She smiles her radiant, easygoing smile as her brown eyes shine and she tucks a piece of her short, brown hair behind her ear as she walks in, eyeing both me and Jayden before saying, “See, I told you you’d be fine.”
I shake my head. “Fine. Really? I have nothing he needs. Did you know you need to make sure a baby sleeps with nothing surrounding them to ensure they don’t suffocate while sleeping? Or that you need to cut their nails regularly, even at this young of an age, because they can scratch themselves? Or that he’s fifteen weeks old, and by this age, they’ve usually formed an attachment to you and he’s now been abandoned by the one person he knew?”
My chest tightens, and it feels like my lungs aren’t taking in oxygen even as I take a deep breath. Zoey reaches out and grips my arm, and I release a breath and close my eyes, taking strength from her touch.
“Whoa. Started down the research rabbit hole, did we?”
I nod.
“Okay. Well, let’s focus on the positives right now. Jayden is in a warm place with someone who will take care of him. We’re going to go out and get him what he needs. Jayden will get to know you and form that attachment. Have you made the appointment for the paternity test yet?”
I release a deep breath, trying to let Zoey’s words calm me. “Not yet.”
She nods. “I’ll watch Jayden while you make the call and then we’ll head out.”
The one positive thing I found in all my research was that Jayden’s car seat is a baseless one, so I can take him in the car with us safely. I ended up watching a ton of videos on how I’m supposed to secure him in the car.
I look over at the cute sleeping baby before I head into my bedroom to schedule the appointment that could very well change the rest of my life.
I didn’t think they’d have an opening today, but they said if I could be there within the hour, they’d take us, and that is how I find myself sitting in the waiting room between Zoey and Jayden’s car seat. My leg won’t stop shaking, the only way I seem to be able to process my nervous energy right now.
After a minute, Zoey’s hand comes to the top of my thigh and puts pressure on my leg, stopping the shaking. I look at her, and she offers me a soft smile. “I know you’re nervous, but you’re driving me batty with the leg shaking.”
I try to hold my leg still, but I can’t. Thoughts of what this test could mean run through my head. What am I supposed to do if he’s not mine? I have to completely turn my life upside down if he is. Having a kid is so much responsibility, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to change everything in my life quick enough.
Zoey’s hand finds my leg again as a nurse walks out of the back and calls my name. A whispered, “Thank God,” leaves Zoey, and I stand, grabbing the car seat and follow the nurse. She explains the whole process, but I’m barely paying attention. She swipes a cotton swap around the inside of my cheek and does the same to Jayden and tells me they’ll put a rush on the results and call me as soon as they’re in.
I take Jayden back to the waiting room, and Zoey stands immediately. “How did it go?” she asks.
I grip the back of my neck. “Good, I guess. She said they’ll rush the results.”
She nods and leads the way back to the car. I make sure Jayden is secured in the back, and then we head to the baby store.
Walking in and seeing everything is overwhelming. Every time I’ve been here, it’s been to grab something for Cate or my friend Caleb’s daughter Charlie. Being here to grab things for my own kid is entirely different. I stand near the entrance and stare into the store, taking it all in.
Zoey turns to me and takes charge. I’m so grateful she’s with me right now. She was Liv’s friend for the longest time, and is still her best friend, but around the time that Liv and her ex, Drew, broke up, Zoey and I became close, too. We both knew Josh and Liv should be together, and we worked together to push them towards each other. Our relationship grew from there, and I would now call Zoey one of my friends.
Liv and Josh started spending more time together, which meant they had less time for us. We started filling those spots for each other. When I got the flu last winter, Zoey came over with soup and sat and watchedLord of the Ringswith me. When Zoey’s needed a ride after a late night out, I’ve picked her up. That’s how she ended up on my couch last night.
She leads me towards the cribs and turns to face me. “Okay, do you know what type of crib you want?”
“I didn’t even know there were different types. I’m sure Liv did a ton of research. Why don’t we just grab the same one she got,” I say.
She nods. “Should we call Liv and ask her what else she got? Brands and such?”
“No,” I practically shout, my hand shooting up. After taking a breath, I drop my hand and say, “I don’t want to tell Liv until I know the test results. Until then, I’ll have to make do with what the two of us know.”
She holds my gaze before she sighs. “Okay, well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think Liv would say anything about all this.” She waves her hand in front of Jayden and me. “I think she’d just be happy to be an aunt. Don’t underestimate your sister.”
Jayden starts to make noises of discomfort, and I look at the car seat sitting in the shopping cart and start pushing it back and forth, trying to calm him.
Looking back at Zoey, I say, “I know. This is just never how I imagined I would do this. I always thought one day I’d find the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, we’d get married,thenhave kids. I never pictured it as me knocking up some woman who would then leave our child on my doorstep after never telling me she was pregnant. It’s all been so much to process in the span of less than twelve hours. I’m still kinda freaking out.”
She steps close and tips her head back, staring up at me, and I take in the softness of her gorgeous brown eyes and inhale deeply. The delicate scent of her perfume has the stress slowly leaving me. Her hand comes to my bicep, and she gives it a quick squeeze before I take a step back, our proximity mixed with the smell of her perfume reminding me of a time I almost crossed the line with her.
“Matt, I know you didn’t plan this, but you’re in this situation now, and you’re going to make the best of it. You’re going to be an amazing dad. We’ll grab the things you need and head back to your place, and I’ll stick around to help you get everything set up. I’ve seen you with Cate, this is the same, just all the time,” she says with a small laugh. Her words are comforting, and knowing she’ll stick around tonight to help out makes me feel better.
We make our way through the store and start loading things into the cart. Zoey remembered the brand of Liv’s crib from the registry she made months ago, and we grab a pack and play, a ton of baby clothes, a bottle warmer and few bottles, boxes and boxes of diapers, and wipes, and Zoey grabs a few of the comfort items she thinks Jayden will need.