Page 63 of Living Without

NARY

Dinner was going well, though I noticed Saxon had been quiet since I’d left him with Dad and Josh in the living room. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to cause the frown on his lips and the pinched brow. I didn’t have to wonder long. It was after we’d finished eating and were sitting around the table talking when Saxon sucked in a breath and announced, “I realised somethin’.”

“That you had a brain?” Josh asked, sniggering. I kicked him under the table, which made him yelp, and Saxon flicked him the finger while Mum glared at her son.

Saxon smirked. “Known that all along, idiot.”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

My man flicked his eyes to the table for a moment as he took a deep breath. He then looked back up. With his sad eyes on mine, he said, “Realised I should probably tell you all together what I did when I was fourteen.” My body stilled, my heart beating like a jackhammer. He licked his dry lips and went on, “It’s mostly why I pushed Nary away and caused her five years of pain, but she wasn’t the only one I hurt. Through her, I would have caused you all pain because you all care about her so much.”

“Saxon, you don’t—” Mum started.

His eyes went to her, and she shut her mouth. Saxon nodded. “I do. Need this out in the open because you all mean everything to Nary, and she means all to me. So I need your… I need to know, if what I did, if you all can… if you’ll let me be with Nary after it. Because it’s what I want. She’s what I want, always has been, right from the start.”

“First day of high school,” I whispered. I heard Mum suck back a shuddering breath.

My man smiled. “Yeah, angel.”

“You talk, brother, we’ll listen,” Dad said. He already knew something, and I think having Dad know it helped Saxon continue.

“Right.” Saxon nodded. “Since I was four years old, my mum used to beat me.” Mum reached over and took my hand in hers. I squeezed tightly and bit my bottom lip. I would not break down on him. I tried my best to keep my composure as he continued. “Small things I did pissed her off, so she’d beat me for it. She’d scream at me day and night for draggin’ her down.” He clenched his jaw, only to unhinge it and sigh. “It went on like that for ten years. My dad knew what she was doing. He just didn’t care, and when I was young, just a fuckin’ toddler, I went cryin’ to him, and he told me to man up. Each time he came home to me bloody and bruised, he’d tell me to, ‘man up’.” Saxon lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes on the table. “One day, when I was fourteen, I’d had enough. I guess you could say I manned up.” He glanced up. “We were in the kitchen when she started on me. I’d accidently spilt some milk and she, fuck, she picked up the microwave and threw it at my back. It knocked me forward against the sink, and when I was leaning over, she picked up the milk bottle and kept hitting me in the back of the head with it.” Saxon shifted in his seat, leaning forward, his elbows to the table. “There was a knife in the sink.” His voice was low and cold. “I picked it up and spun around, forcing it in her gut. She gasped. Shocked I’d done it. I was shocked as well, so I pulled it out. I didn’t know I’d hit something vital. She fell to the ground and bled out while I watched.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Josh whispered.

“What’d your dad do?” Dad asked.

Saxon snorted. “He came home and called the cops, said it was self-defence and that was the end of it.”

There was more to it. I knew. I could sense there was, but what he’d said in front of my family was enough for the night.

Finally, he looked to me. I shook my head and asked, “This is why you stayed away?”

“I got my mother’s blood on my hands, Nary,” he clipped.

“No,” I whispered. “What youhadon your hands was your torturer’s blood. She wasn’t your mother.”

“She’s right,” Mum said, just as quiet. Tears filled her eyes, and she leant in to touch Saxon’s arm. “No mother should hurt their child. She didn’t deserve you. What she did was inhumane. She obviously wasn’t right, and for you to deal with that on your own… her death wasn’t your fault. Your father got one thing right. It was self-defence.”

He sat back, Mum’s hand fell to the table. He shook his head. “She gave birth to me and I killed her.” His voice was rough.

“Bullshit,” Dad snarled, his eyes hard. “You didn’t mean to kill her. You were fuckin’ fourteen. A kid. It was an accident. That’s all it was. You didn’t do it in cold blood. It was an accident, but one deserved.”

Mum sniffed. “The past is the past. You’ve shown us what you would do for our daughter, how you care for her, and keep her safe. I’m honoured to know she’s in your hands.”

“Besides,” Josh started. We all looked to him. “She’s had a girl hard-on for you for years, ’bout time you two got your act together. My sister is no fool. When she hooked her heart to yours many years ago, she knew what she was doin’.”

It was at that moment I couldn’t have been more proud of my family.

Standing, I walked around the table and stood beside Saxon. He shifted to have my eyes. I held out my hand, and he took it. “You’re stuck with me now.”

He applied pressure to my hand and asked, “Can we get outta here?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

Everyone walked us to the door. Dad stood off to the side with Saxon for a moment. He grabbed the back of Saxon’s neck and tugged him forward until their foreheads touched. He muttered something we couldn’t hear. Saxon nodded but said nothing. Dad added something. Saxon’s jaw clenched and he nodded again.

Dad pulled back and said, “Get our girl back.”

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