Page 40 of The Pinkie Pact

That cookie that they'd brought.

Oh, shit. I hadn't felt like this in a very long time. I had sworn off drugs senior year of high school after trying them once. I hated the feeling of not being in control.

"What... what did you guys do?" I think I asked.

Sky's eyes seemed concerned and sympathetic before she looked at Kara for a long time. Too long. I needed her eyes back toward me. Or I'd lose my goddamn mind.

"I hate this feeling," I said.

Sky's head whipped around to face me, leaving ripples in its wake. "Kier, hang in there. Let's just watch a movie. Okay?"

Kara grabbed the remote. "I think Kier needs some Disney. MaybeMoana?"

I couldn't speak. I hated this.Hatedthis.

Something touched my hand, and I started to move away, not sure what it was. But I looked down to see it was Sky's hand, her pinkie reaching out to just barely touch my own. Then she latched her finger over mine, making me close my eyes at the sensation.

"Breathe," she said.

I took a breath. Why were there so many colors on the back of my eyelids? Were they always there?

"Just watch the movie," she said. "It'll help."

I opened my eyes to see the calming blue of the ocean, a color exactly like Sky's eyes.Sky's eyes. I'd just think about that.

Her whole hand reached out to cover mine. "This'll pass," she said, her voice soothing.

She was my lifeline. She was my anchor. The blueness started to wash over me, comfort me, quiet me.

"I have a headache," Kara suddenly said. "Can I lay down on your bed for a bit?"

Tearing my eyes away from the screen, I looked at my sister. "Um, sure."

She gave me a weird smile and disappeared as I turned back to the movie. The water was beautiful, just like this girl sitting so close to me. I couldn't believe how amazing her hand felt over the top of my own. Still staring at the TV, I wondered what it would feel like if our palms actually touched.

What would happen if I flipped my hand over? Would she let go? Would she pull away?

There was no other way to find out except to just do it. Not daring to even breathe, I turned my hand over, and our palms barely touched, sending shockwaves up my arm. Unbelievable. She hesitated a moment, and I felt like we were balanced at the top of a precipice, waiting to see if we'd fall or walk away unscathed.

And then, her hand fully embraced mine as she laced her fingers through my own, the amazing feeling ricocheting throughout my whole body. She squeezed and so did I, all while watching the ocean on screen come alive, and so did I in a way I'd never felt before. Not even close. Something simple like holding hands feltincredible.

Seconds later, a gut-wrenching guilt took over. I was an awful human being, the worst kind. I hated cheaters, and here I was. I hated myself right now. How could I do this?

But as much as I wanted to, as much as I knew I should, I couldn't let go. If I did, I'd drown.

Sky grasped my hand tighter. "Just focus on the movie."

And so I did. Maybe a little too much. It felt like the ocean was speaking to me. It felt like the movie was offering me a deeper message to follow my heart and listen to my inner voice. And after a while, with the feeling of Sky's hand in mine, I began to actually enjoy myself.

Together, we laughed at the ridiculously buff Maui and his moving tattoos and then the crazy coconut pirates. Laughing with Sky did something to me. I couldn't lie. I couldn't deny it anymore. There was something about her that called to me, something so incredibly strong.

Maybe it was the drugs in my system, maybe it was how close she was sitting to me, but a longing shot through my whole body formore. I wanted more. I wanted more with her.

I fought with the guilt. Inside me, there was a fierce battle going on between what I had and what I wanted. And I wanted Sky. Desperately.

But I wouldn't. Of course, I wouldn't. Yes, we were still holding hands. And yes, I felt crazy. But I wouldn't do anything more. As much as I wanted to pull her close and feel every part of her, I wouldn't.

The madness kept buzzing through me, sometimes an overwhelming guilt, sometimes hot desire, and sometimes simply wishing for this whole thing to be over.

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