Page 11 of Taming You

“Zo, you should talk to Henry, maybe having a one-on-one with him will be easier than all five of them. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

I nod, because I know there’s some truth to his words, but I don’t think I’m ready yet.

CHAPTER 6

Matt

Adjusting to having a baby in my life is no easy feat. I’ve told the guys I wouldn’t be able to make any of our hockey games for the next little bit, being vague and just telling them I had a lot going on. Josh knows about Jayden, but the others didn’t pry. Zoey has been a literal godsend. She’s been over to check in on Jayden and me, and I’m not sure how I got her to, but she agreed to meet me at the rink on Wednesday morning as long as I brought her coffee and took her to breakfast after, and I couldn’t turn that down.

I had originally agreed to watch Cate last night while Liv and Josh celebrated their wedding anniversary, but we both agreed that it might be too much for me with Jayden right now. Luckily, Gianna and her best friend, who also happens to be Josh’s sister, headed over instead.

We’re heading to my parent’s today for Thanksgiving and it’s going to be weird not seeing Zo or talking to her all day. Even before Jayden, we talked often. It varied between telling the other about seeing things that reminded us of them or sending memes to just wanting someone to talk to. Now, we talk practically every day. She asks for updates on Jayden, and we talk about how she’s processing everything around finding a new job and what she wants to do.

Pulling up in front of my parents’, I take a deep breath. I haven’t brought Jayden here yet. We’ve only been at my place, the rink, and out to run errands. I’ve thought about what it would be like to bring my kids here to spend time with my parents, about them being able to do cousin sleepovers with Liv’s and Gi’s kids. But I also imagined that with us all being settled down, being married to people we love and excited to grow our families. I can’t help but feel as though I’m failing Jayden by not having his mom in our lives or being settled down with someone.

The front door opens, and Liv leans against the doorway, watching me. I guess I can’t keep sitting out here lost in my thoughts.

I get out and grab Jayden and his bag before making my way up the front steps of my parents’ place and kissing Liv on the cheek.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Liv.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Matty.”

We walk into the house, and Gianna is the first one to me, immediately taking Jayden out of his car seat.

“Well hello to you, too, Gi,” I say.

She smiles up at me. “Hi, Matty, you know I love you, but I also need some time with my nephew. Grab a beer relax, Aunty Gi’s got this adorable little boy.” She makes her way to the couch and settles down beside Emily, who is all over Jayden, too.

“Looks like I’ve lost my kid,” I muse.

Liv laughs. “Get used to it. I walked in and Eleanor had Cate before I could even blink. Enjoy the kid-free time. Trust me, take advantage while you can. I’m just grateful Emily doesn’t have kids yet, because we can monopolize Josh’s parents’ grandparent time right now. Eleanor and Logan love spending time with Cate, and I know Mom and Dad do, too, but with Jayden now, I’m not sure they’ll love taking two babies at a time. Just wait, Mom will be asking you when she can take him off your hands shortly.”

I laugh, because I can see it. I know how much Mom has looked forward to being a grandparent. I follow Liv into the kitchen and kiss Mom on the cheek and shake Dad’s hand before grabbing something to drink and following Liv into the den. Mom doesn’t like when people interfere while she’s cooking a large meal like Thanksgiving or Christmas, so we’ve all learned to say our hellos and make ourselves scarce unless she calls us.

“So...” Liv starts, running her teeth over her bottom lip.

“Just ask, Liv,” I say.

She nods and turns on the couch to face me. “Have you heard from Jayden’s mom at all?”

I shake my head. “No, and I don’t think I will. Her letter made it seem like she was pretty content to just sign her rights away and never see Jayden again. As much as I hate that for Jayden, if she was willing to abandon him in the first place, I’m not sure I want her back in his life to up and do it again. She could have always told me she was pregnant and we could have done this together. I could have helped her when she was overwhelmed. Instead, she left me in the dark and abandoned our son. I’m not sure that’s something I can ever forgive. How do you just leave a baby? She didn’t even knock to see if I was home or to make sure that was my place. She left him defenseless where anyone could take him. I’m not sure how much longer I would have slept if it wasn’t for Zoey yelling for me when she went to leave that morning. I had no plans to leave that day. How long would he have sat outside my door before I found him?”

I run a hand through my hair, and my chest heaves as I finish word vomiting on my sister. I haven’t said those words out loud before now. I’ve thought them and tried to process all of my feelings about my son being abandoned, but to put those feelings into words is freeing.

Liv squeezes my leg. “Matt, you’re entitled to your feelings. And please know I will always be in your corner no matter what. But I don’t want you to write her off just yet. You don’t know everything that she was dealing with when she was pregnant or when she left Jayden with you. Some women experience heavy depression during and after pregnancy. She may have thought she had no other choice. Do I think what she did was right? Of course not, but I’m also not going to pretend to know what she was feeling or thinking. So don’t waste your time and energy being mad at her. Spend it getting to know your little boy and building a life for him.”

Why does my little sister have to be so wise? I offer her a soft smile. “I know you’re right, but I don’t think I’m ready to move past the anger yet.”

“Fair. If I was in your shoes I’d feel the same way. I don’t blame you for your feelings, and I’m here anytime you need to talk. About anything.”

I pull Liv into a hug and kiss the top of her head. Liv and I have always been close. Even when we were young and fought or wanted to strangle each other, we were close. I’m glad we didn’t lose that as we grew up.

“I’m thankful for you,” I whisper into her hair.

She squeezes. “I’m thankful for you,” she whispers back.

“What did I miss?” Josh asks, leaning against the entryway of the den.

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