But I acknowledge the necessary evil of grace and allow myself a moment to break, to split open at the seams and pour my blackened misery into the world.
Just.
This.
Once.
I plunge into thoughts of my baby girl, letting everything I hold at bay just to survive, crash over and into me. Memory after memory crash like an angry sea onto the shores of my mind's eye. My vision clouds with wetness, then spills unhindered onto my cheeks. My tongue darts out and catches the last bit of moisture my body possesses as every insufferable emotion trickles down my cheeks as tears.
It's then that I realize music plays along with my thoughts of Evie. I hug my knees tighter to my chest. Not just any music, the playlist I poured every fucking drop of my essence into for her. However, as my voice reverberates around me, I realize the music plays not only in my head.
My voice distorted, raw, and broken, sings along weakly with every fucking song, and for a few precious minutes, drowning out that fucking dripping.
I close my eyes and lay my cheek against my knee, hugging myself tightly, even though I know it will do nothing to keep me in one piece.
My vocal cords burn as I sing through the anguish of my dry, bloody throat. I comfort myself in the only way I know how, other than through pain or Evie’s touch.
I open my eyes and blink into the absolute well of darkness surrounding me as I sing my way through The Dark of You by Breaking Benjamin.
Tears are falling harder and I shudder, dropping my control and letting go of everything I've ever felt.
My voice quiets before I stand on quaking legs.
I will do this for my little witch. If Samuel or Evangeline ever deigns to grant me their presence, I’ll be ready and fucking waiting.
Time slips by again, unnoticed. My legs no longer shake, but perhaps that is because I cannot feel them.
My stomach launches into my throat as my surroundings drastically alter.
I squint through the darkness and turn toward the faintest spark of lavender. The flickering grows, seeming to draw closer. My eyes burn, unaccustomed to absorbing light after so long forgotten in inky black.
I force my eyelids to stay open, less I blink and the darkness consumes everything once more.
My hands ball into a fist by my sides as my eyelids tremble with the effort to hold their open position, then the slightest scrape of something shuffling against stone annihilates the silence of my solitude.
The lavender light burst into an actual fame as someone rounds what I can now see is a concealed, tightly curved stone staircase. I blink and the bearer of said light source comes into focus, clutching a torch. The hairs on the back of my neck straighten as my mind deciphers our new reality. Then a simmering growl rumbles deep in my chest as Evangeline flounces down the stairs.
My skin tightens. There’s another signature close by, but it remains out of sight, higher on the stairs. Samuel, perhaps? I almost call the cunt out on it, but something tells me—urges me—to keep the information to myself.
I bare my teeth as she steps onto the stone floor holding before my cage.
“Don't stop singing on my account, Love. You have such a sexy voice, even if it’s rough right now,” Evangeline coos as she licks her lips and skims my naked body with her disgusting gaze.
I don't respond, just glare at her with unblinking eyes, absolutely resolute and determined to follow my plan to its conclusion.
She tsks. “What, not even a hello after all we've been through over the years?”
I clear my throat. “My most sincere apology. My memory is spotty right now due to the less than appealing environment.” The tone lining my words is hard, but the obsequious nature of my words smooth her ruffled disposition.
Eva laughs and throws a hand against her chest. “Oh, come now. I know you remember. How could you possibly have forgottenme?”
I focus on my breathing, working to keep it steady and even. Her gaze hardens and the edge of her upper lip twitches as her true self oozes to the surface.
Good, now we can have a proper conversation.
Eva scoffs.
A flush blotches her skin like welts and her pupils dilate. I desperately want to look away as the gorge rises to the back of my throat.