“You look so beautiful,” I say.
Kiki smiles while blinking back tears, and we share a knowing look that claims silent victory to her illness. She’s back home, and safe in my presence. I know it’s against the treatment plan to talk about appearance, but I can’t help myself. Seeing her now brings back the fondest memories of the first time I held her thirteen years ago. With her soft, round cheeks and huge brown saucers for eyes, I remember thinking that she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and she still is.
“So, how was it?” I ask, after we make ourselves comfortable on the bed.
I try to ignore the half-eaten plate of food, but it proves difficult. The last thing I want to do is make a big deal out of it. I remember my dad’s words.
If we don’t trust her, this won’t work.
Kiki casts her eyes down, and plays with a loose thread on her duvet.
“Good.”
“Just good? You are such a teenager.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she says, gingerly.
I know it will take time for Kiki’s confidence to return, but it’s heart breaking to witness the change in her personality.
“Did you make friends? What kinds of activities did you do? How was the f—”
I bite my tongue, hoping Kiki hadn’t realised what I was about to say.
“The food? It’s okay, we can talk about it. It was actually really good. It was healthy, and nutrient-rich, and they catered to my allergies. They didn’t force us to eat, but we were supervised.”
“I’m so proud of you, I know it can’t have been easy,” I say, placing my hand on top of hers.
I follow her gaze to the plate.
“There was so much to do. I think they must do that to keep our minds busy. We had a choice of group therapy or one-to-one sessions. We did art classes, crafts, yoga. There was one girl, she reminded me of you, actually. She taught me how to draw a perfect cat-eye. See.”
Kiki closes her eyes and proceeds to show me her winged eyeliner.
“That’s amazing—much better than mine.”
She’s beaming.
“And yoga? That’s great. How did you find it? Did it help?”
Kiki nods.
“So, what are the next steps?”
“I’m still an outpatient, so I have to see a dietician and go to a support group or have therapy once a week.”
“That’s really positive, right? How do you feel about going back to school?”
“I’m supposed to be starting back in September. There’s so much to catch up on, so I’m feeling a little anxious about it all, but my teachers have been amazing. They’ve sent me everything I need to be getting on with.”
“You’ll be great. Just take your time, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself. I’m always here if you want me to take you through a meditation or yoga practice. It will really help with your anxiety.”
“You sound like mum,” Kiki says, rolling her eyes.
“The audacity,” I say, feigning shock. I grab a cushion and throw it towards my sister. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to finish your lunch. I love you.”
I rise from the bed, and start towards the door.
“Wait, Phi. Would you sit with me?”