Page 147 of Illusory

“I guess not,” I conceded with a shrug and then met his eyes, sifting through the disappointment he was shooting back at me. “You know, I never claimed to be perfect, Gabriel. We’re all entitled to make a mistake once in a while. Life is too fleeting to chase perfection.”

“I don’t expect perfection, Jemma, but I do expect commitment and sacrifice—especially when it’s your life that is most on the line here.”

“Are you implying that I haven’t given either of those things?” I questioned, my eyes blurring with hurt. “Because I’ve madesacrifices, Gabriel. I make them every day of mygoddamned life. I’ve given up more things than anyone should ever have to give up in one lifetime, and I’ve mostly done it without resentment,” I said, wishing he could see that. Wishing he could see just how hard I’ve tried.

I wasn’t perfect—not even close to it—but I was still here. Still fighting. Still trying my best to do the right thing, even when I had no idea what that was.

A muscle twitched in his jaw, but his silence—heavy and unyielding—spoke volumes.

“What more do you want me to give up, Gabriel? There’s already no marriage or kids in my future, no going off to college to follow my dreams, no one to walk me down the aisle for the wedding I’m never going to have,” I rasped, my throat thickening as all the things I tried not to think about trickled to the surface. “I’m never going to have a normal life. It doesn’t matter how many vampires I kill or apocalypses I thwart today. There will always be more tomorrow. Some other Engle or Horseman or Devil to vanquish. Becausethisis my life, and it’s all I’m ever going to get. So, forgive me if I thought I’d earned the right to have one stupid night of drinking with my sister.”

“Jemma, that wasn’t my—” His expression sank as he ran a hand over his face. “I apologize for making you feel like your sacrifices went unnoticed. I never meant to imply that—”

“I know you didn’t, Gabriel,” I cut in, because despite my hurt feelings, I knew that deep down, he was only trying to keep me safe—to make me stronger. “You don’t need to apologize to me. Not ever. I just…maybe just cut me a little slack every now and then, okay? I’m trying my best here.”

“I know that you are,” he said, his eyes turning somber then. “If my words seem harsh, it’s only because I care for you deeply, Jemma. I want you to be prepared for what’s out there, especially when I’m gone.”

His words struck a sour chord with me and my chest instantly tightened. “Come on, Gabriel. We both know you’re not going anywhere. You’re my best friend and best friends are supposed to stick together, no matter what.”

He smiled back at me, a real one that reached all the way up to his moss green eyes. “There’s nothing that would make me happier, Jemma. Truly,” he said, and my eyes clouded over with tears again, but for a completely different reason this time.

“How touching of you, brother,” said Dominic with an amused grin on his face as he all but ruined the moment.

“Touch this,” I mumbled as I picked up a pillow and threw it across the living room at him.

He caught it easily and chuckled, holding it against his chest as I rolled my eyes at him and then went back to combing through the grimoire.

The four of us settled into a peaceful calm as the morning gradually turned into late afternoon, with no sign of my Ascension on the horizon. By the time lunch finally came, I had started to doubt whether it was even going to happen at all. Somehow, when it came to me and my life, nothing ever went according to plan.

Maybe we’d gotten our wires crossed this whole time and had spent the last few weeks being worried for nothing. I mean, we did get most of our information about the Ascension from Jaqueline, and well, she had proven to be unreliable in every sense of the word. The thought of her leading us on a wild goose chase made my stomach twist with discomfort.

What if she’d done it on purpose to distract us? What if she wanted to keep us trapped in this house, waiting for something that was never going to come? What if that had been her intention all along and the reason why she suddenly up and disappeared?

The longer I thought about it, the more upset my stomach became until it felt like there were thorns twisting in my gut. If she had lied to me—if she was playing me all this time—not even death was going to save her from what I would do. As if I hadn’t suffered enough at the hands of supposed family members, I had to wonder whether my own mother was complicit in it, too?

Fire roiled up from my stomach and into my chest, the thorn of betrayal twisting deeper in my gut before slithering outward, pricking through my veins and clawing under my skin.

I should have tracked her down when she first disappeared. I shouldn’t have given her the benefit of the doubt. I always paid dearly when I gave people the benefit of the doubt. If she crossed me—

“Angel?”

The anxious tenor of Dominic’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. I glanced up and met his eyes just as Trace sucked in a breath and recoiled. My gaze flicked to him, noting how the air around him seemed to shimmer.

“Are you feeling okay, love?”

My brows snapped together as I turned back to Dominic and cocked my head. The air dipped and swerved around him too, just like it had done with Trace.

How bizarre.

“You… you’re glowing again,” rasped Trace, his voice carrying the same weary note that Dominic’s had.

But why would that concern them? They had already seen my glowing eyes before; it wasn’t anything new. I narrowed my gaze, focusing harder on them. On their shimmering auras. Frankly, they should be far more concerned withthatthan whatever was happening with me.

“Jemma?” called Gabriel, causing my head to jerk to him.“Can you understand us?”

Can I understand them? What a stupid question. Of course I understood them. I understood them perfectly.

“Look at me, Jemma. Try to blink twice if you can hear us,” he said nodding into it and making his dark hair dip down over his eyebrows like a curtain.

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