Page 37 of Living Without

Death.

I should have accepted it a long time ago.

Was I a coward that I hadn’t?

It felt like it.

Then Nary showed, and with all the talk about her family, hope had filled me once again. So much hope. Nary made things shine. She made me smile and placed a need to survive in me, a need to live even when each day was filled with pain in more ways than one. Physically and mentally.

However, since I watched the only light I’d had in the last eight months walk from the room, I wished for death once again.

I jumped when Brendan’s belt hit the ground. What I should do was just lay there and take it; at least it would be less painful. Something I’d learned over time. Instead, I found myself scooting up the mattress on my behind until my back hit the wall. I cried silently as I heard Brendan’s zipper slide down. The room was lit only by the light on Brendan’s phone. Though even with my eyes closed, I knew what was going on. Being locked away for eight months in the dark had strengthened my hearing. I wished it hadn’t.

A hand curled around my ankle. I let out a cry when I was roughly pulled down the mattress.

“Fuck, you need a shower. You stink,” he complained.

Suffer.

Covering my face with my arms, I cried as his hands shoved my legs apart. I cried as I heard him shove his jeans down, and then I cried as he lay over me.

“What the fuck?” he yelled and pulled back as something hard hit the door. He laughed. “Idiots.” He was over me once again when suddenly the door gave way and crashed loudly to the ground.

I screamed and shoved at Brendan, who was struggling with getting off me and doing up his pants at the same time.

Blinking, my eyes finally focused on a large man, one I had never seen before.

“P-please no,” I whimpered as he stalked towards us. I saw his jaw clench as he glanced down at me in his approach.

“Who in the hell are you?” Brendan barked as he finally stood beside the mattress.

Still the man didn’t stop. He came right up to Brendan, gripped his head and then twisted.

Brendan’s body hit the floor. His lifeless eyes staring up at nothing.

A scream built inside of me. This was it. I was about to die, and yet I still wanted to fight.

For what?

For nothing.

There wasn’t anything or anyone to fight for.

I bit off my scream of terror and snapped my mouth closed. Instead, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I arched my neck, so he could grab it easier and nodded once. Acceptance filled me, calmed my heart and shaking body.

Death was better for me.

It would finally bring me peace. It would stop my body from aching, my heart from breaking and take away my mind from the nightmares I’d endured.

“Kelsey?”

My head jerked back, my eyes opening wide.

“My name’s Gypsy, and I’m here with Nary’s family. I’m gonna take you to Nary.” His hand reached out, but I cringed back. “Kelsey, I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise.” His eyes looked less harsh than they did when he’d entered the room. “Fuck, baby, what did they do to you?” His gaze was on my thighs. On the scars.

I tried to shift my nightgown down when I heard screamed, “Kelsey?”

“N-Nary,” I whispered. “N-Nary?” I called and struggled up. Gypsy was there. He’d helped me. “Nary?” I cried, my voice caught with fear.

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