Page 60 of Always Been You

I move around the kitchen collecting the things needed to set the table and think about Emily. Seeing what Matt and Liv are going through, I wonder if she knows how much I love her and that I’m always here for her. I decide to make plans to spend the day together soon.

Once the table is set and the food is ready, we settle into our seats and dig in. “So, we have no games over the long weekend and I was thinking that we could cross off a few places on your summer list. We can hit Banff and the ice fields, and I found a concert in Calgary that we could hit, cross three things off your list at once. I figured we could leave on the Thursday in the morning and come home on the Monday. Then we could take the next weekend to go camp on Hornby Island, maybe make it a group trip, you invite the girls, I’ll invite the guys, and the following weekend we could do Victoria and Seattle, go over to Victoria spend a day and then take the ferry to Seattle for a day and drive back up?”

Olivia pushes her food around her plate for a minute, not saying anything, and I worry I overstepped somehow. I look over at her and she isn’t looking at me.

“Olivia? Did I do something wrong?”

She shakes her head slightly before looking up at me. “No, it’s just… you put a lot of thought into this.”

I’m beginning to think maybe that’s a bad thing. I thought we were going to do this list together, and she wanted to complete it together.

“Yeah, you wanted to complete it this summer. I thought we’d do just that. We are only a month and a half before you go back to work.”

She gives her head a quick shake. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll text the girls about the trip to Hornby Island.”

I reach across the table and grab her hand, giving it a quick squeeze. “Babe, something is bothering you. What’s going on? If you don’t like those plans, we can change them. I just want to help you with this.”

She looks me in the eye, searching for something. “I don’t know. I think it’s my insecurities coming out. You’ve made these plans and my mind is saying that you’ve done it to complete the list faster, and that’s leaving me unsure, I guess.”

I know that the list is what started this, but I thought she knew that I want a long-term relationship with her, and we aren’t together just because of the list. I reach for her chair and pull her close to me. I position us so that her legs are between mine.

“Olivia, I do want to complete this list as soon as possible, but simply because I want to make sure that it’s done before you go back to work. It has nothing to do with our relationship. I’m in this for the long haul. As long as you’ll put up with me, I’m here.”

She takes a visibly deep breath before slowly releasing it. “Okay, thank you, Josh. I think I’m just dealing with some insecurities. I’m trying to work on them.”

My heart squeezes at her words. I’m glad that she is voicing this so that I know where her head is, but it kills me that she feels this way or that any part of her questions my reasoning for being with her.

“Babe, that’s okay, and I’m here to support you through that. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything.” She nods and I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead. After a few minutes, I clean up the dishes from lunch.

She sits at the table, watching me as I load the dishwasher and make my way back to her. I brace myself with one hand on the back of her chair and the other on the table, caging her in.

“How about a few episodes before my game?” she nods and I give her a kiss before grabbing her hand and helping her up. I lead her to the couch where we settle in. She cuddles into my side as I pull up our show and start it.

After a couple of episodes, I grab my hockey bag and we make our way to my game. The rest of the week goes like normal. The thought that we have a normal sends warmth through my body. I spend every night with Olivia; we eat dinner, watch TV, and maybe play a game, before crawling into bed together where I get to worship her body and show her just how much I enjoy being with her.

Olivia and I each spend the following Saturday with our siblings, and when we come home, we update each other. I make the plans for our trip, booking the campground, a hotel in Calgary, and some fun activities for us to do while we are gone.

I send a text to the group chat with the guys for camping.

Josh:You guys free the weekend of the 13th-15th?

Matt:Yeah, what’s up?

Caleb:What are you thinking?

Grayson:Should be.

Josh:Olivia wants to do a camping trip on Hornby. She thought about doing a group trip and I said I’d ask.

Grayson:She asked you and not Matt?

Josh:She kind of lives here, so she asked.

Caleb:I’m in. How long is Liv living with you?

My chest tightens at Caleb’s text. I know that this started as a temporary arrangement, but I don’t want her to leave. I know that is moving our relationship quickly, but I enjoy having her here and don’t want her to leave. The thought of her leaving has panic and uneasiness running through my body.

I love being able to climb into bed and pull her into me, falling asleep with the smell of her lavender shampoo, coming home to her dancing while she cooks, or watching her curled up on the couch with her Kindle reading a book. It all feels so right, and I don’t think I can handle losing it.

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