Page 89 of Fervency Love

“Nah, we’re here. Ve couldn’t pick one,” I smile and pass Max by.

We leave the store and bump into Lizzy, who’s piercing me with her gaze. She comes over and takes my arm.

“What did you do? Your lips are swollen as if you sucked cock.”

I nearly choke on the juice I’m sipping.

“That’s all the answer I need. Don’t say anymore.” She giggles and I join in.

Liz wants me to help her pick a new skirt. I don’t need anything myself, so I just help her make a decision.

In the bus back, Ve is holding my hand and I’m resting my head on his shoulder. He strokes the top of my hand with a thumb. I love him. I love him so much.

“Ve…”

“What’s up, kitty cat?”

“Liz knows you fucked me in the mouth.”

“Christ! Don’t speak to me like that with people around, Abby!” he whispers, putting my hand on his crotch. He’s rock-hard. “You know what words like that coming from your beautiful mouth do to me?”

I don’t answer, instead withdrawing my hand and giving him a hug. When we reach the block where he lives, Walters and Camel suddenly jump at us, shouting, “Ve, scram! Pigs are at your place!”

What?! Pigs? As in the police? Jesus, what did he forget to tell me? I send him a half-questioning, half-scared look.

“Stay here, Abby. I’m going up to check what’s going on.” He rushes to his flat, leaving me without any explanation. As always.

Walters, Camel, and I slowly follow him. We’re rounding a corner when I see Connor stepping into a police car. Our stares meet for an instant. Ve winks at me. His eyes say:Don’t worry about me.That has to be enough. I don’t know what to do. My eyes tear up and overflow. I go to our hill. I sit on a wall and gaze into the clouds.

“Daddy up in the sky, whatever happens, please help him. I don’t know how.”

When I decide I can’t do anything more, I get up and go see Victoria. We both march straight to the Den where… Ve is lounging with his buddies as if nothing happened. For a heartbeat, I feel a painful pang of… jealousy? Why would he go here first? Maybe they bumped into each other when he was returning from the precinct. I push away the feeling. It’s enough that he’s back. He’s in his new clothes, looking breathtaking. I’m so happy and relieved. I thank the spirit in heaven for listening to my prayers. There’s a voice in my head, saying:I’ll always listen to what comes from the heart.For a moment, I wonderif I’m hallucinating or talking to myself. But no, I’ve heard this voice before.

Wow, he looks killer in those new clothes! I feel a pleasant warmth down there. I rush towards him and throw my arms around his neck.

“Walk with me?” I ask, expecting some kind of explanation.

“Yes, let’s go.”

“Care to tell me what that was about?”

“A bit of a silly thing. I’d really prefer to keep it to myself.”

“Alright, I just want to know if everything is fine.”

“It is,” he says and hugs me to his chest.

There are thousands of thoughts flying through my head, reminding me that he used to do all kinds of dangerous things. What did he do this time for the police to come for him? What don’t I know about him? Well, I know one thing for sure and that is that I love him. That trumps all the unknowns. Sometimes, however, I feel like there’s two of him. There is the Connor known only to me, and the other one, who I don’t know at all. It’s difficult to keep up with all that. And the most disturbing part is when I get those hunches. I’m nearly sure those instants involve things I know nothing about, and I will probably never learn about them.

“You look great in those clothes,” I say as he takes a seat on a bench among trees and pulls me closer. At first I stand between his legs, but then I sit on his lap.

“I feel good in them too, thanks. I like it that you like how I look.”

“I like how you look all the time. But I like it the most when you’re honest with me. That’s when I know you trust and respect me.”

“What are you getting at?” He draws his head closer, breathing in the smell of my hair.

“Only that I feel best when you talk to me openly. Like that night on the hill when we talked about stars and your future. I appreciate that. It’s important for me.”

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