My stomach coils, and anger wells in my chest. “After everything? I can’t believe he could be so spineless. Fuck. Are you okay?”
“I will be. Are you?”
“I’m not sure, I need some time to process. I guess I’ll just wait for him to contact me.”
What a typical Ryan move to do things on his own terms without any thought of who he’s hurting in the process.
“Let’s arrange a night out for when you’re back from your course. Just us girls.”
“Sounds perfect.”
I hang up, reeling from our conversation. I can‘t deny that this has been a long time coming. Ryan stomped on my heart all those years ago, and it never fully healed. I realise I’ve never truly forgiven him for cheating on me, and I conclude that he’s partly responsible for the way I act with men. Two silent rejections and my flurry of emotions is enough to deal with for one day. Now it’s time to rest.
I hit the gym straight after work the following day. After sleeping on my feelings about Ryan, and using the time to gain some insight, I’m still ready to confront him in the least diplomatic way possible, especially as I've been expecting to hear from him all day, and all I’ve gotten is radio silence.
After working up a sweat on the Stairmaster, I hop off and move over to the weights. Across the room by the water machine, I spot Stefan. His tight curls are twisted into a tidy bun, and he wears loose fitting shorts and a matching vest the same colour as his pale blue eyes.
“Feeling better?” I ask, startling him.
He almost drops his water bottle when he turns to face me. “Much better. I think it was a bug. You’re here early.”
“I was hoping I’d catch you, seeing as I didn’t this morning. I thought you might be working.”
“I finished my shift half an hour ago. He just got here, too,” he says, jerking his head towards the weights area.
Ryan is sitting on a bench scrolling through his phone. As far as I know, he hasn’t seen me.
“Has he told you? About Chrissy?” I know Stefan well enough to know that his poker face sucks. If he has any idea what I’m talking about, he has a pretty good way of hiding it. But it’s unlikely. His brows knit together like he's trying to remember something while I take a long pull on my drink, then I top up my bottle. “Come on,” I say, dragging him by the forearm.
Ryan looks up from his phone as we approach.
“Hey, Phi.”
“Don’t,” I say.
“April called you, didn’t she?” Ryan asks, looking over his shoulder.
“What’s going on?” Stefan asks, looking between the two of us, concern etched on his face. He must have been so out of it yesterday that he didn’t read Ryan’s messages, and probably doesn't remember speaking to April.
“Were you going to tell us? Or were you just going to leave it up to April?” I ask. “Because I’m sure Stefan and I would love to know why you’re throwing away over ten years of friendship overher.”
“So what if I am. I specifically told April not to say anything because I was going to come round and tell all three of you tonight. Phi, the way you and April are towards Chrissy means it’s never going to work. The constant bullying, the—”
“Excuse me? Who’s the bully in all of this?”
“I know she and April didn’t get on in school, but she’s changed.”
“People don’t change.”
“No, but they grow,” Stefan chimes in.
“Whose side are you on?” I ask.
“It’s not about taking sides,” Ryan says. “Stop being so fucking childish.”
There’s that word again. Childish. Seems to me that’s all I’ll ever be. An entitled, sophomoric child, just like Danny said the night we met.
“Clearly not, you’ve obviously made up your mind.”