Page 44 of Swan

I had him back in my life, and I lost him again. But in the worst way possible.

All because I’d been selfish and wanted answers.

I shouldn’t have gone to see him. The guilt for going raged inside me like it did every damn day.

His death was my fault.

All my fault.

He’d still be alive if I hadn’t shown my damn face.

If I hadn’t been greedy.

I wished she’d shot me instead.

No, I wished Alisa had told me she was crazy enough to send someone to try and kill me. She should have thought for a fucking second what her actions could do to her son.

She didn’t.

She was just as much at fault as me.

The pain my dad and his brothers inflicted on her and Ronald before they handed them to Parker and Lan would never be enough.

She needed to continue to suffer.

So did he.

Both of them, and me, we were all at fault for the loss of Lockland.

A whimper escaped.

I’ve lost Lockland.

I won’t ever get to see him again.

“Birdy?”

I jolted and turned to Drake at my back.

He took one look at me and said low, “Fuck,” before I was taken into his arms.

I stiffened and gently pushed him back, sniffing and wiping at my face. “I’m fine,” I told him softly.

His brow quirked. “What have I told you about that word?”

I gave him a forced smirk, just one corner tipped up, knowing that was what he wanted. I thought he’d say something or grin, but his gaze saddened.

I worried him.

I worried everyone I was around.

I’m tired.

So very tired.

I just want to sleep.

Why does my brain hate me?

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