Page 83 of Illusory

“Honestly, Tessa.” I gave her a hard double take as I tried to remember why I had thought it was a good idea to talk toherabout this of all people. “I’m not going to make a Pros and Cons list and tally them up against each other like they were acouple of used cars. It’s no wonder you’re still single.”

“Single by choice,” she corrected pointedly. “Besides, you have enough boyfriends for the both of us.”

I turned around and glared at her.

“Too soon?”

“You’re seriously not funny.”

“Come on. I’ma littlebit funny.” She eyed me again, studying some unknown marker on my face I couldn’t see. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, Jem, but if you don’t figure out some way to choose between the two of them, you’re going to end up losing them both.”

“I know that. And you’re not helping,” I added softly and then let out a heavy breath that somehow hurt my lungs and heart and head at the same time. Because deep down, I knew she was right. Hell, I already felt like I was losing Dominic, and honestly, I suspected Trace probably wasn’t that far behind him.

The whole thing felt very poetic, in a tragic kind of way.

I flopped back against the pillow, trying really hard not to cry again. “Maybe that’s what I deserve,” I mused, the irony not lost on me in the least.

She picked up a couple more chips and then paused. “Could that maybe be what you’re waiting for?” she asked tentatively. “For them to get fed up and make the decision for you?”

I frowned as I thought about it.

Wasthat what I was doing? Was I waiting for them to finally get sick of me and my crap and walk away from me so that I wouldn’t have to be the one to do it? I shrugged, not really sure of anything anymore other than the heaviness in my heart and the tears that were constantly screaming to be released.

I supposed in a way it would be easier to pass the buck onto them, but I really didn’t see how that would fix the whole living with half a heart problem.

“Just tell me what to do, Tess. Tell me how to fix this without destroying them both in the process.”

“I wish I could, little sis. I can fix a lot of things—a flat tire, an open Hellgate, a hive of demons running rampant on an unsuspecting city—no problem. But this…” She shook her head. “This really isn’t in my wheelhouse.”

I nodded, staring up at the ceiling as tears dripped from the corners of my eyes and into my hair. “I just know this is going to end badly for all of us.” I could feel it in the hollow depths of my soul.

A quiet beat passed between us as she reached over and swiped away at one of my tears. “Have you maybe ever considered the alternative?” she asked quietly.Cautiously.

I turned and met her eyes. “What alternative?”

“That…” Her eyes bounced back and forth between mine. “That maybe you’re not supposed to be with either one of them?”

I stared at her for a long time, feeling as though her words had knocked the air so far out of my lungs that I might never be able to pull in a full breath again. Because I hadn’t ever considered that. The thought of losing one was agonizing, but both?Unfathomable.

And yet, after she’d said it, it was suddenly the only thing I could think about for the rest of the night.

* * *

While my talk with Tessa hadn’t exactly solved any of my relationship problems, and even though I had left her room feeling even more confused about what to do than when I’d arrived, it had still been nice to be able to just hang out withmy sister and do nothing but pig out in her bed and watch old movies together. Especially since Gabriel had essentially banned the idea of going to a theatre altogether.

As nice as it was, though, it was also very un-Tessa like.

Because Tessanevertook days off. Even during our summer away, there was always something to hunt or vanquish or get intel on. Something to plot or learn or train for. And when there wasn’t, we were gone, back on the road on our way to the next town. She was like Slayer Barbie on crack and honestly, it had mostly just been really annoying, at the time, especially when I was trying to slip away to meetup with Dominic.

I couldn’t help but wonder what had sparked the sudden change in her.

Closing her door behind myself, I dragged my feet across the hall to my room, fully intent on crash-landing into my bed and staying there for the rest of the night. Even though I’d opted to skip dinner earlier, I had spent most of the evening gorging on Tessa’s impressive stash of chips, chocolate bars, and baked goodies that looked suspiciously like they’d come from Isa and was fairly certain I wasn’t going to need to eat again until next year.

Groaning and cursing my lack of self-control, I opened my bedroom door and then flicked on the light switch, my gaze immediately falling on Dominic. He was seated in the armchair with his head tipped back against the headrest and a glass of something dark and expensive looking in his hand as he sat there waiting. For me. In the dark.

I shut the door behind myself and then locked it even though I had meant to tell him that it wasn’t a good idea for him to be up here anymore. For some reason, my mind, body, and heart were dead set on running their own agendas, no matter how hard I tried to get them to be on the same page.

“Did you enjoy your evening with your sister?” he asked without lifting his head or meeting my eyes.

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