Page 59 of Living Without

* * * *

Even though I wanted Nary wrapped around my back on my Harley, I decided to take my truck instead. The drive was quiet, my woman’s mind occupied with thoughts of Kelsey and her leavin’.

Pulling into a car park of a restaurant, I climbed out and made my way around to her side. She already had the door open, so I reached in, my hands to her waist, and helped her down. Then I took her hand and led her in through the front door.

Once seated at a table for two, I grabbed the menu she’d picked up outta her hands, and when she looked up, I asked, “You doin’ okay?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “I’m just taking it all in. I never imagined I’d ever be sitting across from you at a table on a date.” Her eyes widened. I smirked as she tried to fix what she’d said, “Not that this is a date. I mean, it’s just lunch, and friends go to lunch all the time. I ate lunch with Kelsey every day. Maybe I should call Low, and Josie, and see—”

“Angel,” I interrupted.

“Saxon?”

“I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you.”

Fuck. Had I just blurted that shit out?

“What?” she breathed.

Christ. I had just blurted that shit out.

I shifted in the chair, suddenly uncomfortable under Nary’s shocked gaze.

“You were thirteen and had just started high school. I saw you in assembly on the first day, and I was fuckin’ taken by your beauty.”

“What?” she screeched. I flinched and then watched a blush rise to her cheeks while she looked around saying, “Sorry,” to the other customers.

When her eyes came back to me, I went on, “Knew you were it for me from that day, but I pushed you away.”

She leaned in and hissed, “You were an arse.”

I winced. Nodding, I said, “I know, and every fuckin’ day I will regret how I treated you. I fucked up big time, and every time I cut you, it tore at me also. Shit, angel. When you started crushin’ on me and wanted an in with me after I helped with the fuckhead Malcolm, thought I was a lucky bastard because you wantedmytime. Then I got home and my dad spewed some bullshit, and I didn’t want that to ever touch you.” She sucked in a deep breath. I continued, “You’re goddamn stunning, strong, and fiery when you want to be, loyal, and… hell, the list can go on forever and I’d never get to the bottom of how good you are.” I glanced away, out the window and then back. “But I’m tainted, and what I need to say to you tonight, what… Shit, the thing I have to tell you tonight… it could change everything.” I snorted. “And being the selfish person I am, I wanted you to know it’s always been you for me first. Since the day you sat next to one of your friends, threw your head back and let out a laugh so loud people looked, but you didn’t care. You kept on gabbin’ with your friend like nothing mattered.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Why are you telling me this here, right now? And what the heck, Saxon? You’ve been in love with me since I was thirteen? What am I supposed to do with that information? Oh, my God.” She slumped back in her chair and covered her face with her hands.

Motherfuckin’ hell.

Why in the hell did I say that shit? It was the wrong place and time.

My woman was crying because of it and I was being a bigger dick for just sitting there.

When I scooted my chair back, Nary pulled her hands from her face, wiped it, and glared at me before she spat, “Don’t you dare move. We are sitting here talking about random crap while I try to process what you just told me. We are eating, and goddang it, we are going to enjoy our bloody first date.”

What I wanted to do was pull her over the table and take her mouth with mine. However, I didn’t think she’d be up for it without beating me black and blue first. What I also wanted to do was throw my head back and laugh my arse off. Though, that could also lead to me gettin’ beat up.

Instead, I smiled and said, “Sounds good, Viper.” Her eyes flared. I’d called her Viper when she’d tackled me to the ground trying to save me from her dipshit stalker who had a gun pointed at me.

“Wipe that smile off your face and find a waiter. I’m hungry.”

That time I did laugh. “Right. My angel is hungry. I better feed her.”

“And, Saxon,”

“Yeah, gorgeous?”

“I saw you that day also. You were down the row from me dressed all in black. You had a scowl on your face, and I couldn’t help but think how much sexier you would look if you smiled.” I stiffened, my pulse racing. Then she went on and blew me the fuck away. “I fell for you that day, and no boy compared. I watched you from afar, and I thought you hated me, but I didn’t care. I admired you. I still do because you’re fierce, handsome, strong, and worth knowing. The day you pulled Malcolm off me was when I knew no one else would do for me. And even when you pushed me away, I never stopped caring about you. You’ve always been it for me, Saxon Black.” She smiled. “So I know whatever you have to say tonight, I’ll listen and then after it, I’ll still be there. Nothing you say, no matter how terrible you think it is, will take me away from you. Not now, not when you’ve finally shown me who you really are, not when my heart is 100 percent owned by you, and I’m glad it is.”

“Fuck, angel,” I bit out.

---