Page 69 of Living Without

Only, I was ready to move into the next stage. I still wasn’t sure if that made me the bad person in our relationship because I wanted to be with the man I loved after being violated. And I didn’t know how to approach the subject about it.

“Nary?” Kelsey asked on the other end of the phone, gaining my attention.

“Sorry, honey. I was elsewhere.”

“Saxon?” I could hear the smile in her voice.

Laughing, I said, “Yes. But I don’t want to talk about him. I want to know everything that has happened since the last time we spoke.” I moved from the bedroom and down the hall, with my mobile to my ear, to see Saxon sitting in the living room with his feet up on the coffee table. He was watching some bike repair show on the TV. It was Saturday, and Kelsey and I liked to call each other every Saturday since she’d been gone. We also Skyped in the middle of the week, just so we could see each other.

She was loving America. Gypsy made her move effortless. He was also a devoted man. I could hear how happy she was with every word. She was sounding confident as each week passed, but still, there were moments… We all had moments our dark times touched us. Even if it was a passing thought, or a loud noise in a quiet room, or even a memory set off by something we were doing or eating.

Dark moments would always arise.

At least with the people around us, we were able to beat them back when they came.

“T-things are good. I’ve been venturing out more. Gypsy takes me places when he has the time off and teaches me things about the area. I-I’ve finally met Mason and his woman, Willa.” She giggled. “At first, I was so scared, Nary. H-he’s very intimidating. But after seeing how he was with Willa for a while, I knew he was l-like the Hawks men. A man who cares deeply. I-I knew he wouldn’t do anything to harm me.” A voice in the background said something. “I-I know, Gypsy.”

“What did he say?” I asked.

“He said he would have kept me safe anyway.”

“Of course he would. But tell him to stop listening in on our conversation.”

“Nary.” She laughed. “Pardon?” she asked who I assumed was Gypsy. “Nothing.” She sighed. “Nary said to s-stop listening in to our conversation.”

I heard a bark of laughter. All of a sudden his voice was close enough I could hear him. “Darlin’, I bet your man is listenin’ as well.”

“Saxon wouldn’t do that, Gypsy,” I told him, which got me another round of laughter.

“Angel, Gypsy’s right.”

“Saxon,” I snapped.

Both men chuckled.

“Nary?” Kelsey said, getting back on the line with humour in her voice.

“I’m here, honey.”

“I nearly forgot to tell you. Gypsy s-said I could try working for him. See how I go.”

I warmed at how hard Kelsey was trying. She was happy. More than happy. Even though Kelsey and Gypsy hadn’t moved past any stages from a gentle touch or lip touch to the forehead or neck, she was madly in love with him, and from what I could tell, him her as well.

“Wow, honey,” I whispered, “that is fantastic. But take every day as it comes, and please don’t be disappointed if things don’t go well at first.” I didn’t want her to get her hopes destroyed if she ended up having a panic attack or anything.

“I know, I won’t,” she quietly answered.

Moving into the kitchen, I looked out the window. “Honey,” I said gently, “I haven’t said this in a while, but I want you to know I’m proud of you.”

“Nary.” Her voice quivered.

“You amaze me, Kelsey. Moving forward right into living and reaching for things you want. It’s beautiful, honey.”

It also made me realise I was still holding back. I hadn’t returned to uni because I… I wasn’t interested in the journalism course I was doing. I wanted my life to mean something more, and it was time I set out to achieve it.

“I miss you,” Kelsey said suddenly.

“And I miss you, but talking with you each week helps.”

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