Page 47 of Hot Girl Summer

“Do you honestly think this has been an easy decision? What do you think I’ve been doing all week? No amount of rehearsing this conversation in my head was going to make it easier. This is hard for me, too.” Ryan buries his head in his hands, then looks up at me with watery eyes. I can feel his pain, because this is just as hard for me. Because it's crystal clear that now is the time to let our friendship go. “I don’t understand why you can’t just be happy for me.”

“Because she doesn’t deserve you,” I spit, then pause in an attempt to regain some sort of composure. “Do you realise how hurtful this decision is?”

My question is met with silence, but I own my decision to be completely honest and open with him while I still can. “I don’t know why I gave you a second chance. You know how badly you hurt me all those years ago, why didn’t I realise you’d do it again and again? Always thinking with your dick, always bringing out the worst in people. I don’t know what’s worse, your selfishness or my weakness. I should have called you out ages ago, but I didn’t, because I thought you might change.”

And because I owe you for saving me fromhim.

I’m so angry, I can barely see. I blink back a tear, and glance to the ceiling.

“I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt. But you’re just like everyone else—a disappointment. This was your last chance to redeem yourself, and you betrayed the only people who have ever given a shit about you. Never come near me, or talk to me, ever again.”

Tears well in my eyes when I walk away, my pride allowing me to compose myself long enough to walk out of the building. I’m confident neither of them will follow me. They know me well enough to know I don’t want them to.

Crouched on the concrete, my heart races as I fumble with my bike lock. Once it’s set free, I jump on and ride away, as thick, hot tears roll down my cheeks.

After making several pit-stops to dry my eyes, I’m finally home. Once I get through the door I fill a pint glass with water, down half and grab a banana. All that crying and adrenaline has got me dehydrated and craving sugar.

I creep past the living room, hoping that James is too engrossed in whatever trashy show he’s currently bingeing on Netflix, but he doesn’t miss a beat.

“Baby, what’s happened?” he asks, clearly registering the mess that stands in front of him.

I can’t care less about what I look like right now. “I’m okay, I just needed to eat something.”

“You expect me to believe that you’ve been crying because you’re...hungry?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time. I’m sure Stefan will fill you in when he gets home.”

James shoots me a pointed look, and in turn, I roll my eyes. Sighing, I make myself comfortable beside him, tucking my legs underneath me and hugging a cushion to my chest. I tell him everything that happened, starting with the phone call from April.

“Oh love. I had no idea.” He gives me the pity eyes I hate.

“It’s not even that he’s back with her. It’s the fact that he’s thrown away our friendship and used April in the process.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“I’m not even sure I want him to.”

James pauses. “Want to get drunk and order pizza. My treat?”

“That’s just going to make me feel even more shit. I didn’t even get to work out. Thank you though. Men are pricks.”

He pulls me towards him and kisses my hair.

“Not you, though.”

“I know, baby.”

Before I retreat upstairs, I gather up the banana skin and empty glass, then turn to James one last time.

“Do you think I’m a bully?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Sometimes you’re a bitch, but you’rethatbitch. You know what you want, and you go for it.”

The TV claims his attention, and my stomach growls, but no amount of food will fill this emptiness.

A little while later, I’m freshly showered and dressed, and have re-joined James in the living room along with Stefan.

“Are you okay?” Stefan asks.

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