Page 121 of The White King's Favorite

After a short silence, she heard him sighing and to her surprise, Ashen hugged her back, his fingers gently combing through her curls as if she was the one in need of comforting. She heard him sigh faintly.

“...As you can guess, they didn’t make it. My brother and I buried them in one of the communal graves, like anyone else... and we did our best to survive on our own. We stole and held on to this house for as long as we could. There was no work in the Capital, and nothing anywhere else. The King’s reign had brought so much more anger and fear, civil war was already threatening to explode in the third year of his reign. His wife’s only son was killed by his enemies, and their two daughters had died young... he was probably desperate for an heir. That’s when my father suddenly remembered he had fathered a few bastard sons. I swear, the day he showed up at our house, expecting to find our mother with us, I was ready to fucking murder him... but I didn’t, for my younger brother’s sake.”

“Your f-father t-took you in b-because he wanted... sons?” muttered Cessilia, shocked.

“Yeah. He believed that establishing a proper dynasty would make him more legitimate... Perhaps he was even inspired by the Dragon Empire, since the Princes’ popularity was supporting their father’s. Because his sons were street children who had faced difficulties like others, he thought it would be even better suited for his plan. I did not take his return well. He apologized to us, and made up some sob story about how we were his long-lost sons... I didn’t believe him one bit, but it was still better to accept his newfound love for us than to risk losing my brother and dying in the streets. So I swallowed my pride, and let him take us in. I admit, he gave us all the wealth we had never even dared to imagine. At first, I was relieved, but I slowly realized he had become just as corrupt as the nobles he had once hated for it... When I began to call him out on it, he got mad, and sent me to train with his soldiers as an apprentice. I turned out to be decently good, so he sent me even more, to calm down his angry vassals and repress the rebels. He only needed one of us, so he probably thought my brother would be enough, and me expendable. I was just fourteen at the time, but I was so bent on not letting anyone break me or kill me... I became good enough for those men to respect me despite my age. Ironically, I did much better than he had expected. I somehow became the new pride of this father I had loathed for so long. He used the fact that I was away to pretend to love me from afar, saying I was doing everything in his name, thinking no one knew how bad our relationship really was. But I never hid that our relationship was bad. When people realized I did come from the street and didn’t share my father’s rotten values, they were even more ready to listen and follow me. Unlike what he had hoped, the more he sent me out to the battlefield, the more my reputation grew, and his diminished. For a while, he wouldn’t dare to touch me, but he also knew I was turning into the biggest threat he had ever faced.”

Cessilia felt a chill run down her spine. This father-son rivalry couldn’t have ended well, but she had a feeling things were even worse than she thought. From what Yassim had told her, she remembered Ashen had been seemingly murdered by his father’s enemies... However, this didn’t match what she was hearing now. Why would they have killed their best hope at a change? Between a selfish king and a people-devoted, upcoming, strong, young prince who wasn’t afraid to oppose the tyrant, the choice should have been easy.

“...What h-happened?”

“Realizing that me being on the field wasn’t serving his interests, he got me to come back to the Capital more and more often, despite me doing my best to stay away. The only reason I had to come back was my younger brother. Until, one night... I woke up to the screams of my stepmother. I already knew my father’s wife wasn’t happy in this marriage, but I had always thought it would be better for me not to involve myself with that woman. My brother had a different opinion. Unlike me, he lived in the castle and interacted with her more often than me. He had... walked in on our father forcing himself on her. Not just once, but repeatedly. She hadn’t chosen to marry him, and she probably had enough of being his thing. In fact, she was closer in age to us than she was to our father, and... my brother couldn’t leave her alone. He hadn’t told me anything, but he had probably resolved to protect her if my father sought for her again. He was still a boy, though... My father didn’t take it well. His wife was his property, you see. A good bought from his former master that he was not ready to let go of. A trophy... That night, when my brother begged him to stop assaulting her, and got between them, he refused and instead, he attacked my brother.”

“Oh, G-God, no...”

She felt Ashen’s grip tighten around her shoulders. She could feel his apparent calm was like a storm under the surface. He was merely repressing his anger from that memory.

“...I arrived too late. I barely got a grasp of the situation... I couldn’t save him. He had tried to act stronger than he was, and didn’t want to involve me... My stepmother was injured too. Her screams and sobs still ring in my ears sometimes... It was the most horrible sound I’ve ever heard. My father was already half-dragging her out, but she wanted to go to my brother’s body. Perhaps there really was something between them... Once she saw me, she probably realized I was in danger too. She begged me to run. But I couldn’t simply turn my back on my brother’s murder. Bare-handed, I tried to attack my father. He had his sword in hand, and it would have only taken him one blow. Just one. What happened next, I am not sure. The next thing I knew, that woman was stabbed in my stead, and I was pushed, falling out of the window. The last thing I saw was my father’s hand, grabbing her hair and pulling her back inside. ...I lost consciousness when my body hit the sea.”

Cessilia shivered. She had seen the sea so many times from the castle’s windows, she couldn’t imagine anyone falling from that height and surviving. It explained the many, many scars on Ashen’s body, though, and the terrible state they had found him in...

He gently caressed her hair.

“I have no idea how I survived that fall, nor how long I spent adrift at sea. There was a storm that night, but I didn’t drown. I still believe the gods favored me somehow, for how I was lucky that I fell on a side without rocks that my body could have crashed onto, or how the waves pushed me away from the Capital. When I woke up, my body was floating along the Pseha at dawn... and the river took me all the way up to the north.”

He suddenly cupped Cessilia’s cheeks between his hands, and had her look up to him, smiling at her. All the sadness from earlier seemed to have somehow disappeared, replaced by his gentle, relieved expression.

“That’s when a curious little princess and her dragon found me, half-dead.”

Cessilia blushed, but smiled back at him. She knew what had happened next, this time.

“...We f-found you in the n-north,” she muttered with a smile. “I r-remember. You were d-drifting, and c-covered in remnants of b-blood... I th-thought you were already d-dead when I c-called my brothers to d-drag you out...”

“Without your mother, I probably would have died,” muttered Ashen, “and without you, I would have chosen to.”

He let out a long sigh and kissed her forehead, very gently.

“I thought... I had lost absolutely everything. My home, my family... I thought it was time I gave up on life. There was nowhere to go home to, absolutely nothing I wanted anymore.”

“You d-didn’t talk for so long,” Cessilia remembered. “We th-thought you were m-mute for real.”

“I was... depressed. I had no will to live left. I thought... your family’s kindness was unnecessary. I didn’t get what I could possibly want from life, after everything that had happened. But, unlike my expectations, I didn’t die. Not only did I not die, but you were almost... dragging me back to a normal life. I was shocked that your family didn’t expect anything from me. You healed me, fed me, and clothed me without expecting anything in return. You were just... happy to have me around.”

“You h-helped with the ch-chores. It was m-more than enough...”

“No, you don’t get it. If it had been just me, I would have probably found a place to let myself die, or jumped off a cliff or something... but I couldn’t do that after your mother had spent so much time healing me. Plus, you just weren’t leaving me alone. You had no idea what was going on inside my head, but you still wouldn’t let go of my hand, and you took me everywhere with you, and you were so... innocent and pure and kind. You didn’t care that I didn’t talk, you’d show me your world, anyway. The smallest things made you happy, and you shared them with me. You were like... the sun to me. More than any of your siblings, I was always attracted to your smile, your gentleness. How you cared for all your younger siblings made me feel like... there was someone else like me, devoted to their family. That the choices I had made so far made sense, that it wasn’t all... worthless. That there was always someone, somewhere, who could need me. Even if they weren’t my family. I realized you had taken me from having no will, nothing I wanted, to me needing you.”

Kissing her forehead once more, he then slowly moved to join their foreheads together. The two of them breathed so slowly, it felt like everything around them had suddenly gone incredibly quiet and calm. As if it was just the two of them left in this city, the other’s skin the only source of warmth. Their faces were so close, but they kept their eyes closed, neither of them moving, both lost in those blessed memories they created years ago.

“Your home became my paradise. Despite my grief, I felt happiness like I had never before... I was healing, slowly. Both my body and my mind. You were the best medicine, and I was... addicted to you. Every day, I was looking forward to your expressions, your movements, your smiles. I wanted to see what you’d do, what would make you happy or excited. The way you smiled at your mom, and how small you were next to your father. How strong the bond was with your siblings... It was like watching a dream from afar. I didn’t expect to be part of it, but of course, your family wouldn’t hear of it. You don’t know how everything your family did was precious to me. Kassian and Darsan treated me like a brother... Your mother was there to listen when I needed to talk. Your father... took me under his wing, and taught me how to be a real fighter. Your parents knew where I came from, and perhaps, they figured I’d go back someday, so they prepared me, the best they could.”

Cessilia knew. She could remember the blessed days where she had spent the whole day watching Ashen and her brothers train together. How he had become a part of her family, someone she genuinely loved. Until her feelings had gradually moved to a different kind of love, along with the months. She was young, but this was when her first feelings as a woman blossomed. Ashen was handsome, hard-working, honest, and kind. Perhaps she had felt a bit of his feelings for her too, but Cessilia had a hunch that, even if he hadn’t loved her, she would have fallen in love with the boy from back then. She liked how calm and composed he always was, his gentle movements that spoke more than his few words.

She smiled, and gently caressed his cheek, looking into his dark eyes. His face was framed by his silver-white hair, gleaming under the moonlight. His hair wasn’t completely white when they had found him, but it already had a handful of white or gray strands... as if Ashen had been three or four times his real age. According to her mother, it was something that could be caused by stress, or poison, but this was an extremely rare condition, with no known cure. As if his body had needed to express all his trauma, in some way... The discarded Prince was well-fed, and had a strong body, but his scars and white hair were proof of all the hardships he had gone through.

“You’re s-strong,” she muttered. “I d-didn’t know how much you endured b-back then. You d-didn’t show any of it... and when you c-came back, you d-did what you c-could, didn’t you?”

Ashen sighed, his expression darkening.

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