Page 24 of Illusory

“I take it he agreed,” she surmised, like the idiot she was.

“I never even asked him,” I answered hoarsely, the thought having just dawned on me. I knew it wasn’t going to go smoothly with him, but I was wholly unprepared for whatI’d encountered in the basement. For the palpable, visceral hatred oozing from the first man I’d ever loved.

“What do you mean you didn’t ask him?” she barked at me, already ticked off that I hadn’t followed her instructions.

Reeling, I whipped around and faced her, not even bothering to hide the fact that my face was soaked with tears. My hands curled into fists at my side as I gnashed my teeth together. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to hither. To scream at her. To keep running and never stop.

“Jemma?” Her angry expression morphed into one of immediate concern. “What the hell happened down there? What did he say?”

“What did he say?” I repeated, my chest heaving violently as I struggled to fill my lungs with air and find the words that would make her stop staring at me like she was—like I was some helpless, wounded little bird who’d fallen out of its nest. “What the fuck do you think he said, Tessa?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking,” she answered cautiously, as if acutely aware that the slightest misstep might cause me to detonate right before her eyes.

“Oh, you don’t know?” I repeatedly scathingly and then threw my head back and laughed maniacally, but there was absolutely no humor behind it. “He wants nothing to do with me. Ever again. Shocker, right? I mean, Ionlyturned him into the undead,” I said, the words tasting like wet sand in my mouth.

“He’s still upset.” It wasn’t a question. It was the understatement of the fucking century.

“Upset?”I took a menacing step toward her, my eyes narrowing into a fierce glare. “Upset doesn’t even begin to cover what he is right now. You know what, Tessa? How about the next time we need a favor from someone, we ask someone thatdespises youfor once. Frankly, I’m sure the listof candidates is at least a mile high.”

She flinched back, her eyes widening as though affronted, but she quickly collected herself. “Look, I get that you’re angry right now, but you don’t have to take it out on me. I’m not the one that—”

“Yeah, youarethe one,Tessa!”I cut in, using her name like a filthy curse word. “You’re the one that’s always sticking your nose in my business and making my life worse. You’re the one who’s only ever thinking about herself; about completing the fucking mission of the day with no regard for who’s life you’re blowing up in the process. Just once—just one goddamn time—I wish it wasyourlife that was being blown up in your face and not mine!”

“Jemma!” Her voice pitched in shock, but I didn’t bother sticking around to hear what she had to say about it, no matter how stunned or appalled she looked. No matter how many times she called my name and demanded I get back there. I meant what I said, and I wasn’t going to take back a single word of it.

Not this time.

And not ever the fuck again.

8. BURY THE CASTLE

I stepped outside of the Blackburn Estate to collect myself, peering up at the overcast sky in search of the ever-evasive sun that had abandoned me long ago. I fruitlessly tried to remember when the last time I’d been outside was. Ithadto have been days, possibly even weeks, and suddenly I felt like a bat coming out of its cave in the middle of the day, squinting and grumbling profanity as my eyes tried to adjust to the light.

Folding down onto the front stoop, I wiped away at the wetness still slicking my cheeks and stared out at the hazy, fog-kissed grounds, struggling to make sense of the rioting thoughts that were currently holding my mind hostage.

How had everything gone so horribly wrong?EverythingI loved and worked so hard for had been demolished in the span of twenty-four hours. My heart was left in shambles, withering away with the kind of ache that wasn’t even pain anymore. It was unqualified annihilation. Murder of the heart in the first degree. Unmendable and completely…deserved.

My legs screamed at me to get up and start running, to keep going until I was light years away from Hollow Hills and all of its crushing anguish. To leave it all behind and never again step foot in this godforsaken town that had brought me nothing but heartache and grief. And I’d seriously contemplated it for a long, agonizing minute, wondering how far I could get before any of them noticed I was gone.

Would they even care at this point?

Would I?

Even though I loved Dominic and Trace with the whole of my entire being, I was fairly certain that I had finally managed to nuke both of those relationships simultaneously.

Dominic’s feelings for me were as good as dead in the water—that much was glaringly obvious to me. The night we spent together in his cell was nothing more than a means to a lust-filled end. It had only been aboutsexfor him. Nothing more and nothing less.

Sure, he wasn’t actively trying to kill me anymore, but what we had before his emotions had been shut off…that was dead and gone now. Obliterated with everything else his sire had taken. Hewouldn’thave walked out on me last night if it wasn’t. He wouldn’t have abandoned me when I needed him the most.

And then there was Trace. My soulmate. The one I had turned into the thing he despised most in this world. The one who now loathed me with every living fiber that remained of his being. So much so that he couldn’t even stand to look at me anymore, to hear the sound of my voice or my futile apologies, and honestly, I didn’t even fault him for it either.

I didn’t fault either of them.

A part of me supposed it was probably what I deserved. I’d been fartoolucky in love anyway, too greedy, believing I could somehow keep them both. That I could have my pretty cake and eat it too. Most people never managed to find even one greatlove of their lives. I’d somehow managed to find two and gave myself fully and willingly to both of them, knowing in my heart of hearts that it wasnevergoing to end well.

Time and time again, I’d refused to pick between the two of them, unable to even fathom the idea of doing such a thing, and now the Fates had intervened on my behalf and decided once and for all that I should have neither one.

The realization gutted me, shredded and gnawed at my soul from the inside out and made me want to run away even faster and further. To throw myself down to Hell like the abomination I was and take my chances there. But mostly, itmade me want to fold into myself and justceaseentirely.

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