Page 1 of Living Without

Chapter One

NARY

At the age of twenty, some would think I would have known what I wanted with my life. I didn’t. No, that wasn’t right. I knew where I wanted my career to go at least. What my mind was up in the air about was my love life.

As I walked to my car, my thoughts wandered. It was only then I realised it was so late. The stars shone while the cool air held a scent of rain. I found myself glad my uni had enough lights around to spotlight the car park. I pulled my eyes down to my watch; I was late for my pizza date, and no doubt, Jerimiah would be worried. Especially when he found out I hadn’t left the media room with a group of people like I’d told him I would. Regret formed low in my belly, churning it. I’d wanted time alone to work on my assignment, so it was my own stupid fault for lying and becoming paranoid someone was watching me.

Thinking of Jerimiah, a smile formed on my mouth and I couldn’t help but picture the time I’d met him. He had been in my business class; it had been the only one we’d shared together, and throughout it, he’d kept glancing over at me. Of course I noticed out the corner of my eyes, who wouldn’t, especially when the best-looking guy in there tried to catch my attention. As soon as I met his gaze, he’d smiled and waved. Then he’d actually blushed. I’d offered an attentive smile back and gazed back down to my work. It was the next class where I’d found the—usually free—seat next to me occupied by Jerimiah. My heart had skipped a beat and my stomach had started playing havoc, as if there was a stampede of tiny bulls running wild in there. As soon as I’d sat, he’d turned to me and introduced himself. From that day on, we’d become close, having coffee with each other, going to the movies, and spending hours studying together.

This was despite Jerimiah being a part of the Venom MC, a club that brought my family’s MC club, the Hawks, nothing but trouble. I’d discovered about his membership two years earlier, but that hadn’t stopped us forming a relationship.

It had been two weeks after Jerimiah and I had met and become friends—with a side of something else, something that warmed my belly—when I’d gone to the Hawks compound in search of either Josie or Low. I’d needed advice.

I open the front office door to the side mechanical business at the compound, only to find the office empty. With a frown, I walk to the door that opens into the garage. Stepping out, I see Muff, a biker brother to the Caroline Springs Hawks charter.

“Hey, Muff. Do you know if Low or Josie is here?”

“Nah, babe. I think Josie is at uni and Low’s out with Dive somewhere.”

“Nary,” is bit out behind me. Straightaway, I know who it is. I know his voice, regardless of the tone, anywhere. Though with me, it’s always growly, snappy, or short.

Turning, I face Saxon. He’s the one man who takes my breath away, who stole my heart when I was sixteen, who is on my mind constantly. Even when he’s a prick to me, my heart doesn’t seem to care. Though my mind often tells me to forget about him.

“Saxon?”

“Office, now,” he clips before he turns and steps back into the office.

Listening to my mind, which tells me to ignore his order and get out of there, isn’t an option, especially when my heart beats faster in his presence. It has me following him silently.

Moving through the door, I stop just on the other side to find Saxon already near the front entrance with his arms crossed over his chest scowling at me. “Dodge wants to see you in his office out back.”

My head jerks back. Why couldn’t he have told me that in front of Muff?

When I realise that’s all he wants to say, my shoulders sag in defeat. He holds nothing in his heart for me, and I have to stop holding out hope for him. Looking to the floor, I nod, turn, and walk back into the garage. Anger has me slapping my feet on the concrete floor harder than usual as I stomp towards Dodge’s office. Another question slips into my mind.Why does Dodge want to see me in his office?

Ignoring it, I come to the door and swing it open. My eyes widen when I notice it isn’t only Dodge in there, but other members fill the space and the room is thick with tension.

“Nary?” Dodge asks.

“Oh, um….” My eyes shift around the room, and a gasp falls from my lips. “You, you’re… no,” I whisper before turning and running back down the hall. Seeing Jerimiah standing in there, behind a man who looks like him wearing a Venom MC vest, slices hurt through me. Even in the two weeks I knew him, he could have said something.

He hadn’t.

I bolt through the garage, as someone calls out to me, but I ignore him and keep running, right outside. My chest hurts with the breath I try to gulp in from the shock and adrenaline pounding through me. With fast movements, I make it to my car and unlock it. However, before I get in, I look back to the garage once, and I wish I hadn’t.

Standing outside, leaning against the brick wall is Saxon and on his handsome face is a smirk.

That day I finally realised Saxon and I would never be anything to each other.

The knowledge had settled deep within my lower abdomen, causing it to churn with a hollowed sadness.

I’d always hoped, always believed he would have eventually seen what we could have been one day.

He’d known who I would see in the room that day. And he’d been happy my heart had hurt at the betrayal that had sliced through me from Jerimiah keeping something from me.

The whole scene had angered me, and yet my heart still cared for Saxon.

Honestly, I had started to consider my heart as a second person because my mind was on a different path to what my heart had felt. My mind was sick of my unrequited love for Saxon. Rejection stung. It wanted to move on, and it could with a guy like Jerimiah. Which was why I had been officially dating Jerimiah for the last four months. He’d come to my apartment two years ago, after that night I’d discovered he was a part of Venom and explained his whole situation of having a controlling father. He didn’t want to be with Venom, and he’d told me as soon as he could, he’d make the move to leave. From the time I’d already spent with him, I’d felt as though I could trust him, and his words. So I continued being his friend, until twenty months later when he’d kissed me one night. The touch of his lips had sent my body into a wave of desire.

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