Page 22 of Keeping You

I grip the back of my neck and give it a squeeze as I say, “Um, she’s at home.”

Charlie nods and jumps off the swing, making her way to the slide and running up it before sliding back down. I follow Caleb over to a nearby bench and sit.

“How is your wife?”

Wife. That both fills me with pride and has me cringing. I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do with Hannah. She tries her best to avoid me and has no desire to work on this. She’ll follow through on the agreement, but she won’t do anything beyond that. She’s biding her time until I sign the paperwork and she can be free of me.

“She’s good.”

Caleb’s gaze burns into the side of my head as I lean forward, resting my arms on my legs with my head ducked. If anyone would have advice as to how to get someone to open up and accept something, it would be Caleb, but I’m not sure I can spit it all out. He remains silent, and it feels like it’s sucking all the oxygen out of my lungs. I’ve kept this secret for so long.

I let out a heavy sigh before I lean back against the bench.

“Two years ago, I asked Hannah out. She said yes, and we went on a few dates. Things were going well. I enjoyed her company. I was ready to give up all other women and try something serious for the first time since I was eighteen. The night I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend, to give me a realshot, she walked into a storage closet in the hospital as I was being cornered by one of the other nurses, Samantha. It’s still a blur. The second I heard the handle begin to move, Samantha was on me. She had her fingers in my hair as she kissed me. It wasn’t until I had pushed her off that I saw the back of Hannah’s head as she left the room. I chased her down, trying to explain, but she wouldn’t hear me out. I decided she was better off. I knew there were some things I couldn’t offer her in a long-term relationship. Wanting to try one was selfish. Ever since, I’ve allowed her to hold on to this image of me as a cheater, because I needed her to realize she’s better off.” I run a hand through my hair as I say, “I haven’t touched a single woman in two years. Not since before I took Hannah on that first date.”

Caleb lets out a laugh, and my head whips to him. He laughs harder. “Man, if the roles were reversed, in fact, when I was in a very similar situation, you made a bet that I was going to marry Bailey. I’m not sure what sympathy you’re looking for, but I will tell you this. You need to tell her. She needs all the information if she’s going to make an informed decision about your marriage. Based on her reaction the other day to you outing your marriage, I’m assuming she’s wanting out.”

I nod.

“Then she needs to know she doesn’t have all the information about the situation.”

“There’s no way she’s going to believe me if I say something to her. My best bet is to show her. Believe me, Hannah is very much a believer in actions speak louder than words.”

He watches me for a second before nodding. “Okay, and how do you plan to do that? How do you show her after two years that you aren’t the asshole who was hooking up with a nurse in a closet while dating her?”

“I show her I care about her, that I respect her.”

“That sounds easier said than done. I don’t envy your position.”

Charlie comes running up to us. “Daddy, can we go home? I’m hungry.”

I feel a knife in my stomach as I watch Caleb reach out and run a hand over the top of her head. Soul crushing memories wash over me, but I push them aside.

“Yeah, Little Bear, we can go home. Say your goodbyes.”

She waves at me. “Bye, Grayson.”

Caleb pushes off the bench and turns to me. “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.”

I watch as he and Charlie walk to his truck.

I need a drink after that heavy conversation, so I hit up a bar near the apartment and then walk home.

When I walk in the front door, Hannah is sitting on the couch with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream while she watchesLucifer. She’s dressed in a sexy satin pyjama shorts and tank set. She looks at me, and her brows furrow. I grab a glass and fill it with water before chugging the entire glass and repeating the process. My head is dizzy.

I stumble my way to the couch before plopping down beside Hannah. Her scent fills my lungs, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever smelt. I wish I could bottle it up and carry it with me everywhere. My eyelids feel heavy, and as I drift to sleep, I feel a blanket draped over me just before I’m completely out.

Another late-night shift at the hospital has Hannah and I riding in together. We eat dinner together in the cafeteria, and she does her best to engage as little as possible. When our shift is over, I convince her to have breakfast with me at a diner down the street.

As we’re leaving through the front entrance of the hospital, a woman in her early fifties walks straight towards us and says, “Oh, just the girl I was looking for. Hannah, honey, how are you?”

Hannah stiffens, and the most fake and painful-looking smile spreads across her face. I watch as brick by brick a wall is constructed around her. Any softness to her is completely gone in the presence of this woman.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

That explains it. Seeing Hannah’s reaction to seeing her mom has horns blaring in my mind. I know she is somehow behind the facade Hannah feels she’s forced to put on to portray strength.

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