Page 40 of Living Without

He was there.

He was beautifully scary.

His reluctance to leave my side threw me. Shocked me even.Another emotion to add to my large list.

What would happen next? I didn’t know. All I knew was I was grateful to be free. Like Kelsey had said. It was beautiful.

* * * *

A gasp choked my throat. I straightened, coughing, raising my hand to my chest as my heart beat scary fast behind my ribs. For a second, I didn’t know where I was, until Dad, next to me, gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and said, “You’re okay, honey.”

Turning to look at him, I offered a small smile and a nod. I glanced beside me for Kelsey. She wasn’t there. I spun to the back seat as I heard the side door to the van being pulled open. In the back seat, I found Kelsey curled up on Gypsy’s lap.

“She wouldn’t sleep or relax,” Gypsy said quietly, his brows drawn down, his lips pinched tight in concern.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

My name being cried out in a scream had me facing the front, and through the windshield, I saw my mum running out of the compound and straight for the vehicle. There were many other cars around us, but I knew what gave it away to where I was. All the men, my family, surrounded it.

My body ached, but it gave me what I wanted. I moved fast out of the van, climbing over Dad before he had the chance to get out since he was closest to the door.

“Nary,” Mum cried, her hand covering her mouth. Tears ran down her cheeks as she stopped just in front of me. “Honey,” she breathed.

“I’m okay,” I murmured, and next I was crushed to her chest. I buried my head into her neck as I bawled.

My mum.

I was home. Safe.

“I was so worried, honey. So worried for my girl.” She sniffed and tried to pull me back to look at me, but I clung to her. I wasn’t ready to let her go and she knew it, so she held me tighter, closer.

“Sis,” was said quietly beside me.

Lifting my head, my eyes landed on my brother. My brave brother who had tears in his eyes. I moved into his outstretched arms. More crying, more belly dipping and heart breaking as my brother broke with me. He cried and mumbled into my hair, “Jesus, fuck… Jesus, fuck. You’re back. You’re here. They got you back.”

Nodding, over and over into his chest, I gripped him to me and said, “I’m okay. I’m good.”

“Josh, let’s get her inside, yeah?” Dad suggested from beside us. His hand came to my shoulder and pulled me tenderly back to tuck me under his arm. Over everyone, I saw Gypsy walking into the compound with Kelsey in his arms. She mustn’t have woken, even through all the commotion.

Dad started for the doors and everyone followed. Mum came to his other side where he wound his free arm around her shoulders. Josh was at my other side, and he took the hand I wasn’t using to wipe my face.

We only came to a stop when Saxon stepped in front of us. His eyes… I couldn’t work out what it was. Though it seemed a fire had been lit in them, they also held concern and fear.

“Fuck,” he bit out. His head tilted to its side and through a clenched jaw, he clipped, “Brother?” His hands fisted at his sides. He shifted from one foot to another, and yet his body threw off tension. “Please,” he hissed low.

Looking up, I saw Dad lift his chin, before he said, “Why don’t you take Nary in, Vicious?”

My eyes widened. This was what he was asking for?

Why?

It dawned on me. Saxon had been scaredforme, concernedforme. What I saw in his eyes was his true emotions for the first time.

The man before us stalked right up to me, Josh, and Dad, moved in, and I was swept up into his arms, carried bride-style into the compound. Tears formed once again—really they were always present, ready for my control to slip, allowing them to fall. Glancing up at Saxon, as he ground his teeth together, I slowly reached a hand up and touched his jaw. His eyes flicked down to me. “I’m okay,” I whispered. His reply was a grunt. His eyes narrowed when he glanced back up to watch where he was walking down the hall.

He didn’t believe me, and really, I didn’t believe those words myself. Iwasmore than okay being back with my family, but what had happened to me, to Kelsey, had damaged us, and I knew a part of me would never be okay again.

So I moved my hand to his chest where I felt his heart beating frantically behind his ribs. He walked us into the common area, and a loud murmur of voices broke out as soon as I was spotted. Saxon planted me on my feet and then stepped in front of me. He moved his hand behind him to touch my waist.

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