Page 39 of Pity Play

“Fine, you’ve caught me.” My brother confesses, “The truth is that now that we’re all grown up, I got to thinking that you two might be a good match. You know, you’re both so creative and all.”

“So, my staying here wasn’t for my benefit?” Luke sounds angry. “It was to set me up with yoursister?” He says sister like it’s a synonym for vampire, or slug. Either way, it’s not very flattering.

I’m insulted that he’s taking it so hard. If he weren’t standing here, I’d probably thank my brother for his intervention. Yet I feel pressured to sound as offended as Luke does, so, I tell Noah, “I can find my own dates, thank you very much.”

“Can you though?” he demands. “You’ve had the biggest crush on Luke ever since you first met him. I thought I was doing you a favor.” It’s my turn to blush.

Glancing up nervously, I attempt to smile at my guest. Though, I’m certain it comes out more as a grimace. “I did have a crush on you, but I don’t anymore. I mean, obviously.” The image of me playing peeping Tom yesterday pops into my mind and I lower my head in shame.

“Noah,” Luke tells my brother, “I’m too busy to date. Not to mention, Lorelai and I don’t even live in the same town.” Happily, he doesn’t mention my childhood infatuation, or my voyeuristic tendencies. I’m not sure I could handle that.

“Lorelai might be leaving Elk Lake,” Noah says, which once again makes me angry that he learned of my fate before I did.

“Imayhave to move,” I tell him, “But I have no plans on moving to Chicago.” If I did, I’d probably only be able to afford to rent a stoop in front of a seedy liquor store.

“You could move to Chicago if you wanted,” Noah says. “I’d even let you stay with me for a month while you got settled.” Apparently, the word is out in my family.Don’t let Lorelai stay for long or she’ll never leave.

“How magnanimous of you.” The sarcasm is heavy. “But I’ll find some way to make it on my own, and that won’t be in Chicago.”

“You’re both missing the point,” Noah says.

“Which is?” Luke sounds perturbed, which of course ruffles me.

“You’re both single and reasonably good-looking …” Luke is straight up hot, so I suppose I’m the one being damned by this dim compliment. Noah continues, “And I love you both. I think you’d be great together.”

The tension is suddenly so thick you’d think the room was about to explode like an atomic bomb being detonated. “I don’t have time to think about dating anyone,” I tell my brother.

“Luke isn’t just anyone,” he says. “He’s your childhood heartthrob.” I want to slink under the table and hide. I so badly want to look at Luke but I’m afraid I’ll see an expression of disgust etched across his features.

The object of my fantasies interjects, “I’m in Elk Lake to patch things up with my dad, Noah. And while I appreciate your helping me find a place to stay, I’d be grateful if you’d stay out of the rest of my business.”

I am mortified.

Inhaling deeply, I somehow manage to add, “That goes double for me. My biggest problem isn’t my single status. It’s that my whole life is about to change.”

“In three months.”

“If you’re going to pity me, Noah, pity my housing situation, not my lack of a social life.”

“There’s no pity at play here,” he tells me. “I’m just trying to help two people who mean the world to me.”

I have never been this embarrassed in my life and that includes the time my shorts fell off while riding the centrifugal force ride at the county fair when I was a sophomore in high school. There’s no humiliation quite like having a good chunk of the town know you prefer granny panties to something more age appropriate. I can’t think of anything else to say, so I tell my brother, “Goodbye, Noah. Mind your own business.” Then I hang up on him.

Luke turns around and walks back to the stove. He serves up two plates and brings them back to the table. Sitting across from me, he says, “I know you used to like me, Lorelai, but I’m really not looking right now.”

Oh no, he didn’t.“Ididhave a crush on you, Luke, but I assure you that I no longer do. I’m an adult now. I’ve moved on.” I don’t make eye contact while I say this because I’m sure if I did, he’d be able to tell that I’m lying.

“Good,” he says. “It’s not that you’re not a nice kid … woman … but like I told Noah, I’m not looking to get involved with anyone.”

Oh, My. God. Why can’t he let this go? “Neither am I,” I assure him.

“Good,” he repeats.

“Yes, it is.”

I pick up my fork with the intention of not saying another word to him. Then I take a bite of the crepe. I groan out loud like I’m experiencing some form of ecstasy, which I am. My taste budshave never been this happy. “Thank you for making breakfast,” I tell him. “It’s delicious.”

“You’re welcome.” We eat the rest of our meal in excruciating silence. Not only do I have to leave my home soon, but my brother has made my dream turn into a nightmare. What else can go wrong?

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