Page 90 of Infernal

I didn’t answer, because honestly, it didn’t really matter what any of them said. None of it would change the fact that Nikkiwasright. Thiswasmy fault. Sure, I wasn’t the one to put Lucifer in Trace’s body, but I’d cursed his life the moment I’d walked into it. Long before the Roderick sisters ever strolled into town. Morgan had seen it all those months ago and stupidly, I refused to believe it.

Because I didn’t want to believe it.

And now he was gone because of it.

With my back still pressed against the wall, I lowered myself to the ground, crouching down as I tried to contain the hurricane rioting inside of me. The lights flickered in the den, a visible sign of my spiraling emotions, and while Ben and Caleb probably chalked it off to the end-of-spring thunderstorms, my sister and the brothers knew better than that.

“Look at me, Jemma,” said my sister as she knelt down in front of me and picked up my chin. “You need to calm down and get your shit together.”

But I wasn’t sure that was physically possible anymore. Losing Trace that night was bad enough, but now I had to be the one to take his life, to put that final nail in his coffin and bury him.

How on earth was I ever going to be able to do that?

I couldn’t.

I’d sooner die than watch the light vanish from his eyes—eyes that had brought me so much love and solace when all I had left in my world was darkness. But then…what about Lucifer? Was I just supposed to just let him continue killing innocent people? Hope that he would stop and decide to change his ways? That was never going to happen. He wasn’t ever going to stop until someone made him, and no one had the power to do that but me.

My gaze veered over her shoulder to Dominic. His features were strained, as though it were painful to look at me. Not even he could help me now, I realized. I was unredeemable. A lost cause. My stomach lurched as the agony and guilt coiled itself around my stomach, squeezing the contents until I could taste bile at the back of my throat.

The fire roared to life, exploding from the fireplace as every bottle of liquor exploded on the bar.

“Dominic!” shouted Tessa as the lights continued to sputter uncontrollably. “A little help here?!”

He was beside me within a split second, swooping me up into his arms, and then carrying me out of the den—away from the darkness that chased me incessantly.

We could run all we want, I thought to myself dryly, but there was nowhere for me to hide.

Lucifer had said as much, and now, I finally believed it.

33. DARKNESS RISING

A clap of thunder reverberated against the glass window as Dominic carried me into his bedroom. The room was dark, save for a slither of light coming in from the hallway, but even that disappeared as Dominic kicked the door closed and walked me to his bed. Pressing me down against the soft down comforter, he remained close, hovering above me as his eyes roamed over my features, searching my face for any signs of life.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I warned, giving him ample time to put some space between us.

He remained perfectly still. “You’re fine, angel. Just take a few deep breaths,” he said, his voice soothing me as he whispered to me through the darkness.

Focusing only on the words he was telling me and nothing else, I pulled in a slow, shaky breath and then another.

His closeness to me helped soothe the storm of emotions that were rocketing through my body, but it did nothing to fix the hollowness that was left in their wake.

Everything inside of me had busted wide open, leaving remnants of the life I once had splattered all around me. Trace was gone. Hannah was dead, and now Taylor had been taken. It didn’t matter which way I tried to spin it, they were all in this mess because of their connection to me.

“I really fucked it all up this time, didn’t I?” I covered my eyes with the inside of my arm. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were preparing to fall. He’d seen enough of those to last him a lifetime.

“Hardly,” he said, gently pulling my arm back to my side. His brows were pulled down over his dark eyes, and his smooth jaw was set in a hard line. “When are you going to stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control?”

“I don’t know, maybe when I stop getting everyone around me killed?”

“You’re doing it again,” he chided.

I sucked in another jagged breath as I struggled to pull my unraveling self back together.

Okay, so maybe I couldn’t control everything and everyone around me. I’d give him that. No one could do that. But I could’ve controlled myself and stayed the hell away from them. Instead, I’d selfishly tried to hold onto my human life despite what everyone had told me. They’d warned me that it wasn’t possible. That it wasn’t safe to do so. But I did it anyway. I was desperate for any semblance of normalcy, and I’d somehow deluded myself into believing that I could have a happily ever at the end of all this horror. That I could have a best friend, a boyfriend, and maybe even a husband and family someday. But none of that was real.

It was all just a lie I’d told myself; some fairy tale life meant for somebody else.

Someonenormal.

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