Page 50 of The Art of Deception

She exhales with a frown. “You’ve been cleaning the same section for the last twenty minutes.”

I glance down at the workstation I’m actually meant to be pulling apart rather than cleaning, and I throw the cloth down in a huff. “I’m gonna go get some more cloths.”

Jana raises her brow but nods as I stomp my way over to the supply closet. I walk in, searching for the cloths, and a flashback hits me—Xander, me, up against the shelves kissing like mad fools. My chest squeezes as the emotion slams into me full force.

I want to be strong.

I’m supposed to be brave.

But right now, seeing Xander dressed like him, like Alex, it’s all a little too much.

Tears pool in my eyes, and my throat squeezes in anguish. I scarcely breathe as my heart hammers. I can’t help it, the tears start to cascade down my cheeks as I sob. My hand smothers my mouth to try and keep quiet so Jana can’t hear me. I clench my eyes shut, trying to contain myself. But the harder I try to stop my emotions, the stronger they become, and the more intense the flashes of Xander and I up against those shelves appear. They’re like living Technicolor invading my mind as I cry full force, gut-wrenching tears, the hot liquid pouring down my face while my stomach’s heaving and my legs give out from under me, and I plummet to the floor.

How could he do this to me?

How could I let him do this to me?

I rock back and forth on my butt, my emotions wracking through my body, enveloping me and taking me prisoner. I haven’t cried like this in so long, certainly not since my parents passed away. A piece of me is dying right now. A piece of me who felt I had a future with Xander, like we could have built a life together. He was everything I could have ever wanted, for me, for Levi. But he’s this whole other persona, a man I’ve been waging a war against for so long.

How the hell did I not know?

The way his face would crinkle or the way he would shift when I talked about Alex Scott, yes, I should have picked up on his reactions more. I’m so damn stupid, and I have no one to blamebut myself.

This misery I’m feeling right now is my own burden to bear as tears flood my cheeks. I sniff back, trying to keep myself in some sort of semblance of a functioning state, but it’s hard when my emotions quickly become out of control. I need to find a way to calm myself, but I can’t as I rock back and forth, thinking, wishing things were different, just wanting one more night with Xander,Just Xander, not the ghosts of Alex in the room.

Suddenly, the door flies open, and Jana’s eyes shift down to me. “Oh, T-Tomi.” Her voice breaks as she drops to the floor, yanking me into her arms.

It only makes me cry harder as she strokes my hair. “Let it out, honey… just let it all out.”

I collapse into her arms as she holds onto me like she’s my lifeline. I need her right now as I cry for everything I’ve lost.

It all hits me.

Not only Xander—he’s just the catalyst of this meltdown.

My shop.

My business family.

Kaylie.

My parents.

Stability for Levi.

I’ve lost so much in my twenty-five years, and it’s all hitting me with gale-force winds blowing right through my soul. I’m a blubbering mess as I sob uncontrollably in Jana’s lap. She’s doing everything right as she simply sits with me, stroking my hair while I let this built-up emotion sweep me into its wake. She gently rocks me back and forth in a soothing motion as the sobbing gradually eases, the hiccups start, and my tears begin to slow.

I have no idea how long we’ve been on the floor.

It feels like seconds.

Or is it a lifetime?

I have no concept of time right now as I sniffle and slowly sit up in her arms. Her somber eyes glisten like she, too, is on the verge of tears as she leans in, wiping stray tears from my cheek.

“Tomi, I’ve let you have your mental break. You deserved it. It was needed. But honey, you have to pull your shit together now.”

My eyes widen as I take in her no-bullshit attitude. I know she cares about me. She’s not trying to be mean, so I hear her out. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, blinking a few times. “I don’t know how?”

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