Page 77 of Incipient

Something flickered through his eyes, but it was gone too quickly for me to make out. “But at what cost, Jemma? How do you know you aren’t causing harm every time you touch death and come back from it?”

An icy shiver pressed against my spine. I hadn’t thought about that.

I didn’twantto think about that.

“Idon’tknow, but what other choice do I have, Gabriel? Should I send my friends and loved ones to certain death because, you know, something badmighthappen to me further down the road?” I huffed out a humorless laugh. “I think we both know that’s not ever going to happen.”

I would die a thousand times and lose every single piece of myself in the process before sending someone I loved to their death. That wasn’t me. It would never be me again.

Holding my blouse closed with one hand, I tried to wiggle my way out of Gabriel’s jacket.

“You can keep it,” he said, halting my would-be bloody striptease.

“Thank you,” I said and then met his eyes pointedly. “Foreverything.”

He ducked his chin in a nod and then shut my door.

I watched through my rearview mirror as he walked further down the road to where he had parked his SUV. Headlights flashed into my cabin a moment later and I continued to watch as he carefully veered off the shoulder and then headed south up the winding stretch of road.

Locking my doors, I sank back in my seat and stared out into the dark, deserted road. A heaviness pushed into my heart as I wondered if this was ever going to stop. The panic, and fear. The constant ambushes. The having to look over my shoulder at every turn for the rest of my miserable life.

In that instant, everything I’d been running from—everything I’d been hiding from and burying deep inside me rose up to smack me in the face. How much more was I going to have to take? I’d already given so much. Lost so much. Died so much. Would there ever be an end to it? A happily ever after?

Tears began to fall, rolling down my cheeks like a waterfall that had no end. And for the first time in a long time, I let myself cry out every last one of them.

31. WHITE RABBIT

A light drizzle dotted my windshield as I walked into Temple later that evening. After shedding an impossible weight in tears and then pulling into a service station restroom to clean up and change into the gym clothes I had in my trunk, I decided that I needed to do what I always did: Push the intolerable pain away, pick myself up by my bootstraps and haul my ass to the meeting at Temple like nothing had happened.

It was just as well. Not only did Ireallyneed the distraction, I was also very curious to see how the Senior Magister was going to spin this latest apocalyptic disaster and how much information he was planning to divulge to the masses.

But mostly, I just wanted to find Trace.

Making my way through the atrium and toward the meeting hall, I quickly texted my Reaper one last time, letting him know that I had arrived. I had already texted and called him several times at the service station and then on the drive over here since I hadn’t been able to meet up with him after my meeting with William, but I had yet to receive a response from him. I didn’t spend too much mental energy worrying about it since he had mentioned that he was going to stop in at All Saints to do some paperwork, so I figured that’s what he had been doing.

Reaching the end of the atrium, I pushed the heavy, wooden door open and then startled as the raucous sound of excited voices and screeching chairs assaulted my ears. The room was packed, evidenced by the neat, even rows of attendee chairs that were nearly filled to capacity. I quickly scanned the edge of the room for a wall to lean up against as the Senior Magister and several other men I’d never seen before walked onto the podium at the front of the hall.

“Jem! Over here,” called Ben, waving his arm in the air to get my attention. “We saved you a seat.”

Relieved I wasn’t going to have to stand the entire time, especially in my weakened state, I shot him a grateful smile and then quickly shuffled down the aisle. Muttering apologies under my breath, I squeezed my way in between people’s knees and another neat row of chairs until I reached the center where Ben, Morgan, Carly and Caleb were sitting. Ben quickly scooched over and freed up the chair between him and Morgan.

“Thanks,” I said, my gaze sweeping the room for my missing Reaper. “Is Trace here yet?”

“I don’t think so,” said Ben, leaning toward me so that I could hear him over all the buzzing chatter. “I texted him earlier, but I haven’t heard anything back yet.”

“Me neither,” I said and then frowned as I realized he wasn’t the only one missing tonight. Nikki was nowhere to be found either. My heart clenched as an awful feeling made its way inside. What were the odds that they would both be missing from the meeting at the same time?

“Attention,” called William as he tapped his finger against the microphone, drawing my attention outward. “We’re ready to start the meeting,” he said as the room quickly slipped into an attentive silence. “Bennett, would you like to speak first?” he asked, turning to a young dark-haired man with matching dark eyes. He didn’t look a day over twenty-five.

Bennettturned to the three older men standing close by and whispered something. I tried to place them but was certain that I’d never seen either of them before. They appeared to be a little older than William, perhaps in their sixties, though their cold, intimidating presence was nothing like the Senior Magister’s. After a moment, Bennett nodded to the men and then said something back to William, though we couldn’t hear any of it from where we were sitting.

“Very well.” William nodded and then faced the crowd again. “Let’s get right to it then, shall we?” There was a small smile curving his lips, though I couldn’t help but notice the rigidness of his shoulders or the way he was furrowing his brows. He wanted to appear calm and in control, but his body language was saying something entirely different.

“As some of you already know, demon activity is on the rise again,” he began, his tone and eyes somber. “Granted, theactivityis greater than what we have seen in the past but rest assured that protocol will remain the same. High Casters and the like are strongly encouraged to increase their hours this week, starting tonight if possible.”

Disappointed groans and prattle rang through the hall.

“We’re already doing twenty hours a week and that doesn’t even count work,” complained a woman from the audience, though I couldn’t tell who was talking since I could only see the back of everyone’s heads.

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