Page 77 of Swan

Shaking my head, I stared down at my fisted hands on my thighs. “How can I not be when a part of me wants to move on, but… I’m scared I’ll forget Lockland and what he sacrificed for me?”

“So, are you saying you need to sacrifice your chance at love for Lockland?”

“Yes.” It was what would be fair. Now she was understanding.

“Would Lockland want you to?”

Her words crushed my chest. He wouldn’t because he was such a sweet, kind, and caring man. “He wouldn’t. But I can’t use that to give myself permission to have someone else.”

“Swan, loving someone else doesn’t mean you didn’t love Lockland. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to love again. It’s up to you whether you accept that or not. If you feel it’s too soon, then wait. If your feelings grow for this person, it won’t be wrong to take a chance to see where this could go. No one will judge you.”

I looked back to her.

“No family or friend will judge you, and that’s all that matters, really.”

That’s all that matters.

I wished I could believe her words right then and there, but I knew I had a while to go before the guilt over wanting another man after Lockland settled.

“How are the nightmares?” Patricia asked.

I froze. I hadn’t woken from one last night, and I was sure I didn’t the night before.

When was my last one?

“Swan?”

“I-I just realised I haven’t had one in at least a week.”

How could that be? What made them go?

Patricia smiled. “That’s wonderful news, Swan. Maybe subconsciously you’ve healed that part of the trauma.”

It couldn’t be because of Drake, right?

“Don’t overthink the reason for it, Swan. Just note that you’re in the right direction of healing.”

As I walked out of the appointment, I thought about Drake and how I hadn’t seen him since the night his family had come to our place for dinner. In a way, I was grateful since I’d acted like a twerp that night by giving him short answers when he tried to talk to me.

There was also the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Worried if I’d stared too long, people would get the wrong idea.

God, I’m foolish.

Even thinking of it now had me heating in embarrassment and regret. I couldn’t let this attraction ruin our friendship. I had to stop feeling flustered around him.

My attention was down on the pavement when I heard my name called by a voice I would recognise anywhere. A voice that had my heart rattling my ribs.

Turning, I saw Drake coming down the street.

His gaze ran over my face. “How you doin’, Birdy?”

Birdy.

I’d never really thought of how I liked his nickname for me. But I did. I enjoyed how my pulse raced from hearing it. Then again, my flustering was a normal reaction for this man.

“Hi, Drake. What are you doing here?”

“Just ducked down the street for some milk. Heading back to the Harley store. I moved into Coyote’s apartment above it.”

---