Page 91 of Hot Girl Summer

My bucket is already halfway full by the time he’s made the declaration. I try to distract myself by trying to find more winkles, but his realisation hangs heavy in the air, and I can’t ignore it.

“It’s fine. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

It hurts more than I realise to say those words aloud. Danny stops.

“Do you really believe that?”

The golden green intensity behind his eyes is blinding, lighting my soul and sending a sheet of goosebumps across my skin. The wind whips around us and I break contact. No is the short answer.

“You know, I’ve always lived without regret; every experience in life is a learning curve, and nine times out of ten, it leads to better things. But I regret everything about the way I acted that night with my parents. I should have fought for you. I was too busy in my own world, sulking and being a fucking coward.”

He sits down, raking his fingers through the sand. “I was hurting, and for some reason I had this unexplainable feeling of guilt and shame.”

I kneel beside him, the wet grains of sand pushing against my knees.

“I never expected divorce to feel like...grief. I thought I had dealt with my demons through the separation. I thought it would lift the weight from my shoulders, but receiving that letter made me realise I had been in denial for a long time, and then the anger hit that night. I was angry with her, myself, my parents.”

“Do you regret leaving her?”

He shakes his head. “God, no. I could never—”

He doesn’t finish, and I don’t encourage him to. The constant sound of waves lapping the shore fills the silence.

“I’ll never be her,” I say, quietly.

“I wouldn’t want you to be. I’m in love withyou.”

It’s the first time he’s ever said those words, but in my frustration, I dismiss them. “You’re in love with an alter ego.”

“Why is it so hard for you to let me love you?”

“Because we had a taste of it, and then you hurt me. You really hurt me. And I realised that trying to keep up with your idea of perfection proved that I’ll never fit in with your lifestyle. Maybe I’m not the type to stay in one place. Maybe I should be living some kind of nomadic lifestyle, dancing to the beat of my drum, or something. You think I don’t realise that I’m completely replaceable? All I wanted was to be good enough for you.”

I trusted you.

“Replaceable?” he scoffs. “Do you even realise what a fucking force you are? What you do to me?”

He pauses, dropping his bucket. Penny sniffs around it as he turns to face me, meeting my gaze with an intensity I haven’t seen before.

“You’re like a summer storm. Something completely unexpected that I never knew I needed. When I’m with you, all the heaviness, the weight, is lifted and I can finally breathe.”

He steps closer like he’s gearing up for a fight, and my breath hitches. We’re so close, I can almost taste the salt of the sea on his breath.

“You’re my favourite season.”

His declaration leaves me speechless. Butterflies swarm my tummy, and my lips are tingling, begging to be kissed. But I will him to finish. I need it.

“I want all of you, Sophia. I want to feel the sand of every beach on every continent between my toes with you beside me. I want to kiss you in every ocean. I want to watch you as you are right now, with the wind in your hair and the sun on your face. I want to build sandcastles with you and get sick eating our bodyweight in dinky doughnuts and Mr Whippy ice cream. Fuck it, I’ll even let you have my flake. I want you, forever.”

The pounding in my heart propels me forward, close enough for the tip of my nose to graze his. All I want to do is touch him, and hold him, and tell him how much I love him. But the doubt in my head tugs the leash on my heart tighter.

“Please say something.”

The light behind his hazel eyes dulls when he reads my expression.

“I can’t, Danny.” I blink back a tear. “It’s not easy for me to let people in. With you, it all seemed so natural. But you hurt me when I trusted you not to. You promised me, and I can’t forget that. And trying to relive happy memories isn’t going to fix it.”

For the smallest moment, he looks completely defeated. My heart is shattered.

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