Page 119 of Illusory

Tomorrow was a new day, and I promised myself I’d getright back to it first thing in the morning—when I was feeling more rested and less irritated. All I had to do in the meantime was avoid getting worked up and the wings would likely stay put until I needed them not to. At least that was what I was hoping for, anyway.

My mood didn’t improve any when I returned to my room and, in fact, it only seemed to get worse. I felt restless and out of sorts, like I wanted to climb out of my own skin just to get away from myself, while somehow still feeling completely empty on the inside. Something told me that the thin grasp I had over myself was hanging on by a fraying thread and I honestly wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to hold it all together.

And, of course, it probably didn’t help that my body was running on fumes either.

As delicious as Isa’s chicken and potatoes had been, I’d only gotten to eat a few bites of it before Dominic and Trace decided to lose their minds and drive me out of the kitchen with their crazy talk. The only silver lining to having completely lost my appetite was that this time, neither Trace nor Dominic attempted to follow me after our conversation ended. I took that as a sign that maybe they were finally starting to see the truth as I had seen it. That there was no future for us no matter how much we wished it weren’t so.

That was my hope when I ventured out of my room some twenty minutes later, convinced that my escalating anxiety and crawling skin was due to the fact that I needed to put something in my stomach. I paused at the bottom landing to straighten my shirt and gather my bearings before braving my way down the corridor that ran past the living room where I knew they were all convened.

Maybe they’d ignore me and let me go about my business if I just kept my head down and—

“Jemma?” called Gabriel as I tried to dash by the room as though weallweren’t already acutely aware of each other’s presence. “A word please.”

Damn you, Gabriel!

Stopping mid-step, I quickly weighed out my options, wondering if it was too late to pretend that I hadn’t heard him and flee instead. Deciding that it was, I chewed the inside of my cheek and slowly swiveled around to face them, immediately wishing that I’d gone with my first idea instead.

Dominic was lounging in the armchair closest to the bar, his ankle crossed on his knee and his usual drink in hand while Trace was standing by the fireplace with his arms folded across his chest and the flames from the hearth flicking up behind him, making him appear even bigger than he already was. A throbbing pull tugged at my chest and my feet shuffled forward as though I had no control over them.

As bad as that was, my inability to evenlookat them without instantly wanting them wasn’t what had made me regret my decision to stay. It was the irreparably broken and utterly hopeless looks on their faces that stabbed at the disfigured thing in my chest. Because I knew I was the one who had done that to them. The one who had dashed their hopes and dreams and hearts, and there was nothing I could do to fix it, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

My heart stumbled to a standstill and my gaze darted to Gabriel sitting on the couch, unable to stand looking at Trace and Dominic for a second longer. It took every bit of willpower and maturity I possessed not to turn on my heel and run away from them both like the chicken I was, or worse, runintotheir arms and beg for their forgiveness.

I wasn’t sure what either of those urges said about me, but I was sure it wasn’t anything honorable.

“Would you mind explaining to me what the hell is goingon here?” snapped Gabriel, gesturing to Trace and Dominic, as though pointing at them would clue me in to what he was talking about.

It didn’t—not that I’d had the guts to look at them again anyway.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” I said, my tongue practically sticking to the roof of my mouth.

“What I mean is, why do they look like they’ve just been damned to Hell? Or haven’t you noticed?”

Jesus. I tried not to wince from his words because I knew he was being sarcastic, but it still didn’t stop me from feeling like the soul-eating monster responsible for all of this.

“I told you to mind your business,” snarled Dominic, though his words lacked their usual sharpness.

“Thisismy business,” retorted Gabriel, his moss-colored eyes darkening as though rejecting all the light in the room. “If something happened—if you have information about the Horseman or the Sisters—I have every right to know, especially if it’s going to negatively impact Jemma.”

“For the umpteenth time, we have no such thing.”

“Well, forgive me if I don’t believe you,” answered Gabriel. “You aren’t exactly bound by a code of honor.”

“There isn’t any news on either front,” I quickly interjected, hoping it would put his mind at ease and make him drop the subject. “He’s telling you the truth.”

Everything was bad enough without having to rehash the worst moments of my life in front of Gabriel.

“I promise we would tell you if there was,” I added softly.

“Then what is it?” he pushed, shoving up from the couch, his eyes running rampant all over my face as though trying to uncover the truth hidden beneath the flimsy mask I was wearing. “What happened in forty-eight hours that would make them go from trying to kill each other to whatever thehell happened in the basement yesterday to looking as though they spent the day crying together?”

Dominic scoffed as Trace cursed him out under his breath.

“No one’s crying and nothing happened! Will youpleasejust drop it,” I begged, feeling my eyes burn from tears that suddenly wanted to fall. I couldn’t tell if the tears were from sadness, pain or embarrassment, though. “This isn’t about the Horseman or the Sisters or the Council, okay? You have my word. Just please…leave it alone.”

Gabriel’s lips parted as though he were going to say something else and then he slammed them shut, apparently putting the pieces together. His brows pulled together as he eyed his brother and then Trace before circling back to me. “I see,” he said and then nothing else.

Awesome.

---