Page 103 of The Pinkie Pact

Oh, God, that was the same thing Kieran had said. He needed time. But this was different. He shouldn't have needed time. He should have fucking believed me. No question. No doubts.

And now, I knew what Kara was talking about when she said how awful heartbreak was. It hurt so much. I couldn't believe it actually physically hurt, my aching chest a constant reminder.

After we talked, Bear fed me ice cream, tucked me in, and put on mindless TV for me until I fell into a restless sleep on his big bed.

When I woke up in the morning, I had that awful feeling where I couldn't remember where I was for a moment, and all the events of last night crashed over me, crushing me once more right in the heart.

Had all that really happened? Or had it been a bad dream?

But in my soul, I knew it was real. I knew the nightmare was reality. And the worst part was that Kieran and I were over. Even if he apologized, how could I ever get past this? How could I ever trust him again?

I turned on my phone to check the time, and a bunch of notifications popped up—missed calls, voicemails, text messages. All from Kieran.

Quickly, I scanned the time and turned it off again. I couldn't even look at anything he had to say. Through the tears in my eyes, I glanced over at Bear's peaceful face as he slept on the other side of his bed. I needed to get to class. I needed to focus on my studies.

Getting out of the bed, I went to Bear's bathroom and brushed my teeth with his extra toothbrush, then snuck out the door trying my best not to wake him. I'd call him later and thank him again for all his help during my latest crisis.

The long walk from Georgetown back to my dorm was refreshing and gave me some clarity. I could do this. I would figure out a way to get Kieran out of my head, and I'd kick this heartbreak to the curb. No guy was worth it.

But the closer I was to campus, the more my resolve faded. Images of Kieran kept popping up in my head, images of our time together—our first kiss, our first real conversation, sitting across from him eating dinner, making love. God, it was fucking torture, and I was a complete mess.

Kicking a rock on the sidewalk, I rounded the corner to my dorm. Dread filled my stomach at the thought of facing Kara. She should really be at her class by now, but sometimes she skipped, and who knew where she'd actually be at the moment.

I needed to grab my bag before my classes and then I'd be out all day. If I did run into her, I decided to stick to the same story and tell her that Kieran and I had a fight and I'd spare her the details.

Cracking open the door to our room, I hesitated but didn't hear any voices. Breathing a sigh of relief, I stepped inside and had the shock of my life when I saw Kieran standing there by the couch, like he'd been waiting for me.

"Fuck, Kieran, you scared the crap out of me!"

He closed his eyes for a second, his face pale. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was the last thing I meant to do," he said in a hoarse voice.

I ignored him and went to my bed, gathering what I would need for the day with my back to him. But I couldfeelhim walking closer, slowly, and I couldn't take it.

Whirling around, I faced him. "What are you even doing here? I don't want to see you or talk to you ever again."

He stopped in his tracks, looking like he'd been hit in the gut. "I know. I get that. And you have every right to feel that way."

For some reason, that pissed me off even more. "Oh, good. I'm glad you think so."

The look in his eyes was agony, but I refused to let that get to me. "I know you hate me right now," he said, "but I just was hoping you'd give me a chance to explain. That's all."

No, no, no. I wouldnotsoften toward him, no matter how sorry he sounded. "I have to go to class," I said, my voice hard.

Turning away from him so I wouldn't be persuaded, I grabbed my bag and headed out, not looking at him again as I went out the door.

Why did it feel like my heart was breaking all over again?

Because just seeing him was absolute torture, and the worst part was he had looked awful, like he hadn't slept, like he was miserable, like he was actually sorry.

And part of me, despite it all, wanted to hug him... and wanted him to hug me. But I was determined to ignore it and listen to the bigger part inside me that was still pissed as hell about everything.

***

Somehow, I made it through the morning and then the afternoon. I was glad to have a busy day of classes because it was somewhat of a distraction. At least, I would get caught up on my studies now, and I could devote all my time to it again.

Throughout my day, I heard from Kara several times, asking how I was. I also talked to Bear who strangely urged me to hear Kieran out, but I wasn't so sure. All the messages Kieran had left last night I erased without listening to or reading.

I wasn't very hungry, and I never even bothered to eat. So now I had a raging headache as I exited the building after my last class. And there was Kieran again, leaning against the wall, the same damn place where I had jumped on him only a few days ago.

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