Page 20 of The Secret's Out

I gasped. “You told my mum?”

She shook her head. “Not really.”

“Nancy rang your phone. You didn’t pick up, Simone did. Nancy rang Talon and then asked us to come. We were more than willing, precious. No one fucks with Hawks, babe. You know this,” Caden said.

Simone told my mum everything, my foster mum, my only mum really. That explained what Mum had said before. Part of me was hurt and annoyed that Simone went behind my back. Betrayed even. And I knew she saw that written on my face as she looked at me. Her stare turned apologetic. She mouthed sorry.

Ashamed was also high on my list of things to feel. I was ashamed that I didn’t put a stop to it all in the first place. God, it took my friend to open up to my family on my behalf. It should have been me. Instead, I was being stubborn, thinking I could deal with it all on my own. The tears I shed nearly every day should have told me to pull up my big girl panties and seek help. My family had always wanted to be there for me. I knew that, yet I kept them away...for what? Nothing.

At least they were with me now. They had my back. I had their trust and love.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Simone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the one who reached out for help from my family. I’m sorry it took you to do it. Most of all, I’m sorry for having you worry about me when I should have dealt with it.”

She reached across the table for my hand. It was fast, so I flinched, only she ignored it and took hold. “You weren’t in the right mind space, honey. I know you wanted to try and deal with it all on your own, but I couldn’t stand seeing you lose yourself more and more each day. I wasn’t enough to keep you afloat. I knew you needed more, you needed your family.”

Tears shined in my eyes. “It was cruel of me to put you through that. But Simone, you helped to keep me going each day. You helped me in many ways, and seeing Caden and Eli today...the tightness in my chest eased. Having people who are a part of my family here already feels wonderful and it makes me feel safe. Still, you have to know, honey, you are a part of my family as well.”

Her smile turned bright. “You know I love ya, honey.” She looked to both men and cleared her throat. “But we’re probably getting too emotional for these badarse bikers.” She stood from her chair, her hand falling from mine. “Where are you two staying? I could always share my bed.”

“Simone!” I scolded.

She laughed. “I’m teasing, Josie. I know these two are yours... Unless you’re willing to share...?” I was about to snap again when she held her hand up in front of her. “Teasing. Well, somewhat. Anyway, I’m heading for a shower. You three have a nice chat now.” With a final appreciative look to Eli and Caden, she walked out of the room.

“Sweetheart,” Eli started. Once my gaze and red cheeks met his, he continued, “I think you have some explainin’ to do on just what you’ve told your friend about us.”

“I-um, I. You see...” The truth echoed loud and clear in my heart. It was only that I couldn’t stop thinking about you both, and the situation, when you both came to me asking me to pick between the two of you, but I couldn’t. And now I find myself wishing I had both of you to love and both of you to myself. However, there was no way I could choose between the man who carried me away from my disaster of a life and the man who swooped in and took down my defences. Both of them meant so much to me. Both of them held a part of my heart. To hurt one, by picking the other, was inconceivable.

Which was also why I should turn them away. I should call Talon myself and ask for someone else’s help, because having the two of them there, so close to me, would make it harder for me to stay away from them.

Never had I thought I would feel desire to be with another person again after what I lived through with David. Never had I thought my mind would imagine what it would be like to...see them naked, to see what their hands, mouths and bodies could do to me.

Goodness, even thinking of it caused my panties to become damp.

Though, no matter how turned on I could be from thoughts of them both, I was still scared. I didn’t know if David had ruined me for anyone else. I didn’t know if I could enjoy the time in bed with a man. I never liked it when David touched me, when he was inside of me. Never once did I enjoy it. I couldn’t help but worry that it meant there was something wrong with me down there.

I also worried that when, or if, the time came, I would freak out. What would happen if I started having a panic attack while being intimate with someone? Could that person understand why I was so freaked and stop? Or would they be selfish, which was how I only knew men could be in the bedroom.

Then again, I knew nothing much about men.

What I did know wasn’t really worth a mention, because my only knowledge came from a man who haunted my dreams. A man who was brutal, mean and rough.

“Precious,” Caden’s soft voice broke through my thoughts. “Where is your mind at right now?”

Shrugging, I replied quietly, “Many places really.”

“Josie, you know you don’t need to be scared with us,” Caden said.

My brows shot up. “What do you mean?”

“It’s okay to have been thinking about us. It’s okay that you’ve spoken to Simone about us. You’ve been on our minds as well.”

“I-I have?”

Eli snorted. “Hell, sweetheart, there ain’t a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I’m sure it’s the same with Pick.”

My heart bloomed. Did that mean they still cared for me that way?

Still, there was the problem of having to choose between the two of them.

---