Page 16 of Rebel

“Rebel, I’m a grown man who can manage his urges. I promised you our first time will be special, so relax and get some sleep, you have to be exhausted. This is one of those days that feels like it will never end. Night, sweetheart.”

With that he leans up on an elbow and kisses my cheek. The last thought I have ishe’s like a furnace wrapped up all around me.And I like it so much.As I’m drifting, I wish his boys werehere ’cause that would make this perfect. Maybe one day, if this works, we can be that family I’ve been searching for my entire life.

A horrific noise brings me out of a very deep sleep. My God, someone or something is screeching like they are being killed. I’m reaching out to see where I am and what the hell is going on so I can help the person. When I feel hands trying to hold me down, my past floods my memory and I pull back and let loose. All I hear is the sound of my fist hitting flesh until whoever is trying to put hands on me disappears. But a second later the hands are back, but this time there’s a voice associated with them. I know that voice, but can’t place it in my frazzled mind. It’s sexy as hell, though sounds to be in some kind of pain. Is that who was screaming? Then it hits me, that’s Atlas and I’m at his house. Oh shit, don’t tell me one of the boys is hurt. Pushing myself up, that’s when I hear a growl before, in a firm, strong male voice, the words finally penetrate my fog.

“STOP. GODDAMN IT, REBEL! Sweetheart, you are safe. Please hear my voice. It’s Atlas. Breathe in and out. Come on, just listen to my words. You can do this, in… hold… then out. That’s it, let’s do this together in—one, two, three, four, five, then out six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. Repeat. That’s my girl. Welcome back, beautiful, lie back and relax for a minute or two. I got to grab a towel before I bleed all over you and the bed. Damn, Rebel, you got some right there.”

He was fading in and out ’til his last sentence. Oh no, it was Atlas I was fighting. Son of a bitch, why can’t I keep my past where it belongs and not keep dragging it with me into every relationship? Not just romantic but every single interaction I have with people. I watch Atlas walk to his bathroom and, just as quickly, he returns holding a washcloth to his face with another one in his other hand. He sits next to me and starts to gently push my hair out of my face and, with a cool cloth, wipes downmy face. When he shifts closer and places a gentle kiss to my lips, I lose it. I don’t know if I’m crying, giggling, or snorting. What I do know is, this episode must look like I’ve lost my ever-lovin’ mind. Doesn’t seem to bother Atlas as he puts both cloths on the edge of the blanket, pulling me up, and holding me carefully like I’m a precious piece of art. When he starts to rock back and forth, my body relaxes and I just let it go. In all of my life no one has ever taken the time to just be with me. Well, that’s not true, Taz has but I’ve never been totally honest with her. I figure if my past ever bursts into my present, she will have deniability. I’m realizing my mistake. Not telling her is leaving her vulnerable to outside sources. I can’t let that happen, not with Teddy and now Mickie. Even Enforcer, they are Taz’s heart. She’ll break if anything happens to them.

“Sweetheart, come back to me. Hey, doubt either of us is going to be able to fall back asleep. Let’s go downstairs and maybe have some tea or coffee. I’ve got that fancy as shit coffee maker down there; we can try to make one of those frou-frou coffee drinks. You up to it, Rebel?”

I reach for one of the cloths and wipe my eyes, face, and finally the snot from my nose. Damn it, this man is always seeing me at my worst. So why the hell is he working so hard to make this work between us? Being me, I just come out and ask the question.

“Atlas, why work so hard for this? Can’t you see I’m fucked up and damaged way beyond being fixed? You and your boys deserve only the best, and that’s for sure not me. Maybe we should just cut our losses and go our separate ways. Best for all of us.”

I drop my head because, honestly, this is my first real attempt to let others into my life and, more importantly, my heart. Konstantin already took a small part, along with Thanos. Stefanos is a harder nut to crack, but I’m not one to quit so havebeen trying to come up with something to chip away at him. And then there’s Atlas who, if I’m honest, is every woman’s dream guy. I mean, the prospects read all those books and even went to that Texas signing, so yeah, they’ve drawn me in too. They aren’t all the stupid boy meets girl and, snap, they live happily ever after. Some stories are truly life inspiring. Those authors are truly phenomenal in their craft. Even the one author, D.M. Earl, who happens to be writing about our club, though none of us knows who the person behind those books is. And their stories are so close to our lives it’s eerily scary. I feel for whomever it is because Shadow is going to tear them apart, limb by limb.

“Hey, Rebel, not so fast, sweetheart. We all are ‘fucked’ up in one way or another. Not sure what happened in your life to traumatize you to this extent and, believe me, as much as I want to know, not going to push you. When and if you’re ready, you’ll tell me. I will say you’re worth fighting for. My God, look what you’ve done for my boys in the little bit you’ve known them. Their own bitch of a mother hasn’t done a tenth of what you have. I mean, seriously, she signed her rights away. Who the hell does that, and what’s wrong with me? I not only dated her, I married and had kids with her. My radar’s batteries not only died but leaked out that white shit too. We all have damage, sweetheart, it’s how you move forward that truly matters. Now, come on, Fiesty Rebel, let’s go fuck up that coffee maker my mom said, ‘I just had to have.’”

I throw the washcloth to the side and grab his face, planting my lips on his in a hard, closed-mouth kiss. He holds on to me but gives me control, which I know to the depths of my soul is extremely hard for him. We kiss for who knows how long but no tongue or sexy shit. I’d probably even call it desperation kissing because at this moment, Atlas is my lifeline. A line I don’t want to lose or let my baggage mess with. When he gently nibbles mybottom lip and places a kiss on the tip of my nose, I smile. For such a masculine, alpha guy, he’s so gentle and caring too.

“All right, Atlas, let’s go downstairs. When we break that machine, do not tell your mother it was me. I have to make a good impression on both of your parents if I’m planning on sticking around.”

He jerks back for a second or two, his eyes taking in all that is me, then he snags me close, hanging on for dear life. Guess we both have those luggage bags full of past trauma. With my fingers crossed, I hope we can help each other carry them throughout our lives. Otherwise, this man is gonna wreck me.

TEN

‘ATLAS’

Since that night when Rebel beat the shit out of me, while also scaring me to death, we’ve gotten into a rhythm. Kon came home the next day and it was determined his pump was flared, which not only pissed me off but, damn, I thought Rebel was going to lose her mind. She had her club sister, Raven, the one who is computer savvy, get in touch with the manufacturer. The next day two huge boxes arrived at the house, one with a replacement pump and supplies, but weirdly the other with a new gaming console and enough games for all my boys and age appropriate too. When I asked Rebel about it, she put her fingers to her lips because the boys were around. Later she explained that once the Devil’s Handmaidens motorcycle club adopts you, then you’re part of their family for life. And no one messes with the family or asks questions when gifts arrive.

Which I’ve gotten to see up close and personal this last week. First, the morning when I opened the door to an older couple. The man was big and the woman looked like that gramma everyone loves. When the lady asked if Rebel was here, I let them in and called her. She squealed then ran to the woman, hugging on her tightly. Then she gave the older man a long hug too. She turned to me and introduced Tank and Momma Diane,who are the parents of Tink, the president of the club. Not sure how, but they are the “parents” of Squirt too, I’m gonna need an explanation for that. Tank turned to open the door and when I looked out, there were, damn, not sure how many bikers in my driveway and out in front. The big man asked if my boys were home and I said yeah. He then shocked the shit out of me when the first two of the bikers carried up trays upon trays of what I’m guessing is food. Oh shit, I hate to do it, but don’t want Kon to feel out.

“Hey, wait a second. I know you have the best of intentions, but my one boy is a type 1 diabetic and can’t eat a lot of stuff. Don’t want to be rude, but maybe you can take that to the hospital to share or something.”

Momma Diane steps up, putting a hand on my arm.

“Son, no worries. Rebel told me that, so what’s in the trays is a large salad with fixings, some grilled veggies, along with my famous lemon baked chicken. And Cook sent along a bunch of her sugarless baked goods for your boys to try. She said to let her know which are their favorites so she can keep them on hand.”

Just as she finishes, we hear a herd of buffalo coming down the stairs. First is Thanos, then Kon, and finally Stefanos. When they see Tank, Thanos stops and it’s like watching the Three Stooges as Kon and Stefanos plow into each other from behind. I chuckle as does Rebel, but the older couple just stands and waits. Shit, where are my manners?

“Konstantin, Stefanos, and Thanos, these are friends of Rebel’s. That is Momma Diane and the man next to her is Tank.”

Leave it to my mouthy boy to say what’s on his mind.

“Wow, Dad, you ain’t kidding, he’s more than a Tank. Oh, umm, sorry, sir. Didn’t mean to be a smart-ass. I mean a smart aleck. Dad always tells me to think before I talk but as you can see, I don’t. Nice to meet you both.”

Kon is next and he even goes to shake Tank’s hand. My oldest is growing into his own body and even with Tank being huge, Kon doesn’t seem to be intimidated by him. Lastly, Stefanos just stares and as the minutes go by it starts to get uncomfortable. Then to my surprise, it’s Tank, not his wife, who with a quick look my way, walks over, and crouches down to my son’s level.

“Hey there, Stefanos, nice to meet you, son. Yeah, I can be scary. All my grandkids looked at me just like you just did, but eventually they figured out I’m a good grandpa. Give it time. A little birdie told me that once stuff settles down, all of you guys are going to my daughter Tink’s ranch to watch movies. Maybe you guys would like to see all of her animals too.”

That gets Stefanos’s attention because he loves animals. I see his eyes get big and Tank doesn’t miss it at all, he jumps at the chance to win my quiet son’s heart.

“Stefanos, what animals do you like? Now, I mean, besides a dog or cat. Hey, do you have any pets?”

Oh shit, here we go. Just the door I didn’t want opened. Stefanos has been fighting me for a while to get both a dog and a cat. Well, a puppy and a kitten because they need to grow up together. He’s begged and tried even bribing me, saying he would take care of them. Out of all of my boys, I believe he’d at least try. His room is immaculate and he hates when one or the other of his brothers leaves messes around. Stefanos is the first to volunteer to help clean up the house. I just don’t want to put any pressure on those tiny shoulders. Listening to Tank and Stefanos talk, and with Rebel and the other two boys carrying all the food to the kitchen, it leaves me with Momma Diane. When she reaches out her hands, gently putting them on my arms she shocks me.

“Atlas, is Stefanos on the spectrum? No, don’t get your boxers in a bunch, son. It’s just all of us have watched Teddy grow up with it and I asked just so everyone will know to notpush his boundaries and go gently with your boy. As you can see, my ol’ man has that sight with the kids. Teddy loves his grandpa Tank and my husband adores that little boy. And no, there is no blood relationship, but will tell you, sometimes when you pick your family, it lasts forever. Have you met Teddy yet? He’s Taz and Enforcer’s boy? Well, Taz’s son and Enforcer’s boy.”

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