Page 97 of Fervency Love

“Ve went to the party of a guy from school and kissed Elsa…” Nikki trails off.

Ivy picks up: “It’s not everything, Abbs… Listen, he’s going around and telling everyone he only wanted to screw you. That you were just a fling…”

I’m about to throw up. I light another cigarette. My whole world is crumbling down. Tears streak down my cheeks. My throat constricts. I push the cigarette into Nikki’s hand and rush to the bathroom.

I throw up. It takes me a long while. My friends show up at the door, bending over me with concern. I flush the toilet, get up, and brush my teeth.

“I’m so sorry.” Nikki gives me a great big hug. “We thought you should know.”

“Don’t apologize.” I can barely speak. “It’s not you who should say sorry. Just… tell me what to do. And where did you hear all this?”

“Elsa told me herself,” Nikki says. I glance from her to Ivy.

“People talk…” she says. “You know I have friends in a couple places… You should press him on it!”

“That’s what I think too,” Nikki agrees. “When will you meet?”

“Today, I think.”

“Okay. Will you be alright? Call me if things get difficult. We’ll be around.”

“Thanks.” I embrace them both. “By the way, I told you I didn’t trust that bitch, Elsa. I knew she’d do something like that.”

“I’m so sorry about her…”

“Don’t be. She doesn’t regret a thing. I bet she’s happy as a clam now.”

I’m going to play it by my rules. I’m still nauseous, my heart is pounding, and I have difficulty breathing. Breaths come in and out of my lungs fast and shallow. I’m trying to calm down when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Ve.

“Hey, kitty cat.” He kisses me on the cheek. A shiver runs down my spine. One I’m not familiar with. I let him in.

“Hello, Connor.”

“Connor?” He gives me a surprised look. “Is everything okay?” he asks. I can’t tell him the truth.

“Yes, it’s okay. Why do you ask?”

“You have such sad eyes.”

“They’re the mirror of the soul,” I say and fix him with a long stare, piercing deep inside him. Then, I avert my eyes.

He raises my chin with a finger, making me look at him again. His closeness is paralyzing. He smells so good. I want him. Yeah, I’m weird. I’m not going to get involved in a conversation about the inevitable so soon. I decide to take his mind off me, or rather my mood. And since we’re alone, I take this opportunity to kneel down and unzip his pants. Christ, the way he makes me feel! I’m going out of my mind when I can’t have him whenever I want. Besides the knowledge that I turn him on so much, the look in his eyes when I blow him is so satisfying. I need to lose myself in this to push away the difficult thoughts.

My euphoria doesn’t last. This time I don’t find any strength from our closeness. It’s strangely repellent. I have images of him kissing that bitch flying in front of my eyes. She did what she set out to do. I can’t do it! Fuck, I’m going to throw up again! I pull away and stand up.

“What’s up? Why did you stop?” he asks.

I need to know the truth. I need to hear it from him.

“There is something…”

“I knew it! What happened?”

“Is it true you went to the party of a guy from school? Did you intend to tell me about it? About kissing Elsa?”

His face crumples in an expression of total shock.

“Uh, what? That’s not true!”

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