Page 162 of Illusory

“Oh, I intend to,” I admitted quietly, mostly to myself. “Though I really don’t think there’s anything she could say that would make me hate her less right now.”

As much as I’d kept Jaqueline at arm’s length, forcing myself not to let her into my heart for fear she’d hurt me again, somewhere along the way, she’d slipped in—just a little—and I couldn’t help but feel the sting of disappointment from her latest letdown.

“Her shortcomings are not a reflection of you or what you deserve, angel.” He studied my face, the intensity in his eyes making my pulse race. “You understand that, don’t you?”

“I guess so,” I agreed half-heartedly, “but it still feels that way.” I took a bite of the mac and cheese, savoring the creamy, cheesy goodness that briefly distracted me from the bitter disappointment I felt towards my mother.

As much as I wanted to believe what Dominic had said, it was hard to shake the feeling that somehow, I just wasn’t important enough for Jaqueline to prioritize.

That I didn’t matter enough for her to care.

“You matter, Jemma.” Trace shifted closer, his hand resting on mine in a comforting gesture. “You matter tome. To both of us. No matter what happens with your mom or anyone else, you’ll always matter to us.”

Warmth spread through my chest at his words, but I tried not to let myself drown in it. It was a nice sentiment and all,but feelings changed, and people left all the time—mothers and fathers included. He may have felt that way now, but no one could know what the future held.

“I just thought maybe this time would be different, you know? That maybe she’d actually stick around and be an actual mom for once.”

“I hate to say it, angel, but I think that ship has sailed,” said Dominic regretfully. “She made the choice to stay away from you to protect you a long time ago. She never had the chance to mother you and as difficult as that may be to accept, I don’t think she has the capacity to start doing it nearly two decades later.”

I sighed and took another bite of mac and cheese, letting the warm, comforting flavors melt away the bitter aftertaste his words left in my mouth. I knew he was right. I knew that ship had sailed long ago and that after so many years apart, Jaqueline probably didn’t even knowhowto be a mother to me.

I knew that but it still didn’t stop me from wishing that it could be different. That she’d want to have that kind of relationship with me and maybe, after all this time, she’d want to get to know me.

I set down my fork, the mac and cheese suddenly feeling heavy in my stomach. “I know it’s stupid, but I guess I just thought that maybe this could be our chance, you know? To start over and try again.” I shook my head, feeling foolish for even entertaining the idea. “But you’re right. Too much time has passed. We can’t go back and redo the last eighteen years.”

“No, you cannot,” agreed Dominic, “but you could build something new with her. Something different. It may not look like what you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be good in its own way.”

Dominic’s words settled over me, offering a small glimmerof hope amidst the latest mountain of disappointment. Maybe he was right. Maybe Jaqueline and I could find a way to connect, even if it wasn’t in the traditional mother-daughter sense. “So what you’re saying is I need to lower my expectations when it comes to Jaqueline.”

“No. Not lower. Adjust,” he corrected.

“Right.” I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “Adjust.”

Feeling a little less hopeless, I went back to eating and finally finished my mac and cheese mostly in silence as the guys chatted idly beside me. As much as I wanted to stay in the moment and enjoy the peaceful calm with the two people I loved more than anything else in this world, I couldn’t help but worry about what tomorrow would bring.

Jaqueline had been gone for days without even so much as a phone call to let us know that she was alive. I had no idea what she could possibly say that would make that okay, but I promised myself that I’d at least hear her out.

As I set the empty plate in the sink, Trace’s arms wrapped around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. “I’m sorry your birthday didn’t turn out the way you hoped,” he murmured, his breath flitting against my ear and making my stomach feel as though I were diving off a cliff with no parachute.

I turned in his arms so that I was facing him, my back pressed against the counter. “Don’t be sorry. It was better than I hoped. Better than anything I could’ve ever wished for.”

“Really?” His dimples deepened as he studied my face, his eyes shifting between mine.

“Really,” I said, meaning it with everything that I was. “What you and Dominic did for me tonight, I’ll nevereverforget it.”

He smiled, satisfaction pulling at the corners of his lips. “I hope you know I’d do anything to make you happy.”

My gaze drifted to Dominic, still leaning against the kitchen island, watching us, and I knew that Trace meant every word of it. The fact that the three of us were standing together in the room right then was proof of that.

“I know,” I said, meeting Trace’s eyes again and breathing him in like he was the oxygen to my lungs. I knew there was still a whole lot of dark days ahead of me, and that my future was probably bleaker than an eviction notice taped to the door in the middle of February, but somehow, when I was with them, it didn’t feel quite as grim and insurmountable as it was. “Iamhappy, maybe for the first time in my life, and I know it’s because of you,” I admitted, not wanting to encourage him, but unable to deny the truth.

The words barely left my mouth before his lips were on mine, pressing me back against the counter and leaving not even a sliver of space between our bodies as he claimed my mouth in a desperate kiss that was full of unspoken words and pent-up desire. It was everything I’d been craving and everything I knew I wasn’t supposed to have.

Conscious thought fell by the wayside as my fingers reflexively weaved into the strands of his soft hair and I kissed him back, parting my lips for him as though I were a mere mortal at the altar of my god. Tingles sparked across my skin as his tongue slid into my mouth and tangled with mine, making my body feel weightless and warm all over.

Trace pulled back suddenly, breaking off the kiss as he glanced at the clock on the stove. “It’s still your birthday for another forty-five minutes,” he pointed out, his voice thick with desire and something else. Something dangerous. Something that made my thighs squeeze together.

“It is,” I agreed, laughing nervously as I met Dominic’s gaze briefly. “And?”

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