Page 32 of Deacon

?

I wanna hear you say

You love me. You need me.

?

Any other time, hearing Fantasia’s gravelly voice singing this particular song would have me bobbing my head. Yet on the heels of a nigga showing the opposite of what his mouth easily spoke irritates the hell out of me. Clenching and unclenching my hands, I close my eyes while envisioning showing Deacon how I feel about his selfish actions. The longer my eyes are shut, the more my energy tanks, and a sinister smile forms upon seeing Eve on the beach with a group of ladies chanting a mantra.

Mhm. This nigga really ain’t shit.

“We’re here,” Tinker Belle’s low voice sounds, and my eyes open to see we’ve reached my parents’ house.

I have been so consumed with my thoughts that I haven’t paid any attention to anything but the overwhelming emotions occupying me. Grabbing the handle, I prepare to leave the car when Tinker Belle touches my arm.

“I know you’re feeling a way right now, but please be careful? That nigga is still out there somewhere, and I don’t want to worry about you.”

“Why are you acting like we’re not going to talk? Unless you’re allowing that nigga to play in my face, you’re still my bestie.”

“I’ve always got your back. Never doubt that, Janelle. Call me once the haze clears from your anger.”

Nodding, I open the door before grabbing my duffel bag from the back seat and walking quickly to the front door. Knowing the Boogeyman is still after me and the need to hide from Deacon is why I’m at my parents’ house instead of Tinker Belle’s place or my apartment. Removing my keys from my pocket, I insert my key in the lock again, pasting a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes or heart.

*toot, toot*

Without the presence of my eyes, I throw my hand up to acknowledge Tinker Belle’s horn before entering the house and closing the door behind me.

I bet I’ll be more careful fucking the next nigga.

“Aye,I need you to get to Shadow Stew Memorial. Some shit is critical, and I ain’t got time to explain over the phone,” Diesel says through the receiver, instantly erasing the peaceful state I’d been in.

Pacing the floor outside the room, I wipe my face from the water sliding down my cheeks. While I had been deep in Squeak, shit had hit the fan. Shadow had been shot, Sleepy had lost his life, and Leggs was beaten beyond recognition. The three of them had been leaving the hole-in-the-wall Ms. Jody’s Place when ambushed, catching them off guard. Shadow hadn’t been able to pull his weapon due to being hit first. Sleepy tried covering Leggs which is what led to his demise.

The bullet fired hit him in his heart, killing him instantly. With no one available to protect her, Leggs tried to run only to be caught within minutes. The bitch ass niggas dragged Leggs behind the building, where they beat her senselessly until she blacked out. As if they hadn’t done enough, the men each pissed on Leggs like she was a toilet bowl. Since worse is the common theme for this bullshit, Leggs said that the men told her to thank Deacon for her ass-whupping.

Regret rests heavily within my limbs for the first time since joining the club. Seeing Shadow laid up despite surviving has me fucked up. Not to mention the devastation of seeing Sleepy’s mom crumble after learning about his death. Due to Leggs being in ICU, I haven’t been able to personally lay eyes on her, but it doesn’t negate the knot resting in my stomach at knowing this shit is my fault.

“Aye. Hold yourself together, Deacon. We’re gonna get those niggas. Right now, Shadow needs to know that you’re gonna walk into his job until he’s able to do so himself,” Gunz says, pulling me into a one-arm embrace.

“Man, this shit is fucking with me heavy. I can’t lie,” I say lowly.

“Me too. We got this shit, though. Shadow is good. Leggs will recover. We’re gonna bury our nigga Sleepy and then handle business. We’re good, bro. Now dry your fucking eyes. Baxtown Iron never lets these niggas see us sweat.” Squeezing me quickly, Gunz breaks our hug, giving me a pointed look that I match.

“What am I gonna do about Squeak? I can’t allow her to become Leggs, bro,” I ask just as Diesel steps into the hall from Shadow’s room.

“Let her go home. We’ll continue as planned with Too Sweet and Jasper keeping an eye on her. For now, I need your head in this shit and not blinded by your love for Squeak,” Diesel says before Gunz has a chance to respond.

“He’s right, Deacon. Let’s handle business, and then you’ll have time to get your shit straight with Squeak,” Gunz adds.

Fuck! Squeak’s stubborn ass is never gonna forgive me for this shit I’m about to do to her.

My chest pinches when the thought enters my mind, but with no other choice or option, I pull out my phone and fire off a message to Tinker Belle. Unlike Squeak, Tinker Belle is fully aware of what’s happening. With Squeak already dealing with some shit, Diesel sent a group message to the club members that didn’t include Squeak.

Me:

Aye, grab Squeak from my crib and keep her with you. Don’t mention anything going on.

Tinker Belle:

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