Page 55 of Living Without

She nodded and smiled. “I am.” She sat on the end of the bed, then moved forward. When she sat in front of me, I planted my behind on the bed and took her hand in mine.

“What is it? Because I was sure you were fine before you left the room with Gypsy, and now you come back, and you’re unsure about something you want to tell me. I’m worried.”

“Please, don’t w-worry. I’m only unsure because I’m worried what y-you will think of it.”

“What?” I asked quietly, giving her hand a squeeze.

“Gypsy just s-spoke to me. He told me he has to go back home soon—”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” I interrupted.

She shook her head, licked her dry lips, and said, “He wants to take me with him.”

“What?” I yelled. My heart jumped. I could already see the answer in her eyes: She was going. Leaving. I rubbed a hand across my chest. It ached for a different reason. Not because she was leaving; I knew it would be the best choice for her. She had a connection with Gypsy and he with her, so I wouldn’t stand in the way of it.

What was churning my stomach was fear. We’d been there for one another. We knew what it was really like. We were in it together. We helped each other. We were… weak together.

Tears filled my eyes, and blinking through them, I saw Kelsey was also crying silently. She nodded and sniffed. “I-if we keep ourselves wrapped up together, I-I’m afraid we both won’t learn how t-to live again.”

Kelsey, my sweet friend, had come to the same conclusion I had. It wasn’t only the men who were our safety. We were each other’s. Only, I never realised it was in a bad way. I realised then that if Kelsey stayed, I wouldn’t get back to who I was. I wouldn’t go back to uni, move back into my apartment, or get on with life. Helping Kelsey would be what I focused on. We both knew this.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice breaking at the end. I didn’t want her to be sure, because I wasn’t myself. Not for Kelsey, but for myself. If she went, I would have to face reality. I would have to move on and… God, was I ready for it? I didn’t know and that scared me the most.

“Yes,” she said and then pulled in a deep breath. “W-when Gypsy said he was going home, my whole body…” She shook her head. “My heart felt hollowed, and it hurt me, here.” She lay a hand over her chest. “I know I’ll miss you so much because you have been… you’re amazing, Nary.” She looked down to the bed, then back up, and smiled sadly. “But I know I can’t go a day without seeing him.”

Nodding, I offered, “I know what you mean.” I was the same with Saxon. Every morning when I woke, I sought him out. Every step I took, I looked for him, and every time we were apart, I wanted him near. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I’ll miss you dearly, but we can call, Skype, and message each other every day.” My shoulders slumped. I wanted to take the words back and tell her not to go, tell her to never leave me, but I would be doing it for a selfish reason, and I meant what I said. Her happiness was all that mattered.

“I-It’s going to be—”

“Scary, but exciting. Gypsy is a man of honour, of trust. I know you’ll be in safe hands with him. He’s also hot as well.” I fanned myself and watched Kelsey shyly smile while her cheeks heated.

“I think so also.”

“What, about him being hot?”

Her eyes widened, and then she giggled. “No, I-I meant he’s very trustworthy.”

“He is. And, honey, he’s very lucky to have you going back with him, but you’re also lucky because it’s obvious he thinks the world of you.”

“Yes.” She grinned. “Luck i-is finally shining.”

“It is,” I said softly.

* * * *

Three days later

Kelsey and I were sitting out the back on one of the picnic tables talking and enjoying each other’s company before she flew out with Gypsy the next day. I couldn’t believe she was going still, and my stomach did a pity dance at the thought of being away from her, but it would be for the best, for both of us. I just had to keep reminding myself.

I moved my eyes from Kelsey when I heard the back door to the compound open. When I flicked my gaze there, I froze. Jerimiah had just stepped out. I shifted my gaze to Saxon, where he was working on his bike not far from us with Gypsy. I saw his head rise and then the fierce glare directed at Jerimiah. He dropped whatever tool he had in his hand and started for my ex. With my heart in my throat, I stood and quickly made my way around the table.

“Nary?” Kelsey asked.

“Honey, stay there a second, I just need to—”

“Get the fuck outta my sight,” Saxon roared, stopping right in front of Jerimiah.

“I just need to talk—”

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