Page 102 of Illusory

Dominic’s jaw muscle jumped and then clamped tightly as Trace pushed his hands through his hair, his brows pulling together into a worried knot.

Unable to summon a single excuse for any one of us, I avoided his disappointed gaze and glanced down at my hands instead. What was I supposed to say to that? He was right. Neither of us were focusing on the important things or doing what we needed to do, and it was probably going to get one or all of us killed in the end.

Gabriel shook his head and then turned to leave the room, pausing at the doorway before continuing. “Do not be the reason she falls, or you will never be able to live with yourselves for it,” he warned, meeting Trace and Dominic’s eyes and then mine for a brief moment before returning his focus to them. “If you truly love her the way you both claim to, then figure a way out of this mess, and for god’s sake, do it before it damns us all.”

32. KILL SHOT

I wasn’t sure how long I had stared out at the empty corridor with the ghosts of Gabriel’s jarring words rattling around in my head before I finally worked up the nerve to turn around and face Trace and Dominic and the twisted snare of hopelessness I’d plaited us into.

If it hadn’t already been crystal clear before, it was glaringly obvious now. We were completely and irreparably done for. A tragedy with no happy ending in sight.

Tears gathered under my lids as my gaze connected with each of theirs, knowing that I was going to have to look them in the eyes and say the words I’d never thought I’d have to utter to either of them. That I was about to break both of their hearts simultaneously and bear witness to its carnage as it distorted their features and mauled their hearts.

And I’d have no one to blame for their pain but myself.

Because it was me who had done this to us. Me who had led us here. Me who had dug this grave for the three of us, and I knew I’d spend the rest of my life living in the wreckage of it.

As much as I loved them both and wished for nothing more than to be able to keep on loving them, to have them both for as long as they’d want me, I knew that it was impossible. Not without making them both suffer continuously.

They deserved absolute devotion, to be loved implicitly, to be worshipped like the gods they were, and I couldn’t give that to them. Not entirely. Not singularly. I wasn’t going to be able to be the one to give those things to either of them. Short of splitting myself into two separate people, I’d neverbe able to be that for them. At best I could keep one, but not without destroying the other one in the process and that was something I wouldneverdo.

How could I ever consciously do that to the two people I loved most in this world? How could I ever pick who to keep and who to destroy? I couldn’t. Iwouldn’t.

Not ever.

Choosing between the two of them had never been in the cards and I saw that now. There was truly only one way out of this, and today, I finally understood that. I had to let them both go. I had to choose neither.

The words felt lifeless and hollow in my mind, floating through my head like a piece of shrapnel slashing at all the parts of me that were keeping me together, and worse, I knew this was only the beginning. I knew that the real pain hadn’t even started yet.

Once they were gone and all that remained of them was the phantom limbs of the love I had and then lost, I knew the pain would swallow me whole then. That it would pillage me day in and day out until it eventually took everything I was and had, including my last breath.

But it still didn’t change anything.

Blinking back tears that were already forming, I watched as Dominic stalked to the bar cart to pour himself another drink. Despite my body begging for me to get closer to him, to forget everything Gabriel said and everything my own heart knew to be true, I backed away from him, giving him ample space to pour his drink and drown the sorrow that would inevitably come.

Mostly it was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to say the words I needed to say if he was right there within my reach, crowding all my senses with all the things that drove me wild and made me reckless.

His eyes sharpened, narrowing almost imperceivably as he noted my retreat from him.

My gaze dropped to my hands as I summoned the courage to face the two great loves of my life. “We need to talk,” I said, the words sounding so small and fragile that I might’ve thought I hadn’t uttered them at all if it weren’t for the way Trace and Dominic’s gazes latched onto mine like my eyes were the only things keeping them bound to this earth.

“About what?” asked Trace, still standing by the fireplace across the room, his arms crossed over his chest as he eyed me curiously. I could practically feel his whirlwind of emotions reaching out across the room at me, his soul beckoning me to forget my words and just sink into the bond instead.

I shook my head softly as though answering a question that hadn’t been spoken aloud. “About what just happened,” I answered, gesturing toward the hallway where remnants of Gabriel and his searing words still lingered in the air like a ghost that refused to leave me. “About everything.”

“My brother was out of line,” stated Dominic as if that were going to stop what was coming. He brought his refilled glass of Whiskey up to his lips and took a sip, his surveying eyes never straying from mine. “He’s the last person that should be giving anybody relationship advice or otherwise.”

That may or may not have been true, but it didn’t change the facts.

“He’s right, though. We can’t keep doing this.” I swallowed roughly against the dryness in my throat and the terrible pinch in my chest. “Ican’t keep doing this.” Not to them or to myself.

They were hurting because of me and my indecision and as long as I continued stringing them along this endless road, nothing was ever going to change for them. And I didn’t want to hurt them anymore. I didn’t want to be the reason theirhearts felt heavy and their eyes welled with pain.

Trace took a step forward, his brows pulling together in apprehension. “You can’t keep doing what? What are you saying right now, Jemma?”

He knew what I was saying. He just didn’twantto know it.

“I…I’m saying this thing between us—between the three of us—it needs to stop. All of it. Right now. Me loving you both like this, leading you both on…” I shook my head roughly because I could see it all so clearly now. “It’s not right. It’s never been right.”

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