Page 10 of Goodnight, Sinners

He knew it would be a long time before Shaun could consider the mansion home, and he would do whatever it took to make her feel more comfortable. If he could, he would burn it to the ground and start over, but the estate was too important to the Koba organization. It was a symbolic seat of power.

Given their past, it amazed Jozef that Shaun wanted to try to make things work with him. But she’d been clear. She was with him willingly now, and she wanted to work on their relationship. It was a far cry from a year earlier when she couldn’t see a clear path for their love. It’d taken a lot of sacrifice on her part to get to where they were now.

Jozef owed Shaun everything. She might’ve been the catalyst that ultimately pulled his family apart, but she also helped him see the reality of his existence. His family had valued him when it was convenient. They’d used him to further their own gains. He’d been the guard dog rather than the loved son he’d always longed to be.

Without Shaun, he wouldn’t have questioned Krystoff’s orders. He wouldn’t have wondered what’d happened to his parents, instead continuing to believe the old story of revenge killing. He still didn’t know the whole truth, but now he knew to look past the half-truths and lies.

Before Shaun, his existence had been simple. He’d been a weapon; point and shoot. Now, he was master of his own destiny.

A sigh escaped her lips and he straightened in his chair. The nightmare was coming. It always started this way, quiet and soft, like a pleasant dream. He’d asked her about it once, but she’d shaken her head and cuddled into his chest so they couldn’t sign.

Normally, he would’ve insisted she talk to him, but he didn’t want to push her to the breaking point. She was fragile, vulnerable, and too easily broken. He shoved a hand through his hair and leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees as he watched her face.

He wished he could take her away. Give her a few days of peace without the constant pressures of a new and massive household, a mafia empire, and a fiancé with too many demands on his time to give her what she needed. It was a bad time for a vacation, though. The worst. The Bratva, his enemies, his allies, they were watching his every move; waiting for the moment he fucked up so they could pounce. Jozef wouldn’t give up his position without a war, which meant he needed to be present, every step he made carefully choreographed.

Then an idea struck him. A very stupid one that he nearly rejected out of hand. He knew a place he could take her. A place he needed to visit anyway. Two days wasn’t much. They could get there without anyone on the estate knowing until they were already gone.

Shaun would love it. The area was peaceful.

He shook his head. No, too risky.

A moan slipped from her, and she tried to lift her arm. The blanket trapped it. He carefully lifted the blanket, and she flung her arm out, nearly hitting him. He smiled grimly and gently took her proffered limb, caressing the silky smooth ebony skin.

Fitzy stood, stretched and walked to the end of the bed where he could watch over his mistress from a safe distance.

Shaun’s brow wrinkled as though a fly were buzzing around her head. Except this one was on the inside. Slowly her frown melted into an expression of panic and she opened her mouth to scream.

It was time.

Jozef climbed onto the bed with her, gathering her against his chest. He wrapped one hand around her head and held it against his chest so she could hear his heartbeat as she woke up. It seemed to help calm her.

Shaun was a heavy sleeper, which made waking her up more difficult. Jozef had learned to let her come out of it mostly on her own, with a little help. He would be there to comfort her when she woke up completely.

Her cries grew progressively louder, shattering his heart with each one. It was at these moments that his guilt became nearly overwhelming. He could have left her behind, left her to continue a life of her choosing, rather than dragging her into a family drama that would lead to this moment. To the breakdown of a tough, beautiful and talented woman.

Her cries grew in crescendo until she was screaming, her mouth opening and closing, tears pouring down her cheeks, her eyelids screwed up in terror. He tipped her against his chest and pressed her face to his shirt, allowing her to soak it with her tears.

Finally, he coaxed her awake. He tilted her head, looking down at her as her eyes fluttered open, revealing her bright tear-flooded golden eyes. She blinked up at him until recognition registered in her expression. She gasped and tried to sit up, pushing away from him.

He’d tried to hold her down before, force her to accept his help, but he’d quickly learned that if he held on to her while she was waking from a nightmare, she would become panicked and start thrashing.

She shoved away from him and sat up on the side of the bed, taking big gasping breaths.

Jozef picked up the glass of water he’d refilled after sitting down to watch her. She reached for it and took thirsty gulps until she was calmer.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, handing the glass back.

Once she’d realized they were falling into a pattern, she’d gotten used to accepting his help. She didn’t like it though. Didn’t like the idea that she was keeping him up, though he’d assured her he was up with work anyway. She always apologized for her night terrors, and it alternately pissed him off and made him want to try harder to protect her.

Once she was fully awake, he pulled her against his chest and she collapsed gratefully against him. He buried his nose in her hair, which was warm from her heavy sleep. It smelled like her special brand of shampoo and the orange blossom body spray she used.

As she lay shuddering and breathing against him, he made the decision. They were going to do it; they were going to take off for a few days. It was a stupid plan and a terrible decision, but he couldn’t think of anything else. They needed to get away from the mansion, away from the memories, they needed to sort themselves out and then come back stronger.

After Shaun calmed down, he set her away from him and looked her over. He used the edge of his thumb to wipe away the tears that lingered.

She gave him a shaky smile and signed,thank you.

She’d been using sign language when it was just the two of them, especially at night when she woke up from her nightmare. It wrapped them in a special bubble of silence together.

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