Page 115 of Illusory

Apparently, Trace was far too preoccupied staring at my mouth to bother noticing it.

I swallowed hard, my mouthful going down like a jagged rock. “Trace…?”

His mesmerized gaze jumped up to meet my eyes as his pupils constricted back to normal. “Yeah?”

“You…you said you wanted to talk,” I reminded him gently.

He nodded but didn’t say anything as he watched me cut another piece of chicken and pop that into my mouth too. As famished as I was, it was taking an insane amount of effort to remain ladylike andnotscarf down the whole plate in one fell swoop. All things considered, I thought I was doing a prettygood job of it.

“Why didn’t you choose me?” he asked suddenly, the shock of his question nearly making me choke on the piece of chicken I had in my mouth.

“What?” I coughed out violently as I grabbed the glass of water on the table and took a giant swig, trying to compose myself before swallowing everything down at once.

“That isn’t what we discussed,” reminded Dominic, his tone clipped.

“I need to know why,” answered Trace without taking his eyes off me.

I brought the water glass to my lips again and slowly gulped down half the glass before setting it back down on the table. Mostly I was trying to buy myself some time to figure out how to answer his question without inflicting further damage onto him. Plus, I really wanted to be able to finish my dinner after answering him.

That was, if I even still had an appetite.

I drew in a long, ragged breath and came up empty of any good ways to answer him other than with the truth. “I already told you the other night, Trace. I’m not going to choose—”

“I know what you said,” he cut in calmly, “but he stepped down.”

I blinked at him, unsure where he was going with it, but knowing it was someplace dark and desolate.

“He stepped down, and you still didn’t choose me.”

This was bad. Like cataclysmically bad. I didn’t want to have this conversation. No good would come of this conversation. “This is not…I don’t want to…I just—I think I should go,” I decided and stood up to leave but Trace placed his hand on mine, and everything slowed down to a crawl.

“Please sit, Jemma. I promise I’m going somewhere with this.” His blue eyes were boring holes right into my soul. “Youowe me at least that much, don’t you?”

My shoulders slumped forward, and I faltered, knowing that I owed him so much more than that. He had questions and regardless of the turmoil I felt inside, I owed him answers. Gingerly, I sat back down at the table and folded my hands in my lap.

“Why didn’t you choose me?” he asked again.

“It’s not like that, Trace. It’s not about choosing one or the other.” I shook my head because it had never been about that. “It’s about the fact that Ican’tchoose. I’m in love with both of you and I know that will never change. Choosing one of you, whether by choice or force, would only ever condemn you to live a life with someone who could only give you half her heart.”

What kind of life would that be for either one of them? And what kind of a person would I be to knowingly do that to them? And for what? So that I don’t end up alone?

“You’re worthy of so much more than a broken girl, Trace. Maybe you can’t see it now—not yet—but I’m doing this for you. For both of you. I would rather die completely alone than make either of you live a life with someone who can only ever give you half her fucking heart. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve to have it all.”

Couldn’t they see that? Couldn’t they see that I was doing this for them?

The haunted look in his eyes was back. “And if it had been the other way around? If I told you right here and now that I’d be willing to back off…would you choose him?” he asked, lifting his chin to Dominic.

“No.” I didn’t even have to think about it. I may not have always been the best girlfriend or even a decent one, but I could at least give them that dignity. “I’d never do that to you, Trace. I wouldn’t do that to either of you.”

He thought about it for a moment and then sank back in his chair, nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Okaywhat?

“I just needed to know for sure.”

“Well, thank you for that,” muttered Dominic, shooting an annoyed look over to Trace. “Now that we’ve established yetagainthat she isn’t going to choose either one of us, would you care to discuss what we actually planned on discussing with her?”

“Planned?”I repeated as I narrowed my eyes at both of them. “Since when do the two of youplananything together?”

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