Page 117 of Swan

You’ll always be my first love, my best friend, and you’ll have my heart.

But now I need to give it to someone else. Just the part you didn’t take with you.

Please forgive me for living.

Forgive me for loving someone else.

Forgive me for wanting more.

A knock sounded. I lifted my head and wiped the tears away, sniffing. Clearing my throat, I called, “Come in.”

Mum stepped through. She took one look at me and shut the door, rushing over to my side, sitting at my hip on my bed. She took my hand in hers. “What’s wrong? Did Drake do something? I can go kick him in the balls. No, I can get your dad to?—”

“Mum.” I shook my head and blew out a breath. “I was just having a moment.”

“A moment?”

I pressed a hand to my chest and confessed, “I have so much happiness inside me for Drake and me… but the guilt is still there. It’s just not as thick or suffocating as it was, and knowing that the guilt isn’t so consuming makes me feel terrible sometimes.” Tears welled. “Do you truly think Lockland will be okay with me moving on?”

“Yes. Completely. Because I know that if something happened to me, I would want your dad to be happy, and if he found someone who could help with that, then I would want him to move on.”

I let out a watery snort. “Really?”

“Oh, I forgot to add that I would haunt their arses and make sure she trips over everything, but I’d still be okay with it if she could make him find happiness again.”

With a sad smile, I nodded and wiped at my face.

“Can I ask what you meant earlier when Dragon said your dad already knew… it was something about a tattoo.”

My cheeks heated, and I placed my hands against them. “Mum.”

“What?”

“I happened to see Drake topless and saw he had a tattoo.”

“Topless, hey,” she teased.

“Yeah, but we haven’t done anything.”

“You’ll know when you’re ready for the next step. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. What was the tattoo? Your cheeks are on fire.”

Groaning, I laughed and straightened out the bedcover on my lap. “It’s of a beautiful black swan.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re fucking with me.”

“I’m not.”

“Swan, it’s a swan!” she stated the obvious.

“I know.” I rounded my gaze at her.

“When did he get it? Did he do it for you?” Mum asked.

“Questions I’ve asked but I’ve yet to get an answer to. He said he’d tell me eventually.”

“Wow, sweetheart.”

“It’s the biggest wow indeed.”

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