“Can we go sit in my car?”
She may be stuttering, but my teeth are chattering too, making it to where neither of us will be able to speak.
She holds up her finger, and then darts back inside. When she comes back out, she has a coat and a hat on and is holding a coat for me. It’s her dad’s jacket. A little small, but I’ll take what I can get. I slip it on and then walk her over to my truck. Holding the door open and helping her up inside. I go around and get in, starting the engine and firing up the heat. It’s going to take a moment to warm up. It’s going to take her telling me she doesn’t want to end things for my heart to defrost.
“Babe…” I turn in my seat to face her. She’s looking down at her lap, writing something on a piece of paper.
What are you doing here, Brennon?
“I came to talk. I don’t understand why you’re ending things between us. Look, the things the guys said about me, yeah, I’ve done some goofy shit in the past, but it’s not me. It’s not who I am. The guy you’ve gotten to know online, that’s who I am.”
She looks back down, writing on her pad again. It must be the only way she can get her words out. The fact that she’s so upset she can’t even talk, guts me. I don’t want to make her nervous. I want to make her happy.
It didn’t bother me. I thought it was funny. But you didn’t seem yourself tonight. I could tell you were uncomfortable with me being there.
“The only thing I was uncomfortable with was the guys telling you all about the stupid shit I’ve done in the past. I didn’t want you to think I was a dumbass. Having you there didn’t make me uncomfortable. And I wasn’t embarrassed. I’d never be embarrassed by you.”
She shakes her head, turning back to her notepad. I wish she’d try to use her voice. I don’t care if she stutters. I just don’t want her to feel like she can’t be herself around me.
It felt like you were. All night it seemed like you were trying to keep me from talking to your friends. Every time they came over, you’d rush me into another room. And any time I started stuttering, you were quick to answer for me. It felt like you wanted me to be quiet.
The air goes right from my lungs on a heavy sigh. I had no idea I was making her feel like that. I was trying to make things easier on her. I wasn’t trying to shut her up. I don’t care what my friends think. If any of them made a comment or had a problem with her, I would’ve socked their lights out.
“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I was being helpful. I knew how nervous you were about coming tonight, and I heard you struggling with Ryeson at dinner so I thought I could help. I’m sorry. God, I wasn’t trying to talk over you because I didn’t want you to speak. I just wanted you to have a good time tonight.”
She swallows hard, ducking her head back down and picking up her pen.
People have been talking for me my entire life. My mom doesn’t realize that she does it all the time. My cousin does it because she hates listening to me. When you did it, it felt like you were embarrassed.
I scoot forward, taking her hands in mine. “I would never be embarrassed, Willow. I think everything about you is incredible. I was so worried about you having a good time tonight, and about making sure you felt comfortable, that I wasn’t thinking about my actions and how it would make you feel. I never meant to make you feel ashamed or inadequate, and I certainly wasn’t embarrassed having you by my side.” I felt like I was the luckiest guy in the room. “I’m just really sorry, baby. I wish I could have a do-over. I would do everything different. Starting with not letting your cousin speak to you the way she did. I’m sorry, babe, but she’s a bitch.”
When her lips tip up into a smile, a bit of the ice melts away.
“She is,” she says the words, her voice a smooth whisper, and it’s a relief to hear. “She’s always b-b-been annoyed by me. I’m s-s-sorry things didn’t work out b-b-between her and Ryeson.”
Ryeson will be fine. He could have his pick of any girl. He just doesn’t seem interested in anyone.
“Not to worry, babe. He thoughtyouwere really cool though.” Her face lights right up when I say it. “All my friends thought you were great. They’re all wondering why you ended up with me.” I wink. “That is, if you’re willing to take me back and give me another chance.”
“I only s-s-said those things b-b-because I was scared. I f-f-figured if I broke up with you f-f-first, it w-w-would hurt less.”
“I’m in love with you, Willow.”
She looks shocked again. Shit, maybe I should’ve waited. Maybe it’s too soon.
“I l-l-love y-y-you t-t-too.” Her eyes drop down to her lap, and she picks up her pen and paper again.
I’m not nervous, just overwhelmed with happiness. I love you too, Brennon. And I want to get stronger for you. For us. Just be patient with me. It might take me some time to warm up to your friends, but I’ll get there.
“I can be patient, babe. But just know that I don’t have any expectations. And I promise I won’t pressure you again into doing something you don’t want to do. We can hang out with the guys in a smaller group, or just double date, or…”
She presses her lips to mine and my words are swallowed up along with all my thoughts. I grip onto the back of her head and drive in, needing to be buried inside her. It’s been cold out here, but she is my warmth. She is my heart. It’s beating again. Racing faster as she grips onto my shirt, clinging tighter. All of my senses are firing, sharpening around the edges, and the need is tackling me head on. Barreling over me.
She lets out a little whimper and I reach over and press the button on the side of her chair, leaning her seat back. My tongue delves in deeper, needing to be as close as I can get, starving for the connection.
“Brennon.”
Her whimper has me pulling back. “What do you need, baby?”