Page 61 of Living Without

Unfortunately, my mind picked that moment to muck everything up when concern swooped in and crashed the choir in my stomach. Instead, it dropped when I thought if I was moving too fast after everything that had happened to me. Would he think I was…? God, I didn’t even know myself. Was I wrong to want his touch after everything? Was I wrong to feel so attracted to him and want his kiss after everything? WasImoving too fast? Was it wrong to want to kiss him, to hug him? Would he see it as me using him to try to forget? I wasn’t, I knew I wasn’t, but I worried he would see it differently and not understand how happy, how excited he made me when he smiled at me, when he spoke softly to me, or touched me with care.

“Where’s the smile gone?” he asked. I jolted out of my thoughts and met his gaze as he went on, “’Cause I was thinking I fuckin’ love seein’ it on your face, knowin’ I was the cause of it, but I’m goddamn worried it will be lost to me forever when I tell you what I have to.” He clenched his jaw. “You deserve to smile every day, angel, and I’m fuckin’ praying it’ll still be me causing them after tonight.”

Maybe I needed to step back a little and let him lead. If anything he did to me triggered something inside of me from my time in hell, it would pain him, and I didn’t want that happening. The last thing I wanted was a rift between us. I knew Saxon well enough to know if I freaked out, it would wreck him.

So, I shrugged. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Now she’s holding something back from me. Been watching you a long time, angel. I know when somethin’s on your mind, and it just ran through some thoughts real quick. Only, the thoughts weren’t good because you didn’t come out smiling at the end.”

Rolling my eyes, I looked away. Only his fingers slipped to my chin and tipped my head so I had to meet his gaze. “Hit me with them, angel.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me the thoughts that made you frown so I can help you through them.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Maybe after you tell me your thoughts, and no, Saxon, I’m not talking about your thoughtsnow.I’m talkin’ about what you think you have to tell me that will drive me off.”

He smirked. “Well played, gorgeous, but wait until tonight.”

“Why?” I snapped.

“Because your dad texted me while you were in the dunny, and he wants his girl at Dive’s for dinner. Dive and Mena have gone back to Halls Gap to grab some stuff. They’re stayin’ overnight, which means your mum has the run of the kitchen, and she wants to cook for her girl.”

Slumping back in the seat, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine, take me there so I can spend time with them.”

“I’m stayin’ for dinner also.”

Snorting, I said, “Of course you are.”

“We’ll talk tonight, angel. Spread everything out on the table, and if you think you can take it, we’re moving on, and when we do, it’ll be together. Meanin’ everyone will know you’re my woman.” He snorted himself. “Not that you haven’t been since the first time I saw you. It’ll be better now I’m not being a cockhead.”

Another snort. “The party’s still out on that, because right now you’re being one.”

He jerked his head back. “How?”

“Wanting to hear my thoughts and worries when you won’t share.”

“I’m sharing. It’ll just be tonight.”

Sitting up straighter, I glared again. “And you expect me to just spill my guts when you order it, but I have to sit back like a good girl waiting for whenyou’reready?”

He raised a brow. “If I say yes, you gonna crack it more?”

“Yes!” I snapped.

He shrugged. “Don’t matter. I like it when you’re riled. It’s you, and I love you being you. Makes me want to shut you up with a kiss.” He threw open his door and got out, leaving me with my jaw dropped open and wide eyes.

Rolling down my window, I yelled, “Where are you going? I thought we’re going to see my parents?”

“I’m gettin’ you a goddamn jacket because it’ll be colder when we leave there.”

Flopping back into the seat, I clipped, “Well, really.”

Then my smile came back. He cared. He loved me. We fought and I enjoyed it. We were both stubborn, and our words may get rough, may come loud, but I knew it would never again get out of hand where I would end up hurt.

When he returned and threw my denim jacket between us, I was still smiling. He took my smile in, groaned, and muttered, “Fuck me.”

I giggled, watching him while he started his truck as his lips twitched.

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