Page 19 of Living Without

But she’s better off with someone normal.

I’m not normal.

I never will be because I see my mum’s dead body on the kitchen floor every night I close my eyes. Then I see my bloody hands holding the knife that killed her. Then I see my dad come home, see Mum on the floor bleeding out, and he raises a brow before strolling over to the kettle to boil it. I stand there in shock, in fear at the age of fourteen. I stand there doing nothing as he picks up the kettle and throws the boiling water at my chest and stomach. “Self-defence.” Dad smiles and then calls the police and ambulance.

I meet Fang’s hard eyes and say, “Have at her. But you have to swear you’ll protect her with your life. If you don’t, you step down.”

“Done,” he clips before leaving.

My hand absently rubs my stomach, over the puckered scars my dad had left me. Apparently he’d known Mum had been physically and mentally abusing me for years. However, he’d done nothing about it because he’d known one day I would snap. He was looking forward to the payout he’d receive after she died. And then he became my new tormenter, holding the fact I’d killed my own mother over me. Threatening if I didn’t do as I was told, he would call the police and tell them the truth.

Thank fuck Stoke scared him enough to leave me the fuck alone. He’d heard bad things about Hawks; that once they took you under their wing, you were forever protected. My dad wasn’t stupid; he couldn’t fight a club for me. Since the day Stoke got me from that house, I’d never looked back. Still, it didn’t stop the thoughts, the dreams, and how unhinged I was regarding it all.

She was my mother, and I’d taken her life.

There could have been other ways to deal with it, but I chose not to go with any of them; instead, I’d taken a knife to my own mother.

Right to her chest.

Her blood was still on my hands.

Her blood was still fresh on my mind.

Nary deserved clean. She deserved untainted. She deserved the world.

But it was time to take a chance. It was time to lay it all out for my woman to see what she could take, and if she couldn’t take the truth, the scars, the nightmares, then I’d walk away. For her sake, I had to. Didn’t mean I wouldn’t and couldn’t protect her from afar. What I did know was that I would never trust another to keep her safe, never trust another with my angel.

I would always be there for her.

“Hey, you,” was yelled across the room. I looked up to see Mrs Cliff’s eyes on me. “Get your cute arse over here and eat.”

Jesus. They just had to bring her. The lady was crazy.

Silently, I walked over to her as she stood in front of the table of food. She picked up a plate and shoved it at me. If I hadn’t quickly grabbed it, I would have been winded from the force. Next she took my arm, and as we made our way around the table, she piled food on the plate.

After she was satisfied with the amount of food she’d served up, she turned to me and said, “You need to keep your strength up to beat the fuckers who took our girl.” When I nodded, she smiled. “Good. You know, if I were many years younger, Nary wouldn’t stand a chance. I would snap you up in seconds. You may not walk for a few days after, but the tricks I could show you would blow your mind. Why just the other day I had—”

“Mrs Cliff,” Malinda cried as she walked our way. “Please don’t finish that sentence.”

If I wasn’t in a foul mood, the old bat would have had a smile outta me. Instead, I took my escape and went to sit down. They were right about one thing. I needed to keep my strength up.

Handle, a brother who’d lost his woman to Baxter because of his flesh-and-blood brother, sauntered up and sat next to me. “How you doin’?”

He was the one I’d gotten somewhat close to. We hung out, we drank, we talked, only it was about nothin’ important. Though, he was the only one who’d noticed I’d been flirting with the club whores but not fuckin’ them. He’d asked me about it, and I’d told him I wasn’t interested. Then Nary had walked into the room. My eyes went straight to her, like every time, and then he’d chuckled and said, “Yeah, I can see why you’re not interested.” Still, it didn’t stop me from dragging a whore from the room, leavin’ Nary to think I was screwin’ her.

Shit, I was messed up.

Glancing to Handle, I swallowed the lump in my throat along with the food, and growled, “Fine.”

“She won’t end up like my missus,” he declared.

Stiffening, I looked to him.

“She won’t. We’ll find them, take them out, and get her back.”

“We will,” I bit out.

“Yeah, we will.” He slapped his hand to my back and said, “Always here, brother.”

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