Page 66 of Return to Me Always

"I'm still not sure that's fate," he said, too quickly.

The slow realization occurred to me that no matter what I said about it, he had already made up his mind tonotbelieve in fate, tonotbelieve in destiny for some reason. How could you change someone's mind about something like that? You couldn't. You just couldn't.

"Well, what about love then?" I asked, refusing to give up. "Do you believe in love?"

He sighed, clearly not enjoying this conversation. "Not really. No."

Oh, God.So I was crazy in love with someone who didn't even believe in love? What kind of torture was this?

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just don't believe in all that stuff."

My heart splintered into a million fractured pieces. As if that wasn't enough, he went on, each word destroying me, pummeling my chest, my soul.

"I see this life, this world, and I don't believe in love... in fate, in destiny, whatever you want to call it. There's too much pain. Too much suffering. If something like fate or destiny existed, wouldn't this world be a happier place? If love really existed, wouldn't people be happier?"

I had no answer for that. This worldcouldbe a miserable place. Therewasan enormous amount of suffering. The rain pelted me, the wind now rising, as if wanting the answer to these questions too.

Tyler continued, raising his voice to fight the ominous weather. "There's too much destruction. War. Greed. Even the actual earth we are walking on is suffering."

Pain shot through my already shattered heart. He was right. In many ways.

"That's why I like nature so much," he said. "It's the only place to find real peace."

Through the dark clouds, the slightest hint of light began to appear, announcing the coming dawn. And with it, a small feeling of hope rose up in me. I could convince him. I was stubborn after all and didn't like to give up.

"I can understand that," I said. "But it's notalldoom and gloom out there in the world. I know there's an immense amount of suffering, of sadness. But I know there's also a great amount of happiness too. Iknowthat love exists. And Iknowthat love is the only thing we have to combat the darkness."

I felt his eyes on me as we continued on against the driving rain and now howling wind. "How do you know that?"

My fractured heart started to thud. "Because I've seen it. I've felt it." I paused, working up some much-needed courage. "With you."

There. I said it. It was out there. Again...

He sighed. "I know you think that. But I've seen the darkest side of love and life that no one should have to experience."

What did he mean? Had his heart been broken in the past? "You mean with ex-girlfriends?"

"Nah. Not any girl."

He was quiet for so long, I wondered if he'd ever continue. We trudged on, the sky beginning to lighten to the deepest of grays, and I stayed silent, refusing to say anything in the hope that he would eventually explain himself.

And he did.

"I'm talking about my parents," he finally said.

I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break even more. But it did. Of course.His parents. How did I not think of that?

"Oh, God, Tyler. I'm so sorry."

He dragged his fingers through his soaking wet hair. "I know. And I appreciate that. But what you don't know is—is—"

Tyler stopped speaking, and I suddenly knew he was going to confide in me and tell me what I had already learned from Ben. But I vowed to myself not to say a word.

"I was there when it happened." His voice cracked, that deep voice that I so loved, that was so strong, so solid. "I saw it. It happened right in front of me."

I fought to breathe.

"I went with them that day. My brother didn't want to go. But I just thought it'd be cool to see them take off and land. It was only going to be a thirty-minute ride..."

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