Page 50 of Keeping You

The emotions that fill Chloe’s eyes have my knees wanting to give out.

“I love you. You’re my big brother, and you’ve always supported and loved me. You’ve always been there to protect me. Now I’m going to do the same for you, because if you don’t pull your head out of your ass, you’re going to lose your wife. You need to face it all and tell her.”

I stare at her, not sure what to say. She’s just offloaded a ton on me, and I don’t know how to process it all.

After a few seconds, I pull her into me and kiss the top of her head. “Chlo, you know I love you more than anything, right?”

She nods against my chest. “Back at you.”

We stand like that for a minute before we break apart and finish the cleanup in silence. When we join everyone back on the deck, Mom pulls us in for a card game. One of Mom’s favourite things while we were growing up was family game night. Cards, board games, charades, we did it all. Mom was really big on doing things together. I guess that’s why Chloe and I ended up so close as we got older.

I watch Hannah as we play, and she’s having a blast. I realize she must not have done this a lot. With her parents being divorced and her mom being her mom, she wouldn’t have sat around a table laughing while playing games just because they wanted to spend time together. Realizing how different Hannah’s and my childhoods were is like a stab to the gut. She deserved so much better.

Around 6 p.m. we clear the table and begin preparations for everyone to arrive for our family’s annual Canada Day evening backyard bash. When Ryder, Leo, and Colton show up, the four of us make our way to the barn where we keep the horses. A year after I got a full-time position at Vancouver Memorial, Istarted paying for full-time care for the horses. I knew Mom and Dad were getting too old to do all of it every day and Chloe was working. It would have gutted Chlo to have to send the horses somewhere else to be taken care of properly, so I took care of it.

The guys bullshit as we walk across the property to the barn. We’ve been friends since childhood, and I know they’ve stayed close with my family since I’ve left. Chloe told me the three of them offer to help with the horses every Canada Day. I’m still lost in my thoughts by the time we reach the barn.

“Grayson,” Ryder calls, pulling me out of my head.

“Hmmm?”

“Leo was asking you about your wife,” Ryder says.

“What about her?”

“Well, let’s start with the fact that you just showed up in town married. We know your parents didn’t attend a wedding, so why don’t you tell us how you ended up married,” Leo says.

I walk past them and pull the barn door open.

“Look at him, once again ignoring the big things,” Colton says.

“He did it with Rebecca, and he’s doing it again,” Ryder adds.

I turn and glare at Ryder. “Don’t you dare compare my marriage to Hannah with the situation with Rebecca, they’re two entirely different things,” I bark out.

“How? You’re ignoring both situations,” Leo couters.

“Firstly, Hannah and I aren’t eighteen. Secondly, marrying Hannah wasn’t a mistake. We may have been drunk in Vegas, but I will never say that marrying her was a mistake.” I shake my head and move to the horses, grabbing a brush from the wall on my way. I start brushing Miley, Chloe’s favourite horse. The guys follow suit and start working on the other horses.

“How else is it different?” Colton asks.

I run the brush over Miley’s fur a few times, trying to find the words to put to the situation. “I don’t regret Rebecca, but wewere young and let things get away from us. With Hannah”—I let out a deep breath—“we’re adults, and since waking up married, I’ve thought this out. I’m not some teenage boy full of hormones. Hannah’s strong and fierce, funny and smart, too. She’s fucking gorgeous. She’s extremely independent and loyal to a fault. She’s softer than she lets everyone see. She’s someone I want in my life.”

“Are you happy?” Ryder asks.

I stop brushing Miley and really mull over his question. I’m not sure it’s an easy yes or no answer. I’m happy that Hannah is living at my place, but it sucks that she’s in my bed while I’m sleeping on the couch. I know I asked her to give our marriage a shot, but now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t just sign the divorce papers so she can find someone who can give her everything she deserves. The things that might destroy me if I tried to give them to her.

I look up and find all the guys watching me. “It’s complicated,” I say.

Colton asks, “How?”

“There’s just a lot of history that we’re working through.”

“What would make your answer a yes?” Ryder asks.

I think about his question as we work together getting the horses brushed and their blankets put on before closing all the doors and windows to the barn to help keep it as quiet as possible for them once we start setting off the fireworks.

The more I think about Ryder’s question, the more I wonder if I can ever answer yes to being happy with Hannah, because I don’t think I can ever truly make her happy. If we continue trying to make this marriage work, she’s going to be the one unhappy. Knowing that she’s not happy is going to kill me. Hannah deserves the world. She deserves someone who will kneel at her feet and worship her like the goddess she is. Someone who can give her everything she wants in life.

---