Page 28 of Espresso Your Love

“Well, I know that. You were supposed to pick me up.” Her voice is laced with confusion.

My shoulders slump, and I slap my hand against my cheek. I can’t believe I forgot about my best friend.

“Oh my gosh, Ash. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can still meet you. Is everything okay though? It’s not like you to forget things.”

“I’ll fill you in when you get here.”

We end the call, and I turn on an audiobook to try and clear my mind. No surprise, it doesn’t help. Thoughts of Ryan flood my mind. The magnetic pull between us, his calming presence that puts me at ease, and how kind he is.

But then there's reality: this is the busiest time of my life. The Autumn Festival is coming up, and I have to make it a success. Is it really wise to start something with someone right now?

But when would be a good time? Event planning is always hectic; there really isn't a slow season for me.

I feel like Kronk fromThe Emperor’s New Groovewith the angel and devil on his shoulder, each giving conflicting advice. Except in my situation, it’s not a matter of right or wrong. It’s just a matter of making a decision.

I stop by a chain coffee shop and order for Ashley and I. Coffee won’t make it up to her, but it’s the thought that counts.

I pull into Sal’s parking lot and eat the pumpkin loaf I picked up. It’s not nearly as good as Sweet Sisters Bakery, but it’ll do in a time of need.

A few weeks ago, I was fine. I was just in my bubble, living my simple life. But now…now I can’t seem to think straight, and my stomach is always in knots.

Ash parks in front of me. I let out a deep breath and get out of my car. I walk straight into her arms, and she hugs me tightly.

“Ash, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I forgot about our plans.”

“Cassie, it’s fine. I’m more concernedwhyyou forgot our plans. Is everything okay?” She pulls back slightly and tilts her head.

“Two words: Officer Hayes.”

“What happened?”

“First, I have an I’m-really-sorry-coffee and please-forgive-me muffin.”

“I accept your apology, and you’re forgiven. Now, spill.”

We start walking into Sal’s Party Supply, and I tell her everything. It all comes tumbling out.

“What happened to our deal? You know, to be open to something happening.” We turn down another aisle filled with fall decorations. “You said yourself, it seems like something is there between you two. Why are you shutting down now?”

“I’m scared, okay!” The words burst out of me louder than I intended. I cringe as an older woman nearby stares at me with wide eyes before quickly leaving the aisle.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I mutter to her, feeling embarrassed.

Ashley isn’t fazed. “Scared? Oh honey, of course, it’s going to be a little scary. It’s all new.”

“Everything is new. I’ve been on a few dates with guys I’ve known my whole life and none of them ever made me feel thisway.” I start pacing the now empty aisle. “I’ve never been in a relationship, Ash. How am I supposed to just go for it? What if he thinks I’m weird for being thirty and never been kissed? What am I even supposed to say?”

She grabs me by the shoulders and stares into my eyes. “Cass, the man who kisses you first is going to be the luckiest guy alive. Trust me, I wish I had waited instead of letting Bobby be my first kiss.” She scrunches her nose in disgust. “I regret not saving that moment for someone special. And Ryan might be that someone, but you won't know unless you give it a chance. And if he reacts badly or sees it as a challenge, then he's not the one worth giving it to.”

I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding.

“We don’t even have to talk about a kiss or a relationship yet. Cross that path when you come to it,” she says, reassuringly.

“The spontaneous one advises the planner.”

“Think of it as a process. The third step is a kiss, but you can’t get there without completing steps one and two first, right? Just focus on step one: allowing yourself to have feelings for Ryan without talking yourself out of it. Step two: if he asks you out, say yes. Then you can worry about step three. Okay?”

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