Page 27 of Cartel King

I’m sitting on the lap of the hottest man I’ve ever seen. I don’t have my shirt on, and my bra is back in place, but my breasts are half hanging out. If I hadn’t lost my nerve, we’d be fucking right now. I tell him I want to fuck, yet when I had the chance, I stopped us. I make no fucking sense to anybody but me because I’ll sound shallow as fuck if I admit why I feel the way I do.

“And if I’m happy to fuck you as often as you want to be fucked?”

“Can you accept being a fuck buddy?”

“I already told you I can.”

“You’re practically grimacing.”

“Because you know I want more. But I can’t force you. Ellie, I will lose my fucking mind if I know you’re sharing your body with someone else. Can you agree to sexual monogamy?”

“Yes. I told you, it’s not like I want to sleep with a ton of guys. You spanked me earlier for what you considered me speaking poorly about my body, but it doesn’t change how I feel. You are the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. In front of an average guy, I might not be so self-conscious. In front of a guy I might only want to sleep with a couple times, I might not be so embarrassed. In front of you—” I shrug. “Look. I know what I don’t want, but I’m not really sure of everything I do want. I want to spend time with you like we have been. I’d like to do more than just walk my dog or go rowing. I want to have sex with you. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else, and I’m not eager to date anyone else. I just can’t promise I’ll ever want to be in a committed relationship. You said you wouldn’t bring me into this world if you didn’t want something more definite. I never want you to feel you wasted time with me. I know that feeling far too well.”

I’ve said what I’ve said more than once. Enrique’s let me get all of it off my chest. He’s let me muddle through it. He’s let me rehash it. He did that and listened. He hasn’t looked bored. He hasn’t accused me of attacking him when all I want is to share how I feel. I didn’t intend for any of this to be a test, but he passed.

What the fuck happens if I fail?

Chapter Six

Enrique

Her piece of shit ex-husband had two-and-a-half decades to break her heart. To wear her down and leave her feeling shitty. She’s got miles-wide walls around her because she’s scared. They’re so high they’re taller than the Tower of Babel, but even that didn’t reach heaven. There was a top to that and a top to her walls. I’ll have to climb until I can get over to the other side.

I hate knowing she fears anything. Especially something I can’t protect her from. I can’t change what’s made her so gun shy. But I can do my best to show her I’m not the man she was married to. That I won’t take her for granted. That I won’t ignore her needs and wants. There will be times I can’t give her what she wants, but I’ll always give her what she needs. I’ll fucking move mountains to do that.

Her ying and yang are strength and fragility. She has to be strong because she’s so fragile. She’s so fragile because she’s had to rely on her strength until it’s worn thin.

I didn’t think my heart was malleable enough to break. Maybe it’s so brittle it’s snapped. But my chest aches as I listen to her work through what she’d only partially acknowledged or understood. She trusts me to hear this, and she trusts me to support her choices. She says she never wants to rely on anyone ever again, but she’ll rely on me to ease her back into the dating world. That’s a start.

“Chiquita.”

I cup her face and lean in for a kiss. I keep it light, not wanting to pressure her after what she’s divulged. But I want her to know beyond just my words that I accept her. My hands roam over her body, letting her know I enjoy every inch, but without coming on too strong. She cups my cheeks, and it’s erotic as fuck.

When we pull apart, I watch her. Our gazes lock, then she dives in for another kiss. This one is passionate and aggressive. I let her lead for a few swipes of her tongue, but that’s only while I unfasten her bra and pull the straps down her arms. She tugs at my shirt, and we pull apart, so I can take it off. I lift her and turn, so once again, she’s lying on her back.

“I won’t expect anything to be different between us in the morning.” Even if it is. “I won’t pressure you for more than this. But you agreed to sexual monogamy. Do you still agree to it?”

“Yes.” She’s breathless, but she’s focused.

“Your heart and your mind are yours. But your body belongs to me now,chiquita. It’s mine to pleasure and deny however I want.”

Hurt flashes in her eyes before a mask falls into place. Fuck.

“Ellie, when I say deny, I don’t mean reject. I mean tease, edge, master, leave craving more. I won’t ignore your needs, but I may not always give you what you want. But that’s about delayed gratification. About knowing I’ll take care of you, even if it’s not the way you want or ask.”

I can practically feel her uncertainty as though it were a tangible barrier between us. I watch as she battles with herself, finally letting the part of her that wants this win. I’ve chipped away at countless men’s defenses. I’ve fooled them into lowering their guard. I’ve convinced them to rely on me when they never should have. I’ve controlled them merely because I can.

That’s not what I’m doing now because none of it has malicious intent. Just the opposite.

I kiss along her neck as I shift back, making my way to her magnificent tits. These are the breasts of a mature woman. It wouldn’t surprise me to know she nursed her sons. They aren’t perky. They aren’t unblemished. I see the faint lines on them. I see the enlarged areolas.

I see tits I want to bury my face between and never leave. I see tits I want to suck and fondle until my last breath. I see a woman who’s lived life, given life, nurtured life. She’s spent years taking care of others. It’s her turn to receive.

I lick around the darker skin, laving her nipple until it tightens. I swirl my tongue around it before sucking. She presses the back of my head, wanting more. I give it to her, but I draw her hands away, crossing her wrists and holding them in one hand. She tugs against my hand, and I release her. I’m about to sit up when I watch her keep them crossed but raise her arms over her head like she had them earlier. She arches her back with a moan that shoots straight to my cock.

I go back to sucking on her tits as my right hand tugs at her pants’ waistband. I shift, leaning my weight on my left forearm, so I can pull her pants down. She freezes. She doesn’t move her hands, but her body tenses.

“I’ll stay in front of you.”

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