Page 29 of The Secret's Out

I had been denying myself in many ways...but no more.

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We were having a great time sitting around the table, eating, laughing and talking. Simone, I could see, had fallen in lust with Eli and Caden. Of course, Eli knowing this, suddenly thought it hot in the apartment so he disrobed his cut and then tee. Really, it was comical. When Simone’s eye popped wide, her mouth dropped open, and she lost the food that she’d been chewing onto her lap.

Caden burst out laughing. Eli sat back in his chair chuckling and ran his hand down his defined tattooed chest and six pack of abs. “See something you like?” He winked at her.

Of course, I had to go and ruin the moment. Because when I heard those words and saw Simone nod unconsciously, my heart squeezed tight in my chest and I felt the colour drain from my face. My gaze went straight to my plate and I stared numbly down at it as thoughts bombarded my brain.

Eli deserved someone experienced.

I couldn’t openly gape at him like Simone and tell him that I liked what I saw because I would fumble around it. I would blush and probably run from the room because I had been caught ogling his magnificent body.

I was pathetic.

I was still a child really.

I knew nothing about love making, passion or anything that involved being with someone.

God, I couldn’t even tell them I wanted them that way.

I would be useless for them.

They deserved better than the fumbling fool I was.

I was twenty-one for God’s sake and I was useless in an intimate situation.

Eli should go for someone like Simone.

And Caden...he should find someone who would be perfect for him.

Not someone who was damaged.

God. Who was I kidding?

Why had I even thought I could...what? Be with them? Have them both and be the greediest bitch there was by taking their own chance of happiness away for my own pitiful sake.

“We should talk about bed arrangements.” Simone’s voice penetrated my thoughts. “You guys could crash in mine. I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“You couldn’t handle us,” Caden teased.

No, but she would give it a try and you would probably be impressed with what she came up with. Not like anything I could show them.

Why did I think I could have this happiness?

Wow, it was only hours ago I was ready to stop denying what I wanted, but when reality crashed in...it gutted me.

Even if they were my home.

They deserved better than what I could ever give them.

“I can’t...” ...do it to them.

“Josie?” Simone called.

They needed someone experienced. Someone better.

“Sweetheart?”

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