Page 18 of Illusory

I hadn’t even considered that being a possibility until the moment I’d said it out loud.

“My god, Gabriel. What if that’s it? What if his feelings for me didn’t actually come back? What if he was just responding the wayanynormal male would respond in that kind of situation?”

Gabriel started to shake his head as though that wasn’t possible but then seemed to stop mid-shake.

The sight of it only strengthened the bottomless feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like I was endlessly falling with noview of the ground in sight. Had I been too caught up in the moment the night we’d slept together to see the truth? Had I simply seen what I’dwantedto see?

The more the thought ruminated in my mind, the more it made sense to me and the worse I felt about…well, everything. Why else had he been so cold with me? So distant and quick to leave?

I dropped my face into my hands and shook my head. How could I be so stupid as to think that one romp in the prison cell sack was proof enough that he was back—that his feelings for me were back? I’d been half naked and grinding myself against him. Literal chum in the water. Any man in that position would have taken the bait, regardless of their feelings.

I wasn’t sure what was worse at that point: Emotionless Dominic being secretly controlled by his demon, or him simply not having feelings for me anymore.

“I think it’s best not to jump to any conclusions until you have a chance to talk with him,” suggested Gabriel, probably because he could already see me spiraling off into worst-case-scenario territory.

“I think it might be a bit too late for that,” I answered bitterly as I pushed my hands through my hair.

How had this even happened? How the hell had everything gotten so thoroughly and exquisitely fucked up with both of them? OnlyIwould be able to go from having the impossible task of choosing between two perfect men to having neither of them in the span of twenty-four hours. Because I was justthatmuch of a dumbass.

“A lot has happened. You’re overwhelmed and tired and haven’t slept since—” He paused to think about it. “Whenwasthe last time you slept?”

“How can I possibly sleep when literallyeverythingI careabout is blowing up in my face, and I don’t know how to fix any of it?” I asked frantically, instead of answering his question since I had no actual idea when the last time I’d slept was either.

“Well, it isn’t going to become any clearer to you if you’re sleep deprived. You know that as much as I do.”

Again. Not a fact I wanted to consider at the moment.

“I hate this so much,” I said, trying to keep the tremor from my voice. “I hate not being there for Trace. I hate not knowing if Dominic is okay.” And most of all, I hated not knowing if they still felt the same way about me, but I couldn’t even say that part out loud. It was too embarrassing. Too pathetic.

“Get some rest, Jemma. I promise things will look better in the morning.”

I couldn’t fathom how he could make such a promise, but in that moment, I clung to it like the lifeline I needed.

I stood from the chair and started to turn before hesitating. “Will you stay with him tonight?” I asked, gutted that I even had to ask—that I couldn’t be the one to be there for Trace. “Someone needs to keep an eye on him. If he freaks out and leaves and does something…” I shook my head, unable to even think it out loud. “He’d never be able to forgive himself.”

“It’s already taken care of.” He bowed his head in a nod.

I could feel the weight already being lifted from my shoulders. “Thank you, Gabriel…for everything.”

For being my rock when everything was crumbling around me. For easing my load whenever it got to be too heavy for me to carry. For looking at me the same way he always had, despite my freaky ass bird wings…

I stared back at him, wishing I could say all of those things and more. For some reason though, my lips refused tocommit, too afraid of what else the words might drudge up.

“Don’t mention it. It’s nothing,” he said, brushing it off as he always did when I tried to thank him.

“It’snotnothing, Gabriel. Seriously. Right now, it…it’s everything.” I leaned down and trapped him in an unexpected hug and then chuckled as he immediately tensed beneath me. “You’re the best Handler a girl could ever ask for,” I whispered and then kissed him on the cheek before pulling back.

“Jemma…” He caught my wrist and held it, keeping me there beside him. His eyes frantically searching mine, mining them for some sort of connection or understanding or…something.

I waited for him to speak, to say whatever it was that was on his mind, but he didn’t say anything more. And something inside me told me it was better that way.

“Goodnight, Gabriel,” I said softly and then straightened. Gently, I pulled my wrist free from his hold and then left the kitchen, leaving the unspoken words floating in the air like fragile petals caught in the endless wind, wondering if they’d ever make it to the place they belonged.

6. THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

The sound of my phone vibrating against the nightstand jerked me out of my sleep. The last thing I remembered was stumbling into my room in the middle of the night and face-planting into my pillow. I wasn’t sure how long ago that was but judging from the sheer level ofshitastic hellI was feeling, I knew I hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep.

Squinting through the darkness, I slapped my hand against the end table until I felt my phone and then picked it up, blinking at the screen through sleep-clogged eyes.

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