Page 18 of Keeping You

When their laughter finally subsides, Liv asks, “Are you sure you don’t wanna give this a real shot? I know you have issues with Grayson and you guys have a history, but have you ever thought that maybe you don’t have the whole picture? I mean, Josh trusts him with his life.”

I gnaw on my lip. All these people in my life have nothing but amazing things to say about Grayson, but it’s hard for me to reconcile all of that with my experience. As much as my rationalbrain wants to listen to what my friends have to say, I think the hurt part of my heart is winning. I don’t want to feel like I did two years ago. I still want that soul-changing, life-altering love I’ve always yearned for. In thirty-five years, I want my children to have cherished pictures of me and my husband, completely in love, like Grayson has now.

I don’t want to be like my mother, on her third marriage and married to someone I don’t think she actually loves. I think my mom is in her marriage for the aesthetics and security of it. She wants that portrayal of being happy and in love and thriving in life and the financial security he provides her.

Watching Josh and Olivia and Caleb and Bailey over the last year has shown me that there are soulmates out there. There are people who will be there for you unconditionally, who will love every part of you. As much as I love my friends and I’ve loved watching them fall in love, I can’t help but feel jealous. To wish it was me finding that person.

I shake my head. “We tried this once. I don’t think giving it another shot is going to change anything. When the ninety days are done, we will sign the papers and go our separate ways. Until then, I will endure living with him and try to get him to end this earlier.”

Liz asks, “Why didn’t you tell us earlier? You know we’d never judge or abandon you, right?”

Liz and I have been friends the longest. We met during eleventh grade in our first period English class. I went through some difficult things with my mom that year, and she was there and supported me through it all. I see in her eyes that me not saying anything to her hurts. I’ve shared every crazy, embarrassing, painful thing I’ve gone through with her, and I know she’ll always be there for me. The same for Liv, Zoey, and Bailey. I think I was judging myself and was so disappointed in myself that I refused to voice it to the girls.

“Yeah. I’m still struggling with it all. It’s been a week since we woke up in the Vegas hotel room, and I still can’t believe I made such a dumb mistake. Now, I have to live with the consequences and get myself out of this mess.”

After a few seconds, they nod, and we transition the conversation to summer plans. I’m thankful for my friends and their support.

Bailey and Liv leave first, needing to get home to their kids, and Zoey has a family dinner she needs to get ready for, leaving Eliza and me at the table. She stares into her coffee as she takes a deep breath.

Eliza doesn’t say a lot; she’s usually the observant one offering her opinion when she thinks it’s necessary. I watch as she presses her lips together the way she does when she’s gathering her thoughts before saying something. I reach out and grab her hand.

“I’m sorry for not telling you before. I know you would never judge me”—I let out a breath slowly—“I’m still not sure I’ve fully wrapped my head around being married. I’m still not happy that Grayson dropped it like he did.”

Her eyes sparkle a bit as she places her free hand on top of mine. “He cares for you, Hannah. I know you may not see or understand it, but he does. I think him getting possessive and not signing the annulment proves that. In time you’ll see,” she says.

“I’m not sure it’s like that—” I start, but she squeezes my hand.

“Hannah, you know I love you. I think you’re letting your heart do too much of the thinking right now. Let your eyes and brain do some of the work.”

I nod, but I’m not sure I can let my heart take a back seat.

We pay our bills and hug each other before going our separate ways. When I walk into the apartment, I’mmomentarily stunned by the sight of Grayson shirtless doing push-ups in the middle of the living room. The muscles in his arms strain as the veins bulge under his skin each time he goes down. I drop my keys on the counter, causing him to look up at me as I move to grab a glass of water.

He doesn’t stop, in fact, I think he starts going faster.

His skin glistens with sweat, and I drink my water as my throat seems to get drier the more I watch him. When my glass is empty I fill it again, and I swear to God I see the man fucking smirk. I turn my back to him and finish the water before leaving the glass in the sink and heading into the bedroom.

I’m getting settled on the bed with my Kindle in hand when there’s a knock on the door. I ignore it. He knocks again.

I huff as I shout, “Yeah.”

He opens the door and leans against the door frame as he stares at me. He’s still shirtless, and I watch as a stray drop of sweat travels between his pecks, down his stomach, and to the waistband of his gym shorts that are hanging off his hips. He chuckles, and my eyes snap to his.

“Can I help you with something?” I grit out.

“Yeah.” He smirks. “I’m taking my wife out on a date tonight.”

I clench my jaw so tightly my teeth hurt. When I open my mouth, he puts a hand up to stop me.

“You agreed. Ninety days, and we do it right. We live together, and we go on dates.”

My mouth snaps closed, and I glare at him. “Fine. What time are we leaving?”

“In an hour, figured that should be enough time to get ready.”

“Where are we going?”

He grins. “It’s a surprise, dress comfortably.”

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