Page 105 of Goodnight, Sinners

She raised her arms as he pulled it over her head. She blushed in embarrassment as her scent hit her. Two days in bed did not a bed of roses make. He slid her sweatpants and underwear down her legs, using a hand on each calf to help her lift her feet.

He was babying her, and she loved it. She needed it.

There was no sexual energy coming from him, as there usually was when she got naked in front of him. Neither did his actions feel clinical. They felt natural, like a husband caring for his distraught wife.

Tears formed in her eyes, but this time they weren’t tears of pain. They were tears of joy. This was all she needed; all she’d ever needed. The type of unconditional love a good man could provide.

They were raised into completely different families, and had Jozef not marked her that fateful day, they likely would never have met. Their lives would have taken different directions. Now that she saw what life could be with Jozef, she wasn’t willing to give it up. She would do whatever it took to protect him and their life together and knew that he would do the same.

She took a long shower, shaving her legs and armpits, and washing her hair. She felt a million times better as she stepped out of the streaming water and into the towel Jozef held open for her.

He patted her dry and then pushed her from the washroom, gently tapping her bare ass as she went.

She pulled a summery dress from the closet and wedge sandals. She added a blue leather jacket. She looked in the mirror and used her fingers to fluff her hair so it would dry in a halo instead of flat against her head. She was ready to face her mother.

Jozef was standing behind her, watching.

She will make you feel better,he signed in the mirror.I think she brought cookies, although they might be gone now. Some of the guys were sniffing around her, looking for treats. They’re worse than F-I-T-Z-Y.

She laughed and signed back,I’m ready to feel better now.

His next sign was slow and deliberate. He lifted his left hand and pointed his thumb and index finger in the shape of an L, then lifted his little finger, leaving middle and ring fingers down. He pointed his hand at her, then released the sign, crossed his arms over his chest and thumped his fist over his heart.

It was his special sign for her, the one he used at their wedding. His way of telling her he loved her in every way possible, beyond reason, beyond life into eternity.

She copied his sign, her eyes never leaving his in the mirror, then she turned around and walked into his open arms.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Dasha woke with a start, the clicking of heels on the tiles of the hospital floor reminding her of muffled gunshots. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm her pounding heart. Slowly, painfully, she sat up, reaching for the water on her nightstand.

The process was made awkward by her other hand being cuffed to the bed. She’d been transferred the day before. She’d waited as long as she could manage before finally giving away her condition. She’d been in so much pain, the poison twisting her guts; the fever raging through her that she’d raved with hallucinations. Screamed obscenities at the prison staff as they strapped her to a gurney and moved her.

She took long sips of water, pulling it through the paper straw. It felt like heaven against a throat raw from days of vomiting. Her hand shook as she set the water down.

Collapsing against the pillows, she forced herself to stay awake, to keep alert. She was here for a reason. Someone had poisoned her. Not someone, Jozef. He’d gotten to one of the guards or an inmate and ordered them to slowly poison Dasha over the course of days, to weaken her to where she would need to be transferred.

He was coming for her.

Jozef’s justice.

Dasha’s eyes fluttered shut and she knew it was a matter of minutes and she’d be out again. Fear and satisfaction warred within her. She knew what was coming and she was afraid. She didn’t want to die. But she wouldn’t run from it either. She’d made her bed, now she would lie in it. She was satisfied with the life she’d led, the decisions she’d made.

Did she have regrets?

Sure, she had plenty. She regretted never getting another shot at killing her sister. She regretted not finding a way to remove Shaun and keep her family together. She regretted not being able to see her daughters one more time before the end.

She regretted Jozef.

She should have done more for him.

He was the son who should have been hers.

Perhaps if she’d fully accepted him as hers, this day might not have come. She’d wanted to call him son, but she’d always hesitated. Perhaps it was his lack of voice, not his fault, but still a disfigurement. He was less than perfect. Or perhaps, it was because she hadn’t given birth to him. She loved him, but not as if he was one of hers. She’d pretended, but the feelings were never there.

Then, maybe she didn’t have what it took to be a mother. She’d never felt maternal toward her own children. Leeza was Vasiliy’s and for that, she would never be perfect. She would always have his weaknesses and none of Krystoff’s strengths. She was beautiful, more beautiful than Dasha, which had also strained their relationship.

Saskia… she was the full blood child of Krystoff and Dasha. Yet, of the three children, she was the least perfect. And Dasha loved her best.

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